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Messages - gettingoldandcranky

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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Conflicted
« on: February 27, 2018, 08:45:19 AM »
frustrated oma i feel your pain.  heartbreaking.  our ds has been married for years and the oldest child is 7.  we are left out constantly.  as of now, there have been many phone calls that are never returned.  if we get a response from a text or email, it is a miracle.
i am trying so hard to move on - pooh's post has been saved and re read many times.  i know that time is a factor is learning to live with reality.  it is a hard tunnel to get through and a hurtful struggle.  i have guilt, depression and can't figure out what happened.  this is a wonderful place to vent and read others journeys.
will send out prayers for you that you can take care of yourself and maybe get some good results in your relationship with your son

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Not invited to the wedding
« on: February 09, 2018, 09:16:27 AM »
so very sorry to read this.  i am sure it is heartbreaking.  her explanation that the inlaws can't make it so that means you can't come makes no sense.  unfortunately, you are the one who klnows whether being honest with her will hurt or help your relationship.
i am in a similar situation.  sometimes i stay quiet and keep the peace. sometimes i speak up and deal with consequences. sometimes there are no consequences, which is a happy surprise.
one thing i did do when we started to be left out of my ds and dil lives was to stop giving money.  they don't have a connection to us then they don't need financial support from us.  things have improved with us - we see them on holidays and, if i push for a visit they let me come there.
good luck in your journey.  i always try to let ds know we love him.  nothing else to do when they don't want you around.

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / afraid i crossed the line
« on: February 05, 2018, 07:24:19 AM »
so i was set for a visit to ds and his family and got sick so i tried to call the night before to cancel.  he didn't answer, which is typical, and his vm is usually full so we can't leave messages.  i emailed to let them know.  dil responded - "oh, no. hope nothing major. when all in good health reschedule."  but not a peep from son.  no call, no email - no "how are you mom?".  sick and hurt, i emailed - disappointed in no call or check on your sick mom.

  we could disappear off the face of the earth and he wouldn't notice.  he never initiates contact and i miss him terribly.

i feel like i should ask for a one on one talk again, but that never seems to last.  he is not a child but doesn't seem to realize that life can change quickly and we might not be around forever and why doesn't he have the love for us that we have for him?
guess i am venting, again.  just hurts, every single time

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: DIL Behaviour Puzzle
« on: January 10, 2018, 07:30:33 AM »
just to throw this out there.  over the holidays my dil said she really didn't know how to pronounce my husbands name.  we have known her for 16 years!  it is a name that can be pronounced 2 different ways.  but we have know her for 16 years!!!!!!

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: DIL Behaviour Puzzle
« on: January 10, 2018, 07:27:30 AM »
hi Freya.  so sorry you are going through this.  glad that your son is seeing some problems and trying to support you. 
i had a very long time with dil problems.  don't know if it was jealousy or just not wanting me around when they had a baby.  it was extremely hurtful and hard.  i get along with everyone.  it was impossible to understand the problem.  i have learned that i wasn't the problem.  just being here and being kind, things have improved over the years.  i always hope to continue on a good path, even though i feel like i'm walking on eggshells.  this forum helps immensely.  being with my family and good friends who listen and support gets me through.  wishing you the best

sorry you are experiencing this.  hard to be loving when it isn't reciprocated.  my dil doesn't respond to gifts sent to her.  i was always sending cards and money for occasions.  i decided to leave out the money and just send a card.  don't know if it bothers her to not get money, she still doesn't acknowledge anything!  my mom always told us to "be the better person".  my son loves her, i love her. so i just send a thoughtful card.  i believe you should do what makes it good for you.  your son knows what you do and sees what she does.  good luck

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Bad Counseling
« on: August 17, 2017, 06:52:14 AM »
Marina - i would be grateful if my ds and dil would agree to counseling.  i am always told that there is no problem.  sending you good thoughts and hugs in hopes that things keep improving for you and all of us

Grandchildren / Re: Mother in law treated better thsn maternial mother
« on: August 12, 2017, 07:19:14 AM »
MaryN - would your daughter go with you and granddaughter on an outing?  then she can see how you interact with her child and you get the bonus of some bonding time with both of them

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I Overthinking This One?
« on: July 15, 2017, 06:29:23 AM »
Thanks Stilllearning.  working on it!

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I Overthinking This One?
« on: July 12, 2017, 07:40:02 AM »
i'd be upset also.  my husband also doesn't confront or argue.  he leaves it all to me.  dil is obvious with her preference to my hubby and her distaste for me.  such is life.  and this is when i am trying so hard to let things go and be extra nice with her.  intuition is such a strong thing - i know what she really feels and i think she knows me.
i think you should keep being you.  adjust your presents to them - maybe that will help.  i cut out bday checks - makes me feel better than giving to someone who doesn't like me.
you are not overthinking.  you are hurt and you have a right to your emotions. 

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Argument with son
« on: July 12, 2017, 07:30:27 AM »
sorry you are going through this.  it's a long, heartbreaking road.  we lent son and dil money a while ago.  no talk of repayment on their part and from what we can see they are still spending on luxuries.  we still don't get calls or visits much.  will not lend again and not looking forward to saying no.  but i am so tired of feeling unwanted in their lives.  i am getting better but have a way to go before i break the cycle.  good luck to you.

Struggling with this for 6 yrs.  Son was loving, funny, close to us.   when grandchildren came both DS and DIL treat us like an unpleasant obligation.  Still trying to move through things. Don't know if understanding will ever come.  I try to just take whatever time we get and let the rest go.  Always hurtful because i love him and miss him

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Father's Day
« on: June 19, 2017, 03:57:25 AM »
The day passed by with no call from our eldest son.  i know he has his family and his life is busy.  but he doesn't think that every day when his dad comes home from work he asks if i've heard from his son.  every single day.
we get a call when they need help.  we call - no call back.  we email - no response.   each day is hard, but the holidays are hardest.
son says he loves us.  i see my husbands pain and i sympathize.
so very sad.

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Starting to find acceptance
« on: June 19, 2017, 03:52:47 AM »
it's constantly heartbreaking.  glad you can try to move forward and lean on others for love and support.  keep us posted on your health progress

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Another Mother's Day
« on: May 10, 2017, 06:35:04 AM »
Mother's Day has been hard for me since grandbabies came.  He was always thoughtful before babies.  i know others are going thru the same.  He hasn't even called the last few years.  He claims busy and it's just another day for them.   i assume that the kids are talking about mother's day in school and i believe that grandmas or at least the parents moms should be included in the conversation with the kids.  Show the grandkids how important you mom is - unfortunately, this is not the choice they make.   Hurts every year, no matter what i do.  Have tried to fill the day with other fun things, but still my heart breaks when the day ends and i've not heard from him.  Sending hugs to all the moms here.  Your support is always appreciated.

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