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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Keys Girl

1
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
October 02, 2013, 06:59:32 am
Thank you, everyone, I often think of my "tribe" of WW and it helps me as I travel down the gypsy path.

I had to laugh when I saw a photo of a car hauled up by a crane by a Chinese mother-in-law who lent $80,000 to her son in law.  He didn't repay her and the money wasn't supposed to be used for a car so now it is dangling high above the street.......how incredibly creative, I'll file that away for future reference.

Cheers,
KG
2
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
September 26, 2013, 07:43:06 am
So...........I moved all my furniture, include the few lovely pieces in my bedroom that were scratched up and vandalized.  Everything is in storage with enough video cameras to cover the Oscars.

I'm going to be a gypsy for a while, I have some heavy duty bills, but those are expenses, they aren't problems, I haven't been diagnosed with cancer and given a week to live.  That's a PROBLEM.

I want to pass on some advice.

If you feel you are being abused, emotionally, financially, physically or any other way.  You ARE.

TRUST YOUR GUT.

Don't wait for anyone else to validate your thoughts, most people won't in my experience.

The rule is - When in doubt, get out.  Don't waste time or energy trying to figure out who the culprits are........just do whatever you have to so you can bring an end to it, and get on with living a life with some peace of mind.

It may cost $$$ but your health, immune system and peace of mine are worth a bundle.

I'll post on rare occasions going forward, I received word that my computer was hacked into.......and I'll sort that out eventually.  This little bit is coming from a public computer which is where I'll probably post from in the future.

I hope to get a book, screenplay, or weekly TV show out of this and if not at least Plan B...........which stands for a BETTER life............if as and when the book, comes out, get in touch with me on the board and I'll give you the WWU discount package.  Almost free for you.

To sum up, the nightmare that I've gone through and may not yet be over is not a stumbling block, it's a nasty stepping stone that has left me with some scratches and bruises.

I am still the master of my fate and the captain of my soul, even if I spent a lot of time in public laundromats instead of my own lovely apt.............details, details.

Cheers,
KG
3
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 25, 2013, 05:18:42 pm
Here's a short update, I believe that the integrity of my computer is suspect so I'll be dealing with that.  Thank you to you everyone who has given me support and encouragement recently.

KG
4
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 22, 2013, 10:42:48 am
I am spending some of the time with my friends planning exactly and when I will be moving my possessions out of the new apartment that has been the playground of some people who have pathetic lives and are jealous of anyone who doesn't.  Not my problem.

I'll go back eventually, pack up, store the furniture until I find a new place or decide where exactly I want to live.  It's been an undeserved and thoroughly malicious set of circumstances, but I've alerted all the financial institutions, the police (who has been about as helpful as an empty bucket) and found some new and valuable information and have had my computers firewalls tightened up as far as they can go.

I've done everything I can and if anyone should decide to try to actually use a credit card number or anything like that, the banks, etc. will send their investigators to check out the perps.  Those people will be far more helpful than an empty bucket, I know.

I don't know how much will be gone from my apartment whenever I go back, I did photograph everything I owned in case I need to process an insurance claim, I suspect a lot of small stuff will be taken, too small to bother with a claim but enough to add to the bites that they've already taken out of me.  They have stolen/picked every lock that I have in the place, so I went out and bought coloured cable ties to secure the suitcases where the most important things are.  I vary the colour of the cable ties every day and lock the package into the suitcase.  Hopefully they will be too lazy to try to find another package of the coloured ties, I bought the last one at the local hardware store.

It's been brutal and it's not over, but make no mistake, while they may be pushing me around even if I arrive home to my apartment and it's totally empty, I'm fine and I've pared down my possessions and I'm nowhere near as attached to my stuff as I was when I was a lot younger. 

I am the master of my fate, as the old saying goes (Invictus) and when this is all over, I will be much better off because of it.  Those clowns will have given me a reason to move to another city or much warmer country (that IS an option, I only found out during this process) where I'll be happier, I'll find a nicer apartment and I'll have enough material for a book and a screenplay.  I'll use the address of the building as the title.  Make as much $$$ as I can to offset the hits that I've taken and more that might be to come.

I do have a plan that I will share with you down the line that might help to defray some of the costs of paying rent for 10 months and not living there.  The only real drawback is the handsome single man with the cute dog who lives in the building that I met a few days ago, what a cutie. 

Onwards and upwards, and yes it was just like getting out of jail.  It's so wonderful to be able to relax and read a book and know that I don't have to be on guard around the clock.  Thank you to everyone,

KG
5
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 21, 2013, 03:09:43 am
Having such a good time, I've decided to make it 2-3 weeks!

KG
6
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 20, 2013, 07:24:49 pm
Thanks everyone, Pen, I felt like I was in your bubble all day......I've gone to visit some friends and it's nice to be able to relax.  I'm going to take a week to chill out and then I'll go back to seeing how I can resolve this problem.

