September 27, 2020, 08:31:06 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Whitney

1
I'm comforted to have discovered this site this year ~ a place to vent and feel camaraderie with other Moms whose hearts have been broken by their adult children's behavior.
It's been a year of soul searching, but I think what I've learned will make 2014 a much better year ~ and I wish the same for all of you!  :)
2
Lisa,
As Louise often says:  you can't make sense of the senseless...many of us on this site are in your place - done everything we could to be a good mom, only to be rejected by our kids who glorify their (fill-in-the-blank) dad who doesn't deserve their adoration.
May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your pain...when I discovered this site about 10 months ago, I was blown away to find out that so many moms are hurting like I am...it has helped to find a kind of camaraderie here, a place where I can vent and cry without it being at the expense of friends and (2nd) hubby rolling their eyes with that look - "on no, there she goes again..."
Sometimes you just have to be on auto-pilot and keep putting one foot in front of the other - there ARE easier days ahead.
3
You can't demand respect, but you CAN demand civility. 

When my daughter turned 16, she turned into a creature I no longer knew.  I thought it was hormones & teenage angst and that she'd grow out of it.  As the years passed, she didn't "outgrow" her disrespectful behavior toward me....oddly enough I HAVE witnessed her being so sweet to other people and wonder, why doesn't she EVER talk to me like that??? 

I decided somewhere along the way that I would no longer tolerate her belligerent behavior.  I've had to repeat that to her many times - even give her examples of how she SHOULD have said such-and-such...and gradually it's become more peaceful at home, though she still backslides occasionally - then I remind her that she can go live somewhere else if that's how she's going to act...

It's absolutely not the loving mother-daughter relationship I envisioned we'd have when she grew up (she's 23 now).  Though our relationship remains tense, at least she's not screaming at me.  I can only hope that ONE DAY, we might have a little fun together, go shopping, have lunch, or just watch tv...????
4
Grab Bag / Re: In honor of college football..... :)
August 31, 2013, 02:25:32 pm
 Ha ha, Pooh!  Good one.  I'm blonde, too, but haven't heard that one...also, it was refreshing to come on this site and get a chuckle :)
5
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
July 30, 2013, 12:38:57 pm
I can choose to be better, not bitter.
6
Grab Bag / Re: It's Our Webmaster's Birthday!
July 16, 2013, 06:21:32 am
Belated Happy Birthday wishes ~ your work here is most appreciated!
7
I am just blown away by how many mothers on here have experienced the same turmoil that I am going through with my son / his wedding / his new in-laws.  I could have written many of the same posts about my broken heart.

Pen wrote about feeling:  baffled, saddened, hurt, angry....and finally resigned.  It's been 27 days since my son's wedding, and I feel like I'm still in a "grief" stage.....I keep telling myself to move on, focus on the other good things in my life, but it's so hard to move on when I just DON'T UNDERSTAND why I was treated with such indifference and then virtually ignored at the wedding 
:(
Alas, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for some peace of mind, if only from feeling "resigned" to the situation....
8
Bravo, Didi, for handling the situation so graciously  :)
9
Gosh, Marge, I feel for you...I wish I had some words of encouragement, but the best I can offer is to know that, on this website, you are not alone in your anguish. 
Sometimes you just hafta learn how to live with a "new normal" :/
10
Yeah.....y'all are right...it's foolish of me to provoke my EX.......I guess I'm not thinking rationally.

I thought that once my son's wedding was over, it would be easy to move on..."not dwell on my disappointment".....but a new emotion set in, perhaps a bit of grief knowing that the wedding is indeed over, and there's no fixing what happened.  When the turmoil began, I kept thinking things would fall into place, a compromise would be reached...and then I started seeing photos from the reception on Facebook, and I realized how much I missed out on :(

I do have a good life now with DH, and I really had moved on from my tumultuous 20-year marriage and bitter divorce....until my son's pre-wedding drama and then how I was virtually ignored at the reception...I'm so angry at my EX for instigating what happened.
11
Margaret, it is so WONDERFUL to hear good news! Thank you for sharing your joy  :)
12
Keys Girl, I know ...I know...I have already been thru so much of the same stuff you went thru trying to collect child support.  I HAD given up in 2009 after years of effort and being amazed how my EX could manipulate even the State of Florida.....but it hurts so much to be angry with my son about how he treated me for his wedding, and I guess I'm trying to transfer all of my anger about that - with action - to his dad.  Ugh.
And though I mentioned to DH that I wanted to pursue back child support, he too thought I should "let it go".  But as the wedding drama unfolded, it dredged up old feelings of anger toward my EX that I had buried and thought I had moved on....but seeing him at the wedding with his friends and relatives, and knowing how my presence was treated with neglect, oooooooh! I just wanted to do SOMETHING!!!  I may regret having submitted the paperwork yesterday to the Child Support Enforcement Agency - and I don't even care about the money! - I guess I am just trying to send a message to my EX that I did not take it lightly about how he ruined my son's wedding for me  :'(
13
Wow, you Ladies are so awesome to keep offering me your thoughts and advice.....I should probably start a new post about the next chapter:  ENFORCING CHILD SUPPORT ARREARAGES.....I'm not getting over my disappointment too quickly about how I was treated at the wedding....I thought I would deal with some of my anger at my EX by going after him for back child support for my daughter ($8,000).  I have a court order from 2008...but when my daughter was in college, he threatened to cash out her pre-paid college fund in order to pay me.  She called me, hysterical, that she wouldn't have the money to pay for school, so under duress, I cancelled the enforcement in 2009.  Well, last month, she finished her studies so...the timing seems perfect to ask the State of Florida AGAIN to enforce the order.........I submitted the paperwork TODAY, yes, I really did!
14
Amy, I feel for you...I have been through similar circumstances with my daughter starting at age 16.  She is 23 now, and I can't say that a miracle has happened, but at least she is moving in a more positive direction. 
The best I can offer is:  be patient, and don't "burn bridges" as that would eliminate any hope you have of your relationship improving and being a part of your daughter's life.
15
U P D A T E:
Hey Ladies -
So the wedding took place last night, and I "survived" the experience.....my EX and I never made eye contact, and we did our best to ignore each other....it was a little weird being ignored by him actually, having spent so many years being emotionally battered by him.  The nearest contact we had was when we passed each other taking turns to participate in the rituals of the 1 1/2 hour long ethnic ceremony (my son married an Indian-American girl in a traditional Hindu ceremony).  I went to the reception for a little while; my EX and I were at separate tables, obviously, and although there was a professional photographer, we never posed together in any photos.
My DH waited patiently in the hotel room for me.
I thought I would feel better today, but apparently it's going to take more time to get over my disappointment at how I was treated.  On Facebook recently, I saw this inspiration:  "I will not dwell on my disappointment; I will focus on the future".  So I'm going to take deep breaths...and tomorrow is another day.
I appreciate having you Ladies to vent to, and I still check the website everyday for the camaraderie.