October 31, 2020, 08:30:59 am


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - pattiann

I found this forum after having yet another disappointing visit with my son and daughter in law. 

I am a mother of three sons and a daughter.  My two oldest sons are married and have completely changed since they married.  We were always a very tight knit close family.  I am blindsided about the complete reversal in our relationship.  I am always kept at a distance now and my sons both are with their wives family's for holidays etc. I get short tense visits. 

Tonight I was at my grand daughters birthday party and her family was there with expensive gifts.  They had boxes from Nordstrom for a seven year old.  It made my gifts pale and I felt embarrassed.  They must have spent three hundred dollars and I spent fifty at Target.  Then my son played music they liked and he gets into conversations with his father in law while I just sit in a chair and get ignored.

  It was never like this, we were extremely close I have letters and tokens my son gave me over the years.  I take the letters out and read them, and and pray he will come to me again, yet he never does.  If we ever talk on the phone it is distant and superficial.  I am depressed and it is getting worse.  My oldest son is not quite as blatant but also spends more time with his wife' parents.  This is such a difficult and bitter pill to swallow.

I have a wonderful daughter who is married and has children, she does not have a mother in law because she passed away.  So, there is no comeptition there, my son in law is wonderful to me.  My daughter says to just walk away and put my efforts and emotion on her and her family.  I try to tell her how difficult that is, I had four children and can't just stop loving and wanting to be with my sons.

  My youngest son is not married yet but I fully expect another huge hurt coming if he ever gets married.

  I need help, I can't get past this hurt and it is wrecking my life, my husband is angry because I am always sad.  My husband is not my children's natural father but has been in their lives for fifteen years he sees the issues but has given up.  I have  read some other posts and see this is a big problem for many mothers of sons.  I understand the cleave to your wife thing, but  this is a double standared.  What is  really happening is the sons leave their mothers and the daughter in laws push there parents in.  Mothers of sons are left out in the cold.

This is the most cruel thing I have been subjected to in my life.  I never thought this could happen to me.

I would appreciate any guidance from the mothers of sons as I am sure my heart is not the only one broken.