7
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 19, 2013, 01:10:25 pm
Quote from: Pooh on August 12, 2013, 12:12:43 pm
Oh geesh...not only a thief, but a perverted thief. 

Are you allowed to have pets?  I'm thinking a big ole' Rottweiler right now just might be the ticket.

So sorry, KG.  Mean people suck.


I have found out over the last few days that even though my lease says "No Dogs"......the provincial regulations over ride that and I can have a dog.

I'm looking into "borrowing", adopting or fostering a nice big Rottie, and the next time the prowlers come in, well, he could introduce himself to whoever is rummaging around in my stuff.

If I can get a photo of the dog "meeting" the perp, I'll post it here.

Stay tuned......looking for dog names.......

KG




8
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 16, 2013, 06:17:14 pm
Lavender, what a smart cookie you are......I'll follow up with that.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, they are much appreciated.

Pooh and Luise, thanks for keeping me in mind.

KG
9
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 14, 2013, 03:47:30 pm
Thanks, Pooh, I've identified a couple of security systems and am working towards getting one set up in the next few days.

Got some good advice to day from a friend of a friend whose sister was unfortunately stalked by someone for some time.  She gave me some concrete tips for things that I can do to protect myself, and I'm getting on with that.

The Police have not give me a case # and the Constable did not give me a badge number so they are unwilling to get the paperwork going until I have some concrete proof that someone is entering or it's just that this hick town is so small that they might know or be related to the bad dogs or it's just the usual "She's a hysterical woman who can't find her things"......the drawback is that not much will be done if the Police get involved.  They will give the person "a talking to"........my translation is that on a Saturday night when this person is liquored up, he'll be even more angry that the Boys in Blue came to see him at my request, so I'm actually not keen to get them involved.  The law says the landlord has to give you 24 hours notice before entering your unit unless it's an emergency and if it's proven that they have been trespassing, they might get a fine.  The lease will not be broken.  Canadian laws IMHO amount to a mild finger wagging.

I'm coming across some interesting tips.  One of the things that has gone missing in the last few days is the key to my safety deposit box.  I may have hid it or locked it into a suitcase, or it might have been taken, but thankfully I took the advice of the person in the bank last week who told me to separate the 2 keys.  I was able to use the one that I had put somewhere else to get into my box, and today was told that if you are going through a stressful period and are "losing" things because you are stressed, put the keys on a chain that you wear around your neck every day with a charm or something.  Let the charm hang down in the front and let the keys hang down in the back under the back of your t-shirt.  Works like a charm.....pun intended.

I have yet to use the "puke" bucket technique, where you fill a bucket with every file piece of rotting something or another and hang it above your door, so that it tips over on someone who comes in.  I'm not really good at hanging buckets, etc. and the clean up would be pretty nasty, but I'm hearing about all kinds of things like this.

KG

10
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 12, 2013, 05:28:03 pm
Pooh, I'm in such a hick town that I can't find any of those alarms that hang on the door.  I got on the net but they don't deliver to Canada.

Just got off the phone with the Police again.  Now they are saying that I should get a laptop and get a video tape of who is coming in, they have to rule out the possibility that I'm lying to them about things moving around, etc.etc.  They did say that the fact that I was not threatened directly was a good sign.......oh yippee.

I asked them what they would do with video tape evidence and they said they would check it out and talk to them and give them instructions to stay away from me..........oh sure, that sounds like fun, I live in the same building as the people I think are doing this, that's would be even worse that they way things are right now.

I know I'm going to have to go, the question is when and how, I've got some thinking to do, thanks for the feedback and moral support.

KG

11
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 12, 2013, 12:38:15 pm
Hi Pooh, cats are allowed but no dogs.....yesterday some small damage was done to one of my pieces of furniture, banking statements were stolen, stuff moved around, etc., someone is trying pretty hard to get my attention and I'm guess trying to make me freak out.......I remember hearing about my former MIL was robbed when she was in her 80's and living alone, her purse was taken, her groceries spilled, but she must have been terrified and she had to continue to live in fear.

This too shall pass.

KG




12
Stilllearning, I doubt that your son will ever give you a straight answer, but I would take heed of his cooler cues.

I would close down the Facebook page.  People in the younger generation go ballistic if you "unfriend" them, after you have "friended" them.

I'm not sure when you received the invite on Facebook, but a little advance notice for you was certainly in order. 

I would come down with a very contagious flu that you wouldn't want to pass on to a newborn, in case you are looking for an "out" that puts the baby's needs first and pass that on via Facebook before you close the page, if nothing else it will buy you a little time to decide what you want to do, and they can get themselves settled with the new baby.

