WiseWomenUnite.com

Wow....I love all your replies.  You are all helping me to make my way through this hard journey too!  Thanks for sharing, Alwaysmom!
To Stilllearning...thank you for the reminder that "no news is good news"...and to "take back over your life!"
To Luise....thank you for the reminder to be careful about getting "stuck in self pity".  I never thought about my own role in enabling them to treat me badly....
To Marina....thank you for the reminder to "turn away from dwelling on the hurt...and towards more positive people and activities...and that often involves 'disengage".
To Alwaysmom....thanks for the reminder to "let go of the fantasy"
To Genny....thanks for the reminder that time heals....I am in the genesis of the "letting go" part of all this, and it is HARD!
To Luise....thanks for the reminder that we tend to hold on too long and too tightly to our "roles" in our DS life.  That role did end years ago...and now I must put on a new hat and build a new role....and....leave room to grieve as needed along the way.
I am going to have to bookmark this thread and read it over and over and preach it to self!!!!!
Thanks gals.....it is great to know that I am not alone!
((hugs))

Hi Freya...it sounds like you have truly taken ownership of your part of the situation.  I love the support and advise that I have read on this site.  You are all tender and straightforward with honest words of wisdom.
Freya...I am struggling with much the same as you....I am praying daily for wisdom and grace in regard to my DIL.  I also see the need to step back and be quiet..(not silent).   
This is definitely a tough gig -- being a MIL!!!
Take care of you!

Thank you, each one, for your tender and thoughtful comments.  It is comforting to know that I am not alone, and that you all have walked this path before me....and found ways to keep going with hearts full and eyes wide open.
I am praying....feeling my emotions.....being still....and I have decided to buy her a nice birthday card and coffee gift card.....and I will continue to be still.
My son frustrates me....but I am sure he is fighting battles I know nothing about.  I also know, that I am not in charge of his heart.
Thank you again, so much for your tender words.

GM Wise Women,
I'm glad I found this group.  It is interesting and enlightening reading the many posts.  I am struggling this week with a text I got from my DIL.  I am single and over 60.  I have a modest income and my Christmas giving is reflective of my income.  This year I gave my DIL a "canned food Safe".  It looks like a regular can of soup, but is really a cool hiding place for money, jewels....anything you would want to stash.  She sent a group text to my son -- her husband, and to me saying the following...
"it hurts my feelings that you thought this would be nice to send me for Christmas...please don't waste your money sending me things to hurt my feelings.  If you feel this way towards me please don't bother...I have nothing else to say to you so please don't call me".
WOW -- I was shocked...but probably shouldn't have been, as our relationship has been strained for years.  I did reply and told her that I meant no mal-intent, and that I actually thought this was a cool and clever gift...and that I was sorry.
I got no reply.    I have been soooo sad and hurt......then angry......and hurt and sad some more.  My son never replied to the text at all.  I texted him separately and asked  him to phone me when he is alone.....he texted and said he would not get in the middle of this.
I'm not sure what to do but to be still and quiet.   And now....her birthday is next week.........
Any thoughts or advise?