October 28, 2020, 03:56:44 pm


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - Gabbi

Hello - I'm new to the forum, and I have read the Open This First topic.

My DD is married, 32yo with 2 children. She is a stay at home mom and homeschools.

The oldest child has medical complications and has been subjected to regular painful procedures her entire 8 years of life. She has been diagnosed with medical PTSD. My DD is a walking textbook when it comes to medical terms, doctors, hospitals, etc. However her life and home seem to be in constant chaos. The house is extremely cluttered and dirty, the yard is the same way. My DD is extremely overweight as well and I worry about her.

Her DH is no better. In fact I think they make each other worse. He is also extremely sarcastic and overly controlling of the children. They are punished often for minor infractions or honest mistakes. This actually seems to make the children unruly. Especially the oldest. She talks back and is constantly contentious.

Whenever I go to their home I'm appalled. The kids rooms are a wreck, toys and clothes strewn all over. Their dresser drawers are overflowing. They can rarely find things. The kitchen counters are covered with stuff, the diining room table has no place to put dinner plates.

They have a cat and an unruly dog as well.

My DD shops at the thrift store regularly buying more clothes and toys. She is constantly overwhelmed, complains about the kids, how they drive her crazy. I take them once a week for an evening. She and her DH see this as time to celebrate and usually go out to dinner, yet they have financial problems.

On top of all this they live with my SIL's mother. She too is a controlling person and somewhat of a hoarder. Her area is a cluttered mess as well. My SIL and his mother have a contentious relationship. He talks terribly to her, and she allows it...but ultimately gets her way.

So the situation is terrible. I don't know what I can do, if anything. I try to be supportive. I try to say a few things here and there by giving advice but I keep it to a minimum. I don't want to overstep my bounds. I know it is there family and their marriage.

It's getting to the place that we don't enjoy our GC. They are mean at times and always argumentative. The oldest is contrary no matter what you say to her, the youngest whines and cries about everything. He is 5yo.

I'm wondering if there is anyway I can help them without interfering or hurting my relationship with my DD.

Thank you