KG





13
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 11, 2013, 11:10:19 am
Well, I'm going to have a hard time wearing my "Big Girl Panties" because whoever has been prowling around my apartment has take a pile of them!!

They've also moved around some stuff inside the unit, I think they've probably come in at least 5-10 times.  I'm going to start keeping a diary with dates and specifics.

The Police had a meeting with me yesterday, they think the worse case scenario is Identify Theft and don't feel there is any reason to be concerned for my safety.  They have discouraged me from buying a security camera, I'm guessing that it would actually put me in danger if I could identify and prove who is doing this, especially if that person is living in my building.  I don't think that person would necessarily spend any time in jail, and from what I've read on line, this happens a lot more than you think.

I've decided to leave the hick town.  I'm not as happy as I could be here and this set of circumstances is a nasty but effective way to get me to re-evaluate my goals and take some action.  I have a plan, so that's 99% of solving any problem for me.

There is a city a few hours away that I think I would be much happier in.  I would not like to have to pay a whole year's rent here to move there right away, we are talking serious $$$, and I can't stop paying the rent without damaging my credit.   Because I can't prove who is coming in, I can't start the ridiculous amount of paperwork needed to appeal to have the lease cancelled.  I may just spend a lot of time away from the apartment and go stay with friends for a few months.

I'm going to look at some new apartments in the new city, in a couple of week after I get the paperwork done.  A bonus is that it has much better medical care and facilities so I'll be saying goodbye to the Dumb Bunnie GP and specialist.

KG



14
FL, I think you are wise to keep your expectations low and to protect yourself with as much as possible.

I don't know what I would do if my son were to try to get back in touch with me, I've come to enjoy the peace and quiet that comes from being given the cold shoulder.

Trust your guts, they are telling you something.

KG
15
Grab Bag / Re: Tough Day......Looking For Some Support
August 08, 2013, 08:04:02 pm
Oh snap........I have a feeling that what I have found to be missing is unfortunately the tip of the iceberg........suddenly my Rolodex only starts at D......the cards and categories for A,B,C and the cards are gone.

I've been pretty busy today, credit bureau alerts good for 6 years in place, bank accounts and credit cards changed, mail going to a new PO Box, meeting tomorrow with someone who referred me to a top notch real estate lawyer who helped me some years ago......and taught a management company that they were not above the law when they tried to kick me out of an apartment and end my lease early.  I hope he is still practicing and I would like to talk to him about a lawsuit.  Let's start with $500,000 for emotional distress and throw in the bubonic plague just for fun.

Saturday morning, appointment with the Police, they asked me to go home, I would have had to wait 8 hours today, they were swamped, but they treated me with courtesy and weren't skeptical about my claims.  Suggested I need to find a new place.

I had a meeting with some other apartment management cos nearby in the spring and I know they have units in the area.  Will contact them tomorrow.  Hope to be able to get the legal beagles to cancel my lease by the end of Aug. and I will move again then.

Tomorrow I'll also go through the apt. to see if I can identify anything else that is gone.

This is nasty stuff, but I plan to hold that stick with the nails in it in my hands on the day that I move out for all the hours that it takes for the movers to get my stuff out of here, unless the police want to keep it..........lucky for the perps that we don't have the second amendment in the great white north, 'cause I am totally anti-guns, but yesterday, just for a minute or two I thought to myself......."Well, maybe once in a while they might come in handy".

Some years ago I did some work for an Globally high profile organization that sold my work under a name that was close to mine, but not exactly mine.  It was a nasty way to be treated, considering that I had done volunteer work for this organization for years and they would profit handsomely from my donation of work and expertise.  When I saw that they had effectively pirated the work and cheated me out of the copyright, I went to the manager, gave her a piece of my mind in a voice that she'll never forget, saw the tear in her eye, severed ties to the organization and never stepped another foot on their property.  They tried over the years to make contact with me but I refused to have anything to do with them.

I went out that day and bought myself a little plaque that says "Life is all about how you handle Plan B".  I'm convinced that the B stands for "Better".  I've never walked away from a nasty set of circumstances and said to myself years later "Oh.....too bad I didn't stay".......I've met some great new friends along the way while working out Plan Bs in the past and eventually, I'll sort this one out two.

In addition to being thieves, these people are bullies.  They want a reaction from me, one of fear and dismay at being locked in to this lease and intimidated by the goons so they can get their jollies.  Not gonna happen.  I've got my "Big Girl Panties on", and the people in the banks, etc. in this hick town have been surprising helpful, one organization even waived some significant fees because all this stuff is already costing me $$$.

I've had lotsa creeps, unfortunately, target me over the years (perceiving me as a single older meek and mild woman) but on the day that I leave, I might just leave behind a huge platter of brownies (baked with lotsa Ex-lax). 

Next year for Mother's Day, I think I'll buy myself some perfume.

Thanks for moral support,

KG