December 15, 2019, 09:16:57 pm

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - iwaslookingforlinda

1
Grandchildren / Re: Silent treatment from daughter.
November 13, 2019, 11:55:29 am
Quote from: luise.volta on September 13, 2019, 09:44:26 amWelcome, S. I found it really hard to see my grown sons as adults. To me, they are still my 'kids' and probably always will be. What finally work regarding money, was to state when there was no financial crisis, that I had gotten to where I knew I wasn't respecting them as adults when I stepped in and rescued them...and so their next step was going to be to learn to manage their own finances and to face the consequences if they didn't. To that end, I asked not to be advised of their ups and downs any more than I discussed mine with them. No exceptions, ever, and that has worked. It wasn't easy for me at first and my guess is that was true for them, too, but we held our own counsel. It's been many years that their success has been evident. I do comment on that! Hugs...
. My daughter has got to move as her landlord selling her house she has six kids a very bad credit check history is preventing her renting another place privately as she is very irrational irratic and foolish with money ran up debts and court summons for parking fines unpaid! She asked me to be a quarantor but am disabled on welfare myself any money is tied up in my house . Since saying NO she has accused me of being selfish despite taking care of her two youngest daughters on a regular basis now she won't call us stone walling me says I can still have her girls my grand kids but she won't talk to me be case drop them an go ( often the case anyway)! She never stays overnight she seems to forget I am I'have mental health issues as her father was abusive alcoholic and left me for dead after knocking me unconscious then lying about it! He would play mind games turn his daughters against me throw money at things when they demanded it and accuse me of being tight ( I am not an sensible believe grown adults should earn thier own way through life and if loan money pay it back ! I was always the mum and dad really trying to guide them teach them descent codes of conduct ! Neither of my daughters are talking to me because refuse to be bullied emotionally blackmailed and used as a childminder which is case and a cleaner while they parcel thier kids about from pillar to post ! I am so hurt both can not behave reasonably descent Or kind but bully refuse to be financially accountable or budget wisely and want to blame everyone but themselves for bad choices and behaviours and try to make me feel guilty about owning my home which had to work for full time while raising my daughters and being self employed childminder for 26 years putting everyone else's wants needs first . The minute try to do stuff get to be made to feel selfish and the two of them not talking to me or showing respect I show them hurts deeply don't sleep night after night trying to think ways to teach them to be descent peace makers and good to each other they fell out over money and I was told if spoke to younger daughter older one have nothing to do with me ( spiteful blackmail)! I refused to take sides saying it's between them nothing to do with me but sadly now seems both turned on me ! I am so lonely trying to build a life but made to feel selfish for doing so they both ignore sensible guidance and put me down . Am devastated they are both like thier father abusive manipulative hurts deeply .