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Messages - luise.volta

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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Christmas gift giving
« on: December 05, 2018, 03:46:28 PM »
That sounds pretty tough, R. I have gotten to where I look to see what brings me joy. If it's gift giving, fine. If not, I don't do it. I've finally gotten to where I give my myself what I feel I deserve no matter what other's think. And I am not going to let others teach the children in my clan that it's OK to be abusive. I no longer set myself up to be a victim. That may be selfish. If so, so be it. I had to give up looking for reasons and hoping for change but I'm much happier. I matter. So do you!

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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Unusual situation son in law
« on: December 04, 2018, 09:01:37 AM »
Welcome W. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.


I have modified your post a bit and also ask that you choose a different User Name. All participants here, with the exception of myself because it is my Website, remain anonymous to protect their privacy in sharing their issues. We have been around for over a decade and have learned that works best. When you're ready, please post your own story under a separate heading if you wish. We look forward to hearing from you.

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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Adult Children Disrespectful
« on: November 24, 2018, 11:16:03 AM »
Welcome, C. We ask all new members to go to our Homepage and under Open Me First, to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We're a monitored Website.


I came to the same conclusion with my eldest son. By accepting his abuse, I was teaching my grandsons it was Ok.


I, too, had to let go of my biological role and find a new identity. Now, as I look back on it, I'm so glad I did. I deserved better and so do you! Hugs...

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Me, too...SL and I'm 91!  :D

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Welcome to WWU. I only use my own name because this is my Website and members often want to know the source. I started it many years ago (I am nw 91) when I was thrashing around myself with the issues I had with my eldest son. I felt so alone. It looked to me like everyone around me was doing beautifully. (Not so...they were just better at faking it.)


I was impressed with the way you ended your post. It looks like you know what's happening and what to do about it. It's the 'how to do it' that's brought you to us.


I love the answer you got from SL. It is full of 'gold nuggets' on how to proceed. We are here for you 24/7. Hugs...

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Grab Bag / Re: 50th Wedding Anniversary
« on: November 04, 2018, 04:47:25 PM »
Oh, good. We are in your corner and we care! Hugs...

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Grab Bag / Re: 50th Wedding Anniversary
« on: November 04, 2018, 12:43:45 PM »
Hi, J. Ah, that demon 'expectation'. I know that one well. Often others don't meet mine, however simple, and I'm sure there are times I don't meet theirs.


It's important to me to let myself feel the feeling that come up when something like this happens. Then what I have learned to do is create a way to to fill the gap to some degree. A special anniversary is special whether others remember it or not. Why not take a trip or go on a cruise? I know the specific date has come gone but that doesn't mean you still can't do it and have a great time. 50 years is a huge milestone. Congrats!

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Thank you for clarifying that. I'm so glad you and your husband have solidarity in such unfortunate circumstances. At age 91, I see life as a journey and since we are all different, so are our life-paths. Leaning that we matter and that we get to choose is a wonderful gift to my way of thinking. My hat is off to you!

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Welcome, W. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the' Forum Agreement' to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.


Everyone here except me, (I'm the Website owner), creates a user name so they can remain anonymous. Please change yours. Thank you.

11
C, I haven't had a similar issue with my MIL. However, what I can relate to is what I think of as 'oil and water' relationships. Personalities that don't mesh. Expectations that aren't met. Impasses.


Others may not agree with me on this and that's as is should be but/and I would be done, too. Needs aren't being met...energy is being drained. Years come and go and nothing changes. You aren't the DIL she wants and she isn't me MIL for you. So be it.


We all have short suits and limitations. Perfection is the great illusion. I can work on mine when I receive support but when I meet opposition, not so much. Life is too short. That's my take. You have tried really hard at times and no so hard at others. You are still going to be you. And so is she. Enough is too much.


I'm unclear about how you and your husband see this, as a couple...and where he is regarding you drawing a line in the sand and saying, I'm done. To me, that's much more important. Can the two of you align on this and move on in peace, getting that you have given it your best shot? Hugs...




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I am going to close this topic and suggest that you find a counselor to help you with your issues, C. My Website is about sharing common problems and solutions. What you describe sounds much more complex. I believe you could benefit from seeking professional direction and advice. We don't have counselors here and are unable to offer that level of support. Please know that we all wish you well.

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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Unusual situation son in law
« on: October 19, 2018, 06:45:53 PM »
Welcome, S. We ask all new members to go to our Homepage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website. Thanks.


I had my dad with with us in his later years but have never lived with either of my sons and their families. It was hard with my dad. We all gave it our best but my husband and I both worked, so my Dad was alone a lot, and when we got home we were bushed.


What you describe is abuse to my way of thinking. Others may not agree. That's the value of a forum...multiple comments are made at times that offer differing experiences.


My take is your grandchildren are going to learn, no matter how everyone tries to hide it, that abuse is OK. Dad does it and Mom allows it. These days, hired domestic helpers are treated with respect and paid...or they move on. To me leaving is what will restore your self respect. It may not be easy to find a solution and follow through but you deserve better than to live in such a toxic environment.


We don't debate or respond with explanations here. This is a 'Take What You Want and Leave the Rest' forum. Sometimes it's useful information and sometimes it's not. We just share and let it go, counting on you to do the same.


Sending many hugs.

14
Just got this from my son about your issue. Hope it helps:


Mom, please let her know that her username is ]raindrops and her display name is raindrops_on_my_soul. She needs to sign in using her username. When she posts the other name will identify her to the members.

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Hi, R., I forwarded your post to our Webmaster. Hugs, Luise

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