August 15, 2020, 11:50:57 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Luckyduck3

1
I'll give a little background first. Dh and I have been married for 5 years. I brought 2 children from a previous marriage (widowed) Dh has a rock solid relationship with my kids they love him. Given their ages when their bio dad passed he's the only dad they know. Dh and I added an "ours" baby whom is now a toddler. All is well within our little family.
Now to the part I need a different perspective on. Mil and I have never been close, cordial/polite but that's it. Mil has never shown interest in the two older kids ever. She buys them the obligated Christmas/bday gift but that's it. I always approached the relationship in a sense that I understood she may never see or want them as grandchildren just as long as she was polite and kind to them when we saw her I was ok with that. Then we added in our youngest and she still makes no attempt to have a relationship with him. Here's the problem my in laws make no attempt to visit or talk to me or the kids but they are now complaining they have no relationship and say they are hurt my parents do more with the kids.

Mil is very awkward around me and in return it makes me very uncomfortable. Communication seems impossible. We've extended invites and offered to host dinners but we get no response. I know its not that she's just not a kid person bc my BIL dated a girl with kids from a previous relationship and MIL bonded with them (visited, had them overnight, took them places and all around enjoyed them) BIL also had a child with that girlfriend and MIL keeps him regularly and is always going to his events.

Maybe she's just not into us? But what should we do about her complaining about the lack of relationship? I'm at a loss and feeling very frustrated with the situation. I feel something should be addressed before it turns into a huge thing. I've definitely got resentment building along with hurt feelings.