It's all your fault and now he has a shrink that is agreeing with him. Worse thing ever when they find people that will validate how right they are. We all know we are human and as parents, mistakes get made and lessons learned on both ends. But when one party believes in their head, they are right and you are not, you are fighting a losing battle.
I hated to ultimately say, "I can't do this any longer. I can't sit around and stress daily on what's wrong, why are they mad, what did I do and how can I fix it." It was consuming me and mine just finally came to a head when I found out, via someone in a grocery store, that they were expecting their first child. That pretty much told me all I needed to know when they couldn't even bother to let me know themselves and everyone else knew. So I let my Son know I loved him, but I couldn't do the game any longer and until he was willing to talk about it, I wasn't communicating any longer. The ball was left in his court and I haven't heard from him since.
It is hard. I spent several years wallowing in guilt, shame, pain and even figured I must have been a bad Mother for him to do this. But once I got away from the situation, I was able to heal. I had to grieve, I had to get mad, and finally...I came to a place this last year where I could let go. I raised him. He's alive and living his life. I would have preferred to be in it, but it wasn't my choice any longer, it was his.
Give yourself time. There truly is light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems really far off at times. I don't miss the drama. I don't miss the stress and I dang sure don't miss dealing with DIL's attitude.