April 06, 2020, 11:07:54 pm

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - MammaT

1
So sad not to have contact with your son because of her. My goodness, what in the world do these girls think? Are we as mothersteaching our daughters that when they get married they run the show? I'm just wondering out loud where this thinking comes from! I'm sorry you don't get to see your son but i totally understand your stance.
2
Wow. That is very odd. Is there any reason for him to have her on his facebook? Does she have a business etc that maybe the reason? I agree with you, i would also feel mad and disrespected. Maybe you can ask him about her this way... Once a friend of yours adds a friend, you will be asked do you knowthis person? Would you like to add them? Under their picture it says a # and mutual friends . like: mary has 3mutal friends. If you click that it will show you the friends. Now all this is done without ever going off your facebook page. And you can't be accused of snopping. Hope that helps. I really hope it was accidental that he added her. Best wishes
3
Thank you to all of you. I feel so hurt and hurt for all of you as well. Its so hard to take that I gave birth and raised my son properly, loving, kind, helpful , good mannered. I thaught him to respect women, how to treat them so on and on. The one thing i never thought to teach my son is how to grown into a man and keep his mother and wife respected and happy . i wish i would have taught him that when you know she is "the girl" you need to set down your thoughts on how you treat your mom/ parents and expect her to do the same. I really kick my self forthinking when i taught my son to respect and treat women that this included his mother. Silly me,.Thank you to all who have welcomed me and posted her for help. I really appreciate it.
4
Thank you everyone. I will let it all go. I just hope somehow things will turn around i miss my ds so much. I also am missing all his happiness on becoming a dad but i know if he wanted to include me , he would. He is a grown man, and i know without adoubt i taught him right from wrong. So when his burden becomestoo heavy i will see him. Thank you all. Your advice means so much. I hope all the best for eachof you.
5
Thank you everyone for your advice. I feel so much better knowing that it's not me being werid in how i feel about not wanting to be involved with the shower etc. It feels good to her my feelings aren't way out there .ya know? I appreciate all the advice and kind words. I think a trip will be on my agenda when its time for the shower. Do you think i should tryine last time to talk to daughter inlaw about why she finds it hard to talk to me? To hopefully get her to tell me the truth? Or should ijust leave it alone, until they contact me about the shower they think i am helping smom with?
6
#changed my sig line.thank you#
:-X Thank you all very much. I too thought it would be ok if itold ds and dil that i didn't want to do the baby shower with smom and since dil ask smom to give the shower , that is fine and i would just not be involved. My choice. I told them no hard feelings and i am not upset. Of course inside it hurts like heck that dil prefers smom over me but there isnt anything i can do about that etc but i wouldn't tell them this or act indi#ernet because of smom hosting shower and me choosing not to do it with her. However, the would not takethis answer. Insisting i must help with the shower. Saying things like, don't be that way, we know you dont like smom but please do this for us, my ds saying mom please do this and i will never ask you to do anything else with her in the future, also telling me how ds wants all us moms to do this together. However, i know dil went to smom and told her all things they said to me. I know because smom then texts me saying how i am causing such a problem and should understand and be totally ok with things since dil asked smom to host the baby shower and because i wasn't willing to work with smom , i was causing my dil and ds way to much stress that they don't need. That i was being childish and making this all about me. Which is ridiculous because i toldthem it was fine with me that smom is hosting the shower but due to past situations with smom i wasn't going to cohost shower with smom and i would happily attend. I even suggested a couples dinner "shower introducing the baby for family" after baby is born around a month or 2 months old. Dil very snarkly said i onlyvwantone shower. There will not be 2. And if your going to be involved that it will be with smom. Why does anyone care if i do it or not. If as i told them, i will not be upset at all andwould happily attend? Why do they want to insist i do this with smom. I just dont get it. And because dil said she finds it hard to talk to me for her reason our relationship is zero. My ds says mom just keep tryingwith her text her and invite herctodo things etc. My thoughts are mixed on this and i dont understand why i should keep trying for a relationship with dil when she has pretty much made it clear to me she doesnt want a relationship with me. She wont say why except she finds itvhardto talk to me. Note: before their wedding dil always cameto me to talk etc. There is some other reason and i am trying to think how to drag it out of her.
7
hello everyone. I stumbled across this forum this morning. I have been searching for ways to help the relationship between my dil and myself. I will try to give a quick short version of my problem because we all know there is so much to a situation like this it would take me forever to write down everything.background of family is my exdh and i are divorced and remarried. Stepmom and i have had issues. I try to stay away from her because she will twist stories, lie, and always wants to " up one me with my kids". My dil through the years has been hot and cold with her relationship with the stepmom, always coming to me to get advice , talk, diss the stepmom, and for a listening ear. So i have always felt we had a good relations etc. I've been aware that dil and stepmoms relationship has been hot and cold. Then the weddingvprep came along and i was somewhat blind sighted by my dil having stepmom as her wedding coordinator. Other than payingfor stuff i wasn't asked to do anything forthe wedding. When i asked to participate i was ignored. Or toldit was taken care of. This was the start of having a difficult relationship with dil. Although hurt i kept quiet. After I've continuously try to engage dil but she is quiet doesn't talk much. Answers a question but doesn't try to have a conversation. Basically this is how my issue's with my dil started. My son and dil married almost 2 years ago.now, dil is pregnant. Barely 3 months along. I received a text from smom talking about getting things together for dil's baby shower. Again dil asked stepmom to do the shower. I dont want any part of it due to how the wedding went. I am only asked to help pay for it but am not asked to be apart of giving the shower. This has caused huge problems. And I'm not sure if i should've kept my mouth shut and just helped pay for it or if bringingthis up to ds and dil was right. Regardless i brought it up. Saying if stepmom was in charge or part of it, then i didn't want to be. Explaining what happened with the wedding. Well now I'm the huge problem. Why can't i just shut up and do what they want. Just put my feelings aside etc. I might have but then stepmom started texting me thati was being selfish and horrible etc. Sm even gotdils mom involved aNd i am sure she didnt shine me in a pretty light. So my ds and dil invited me to come over so we could clear this up and find solution. I went and found out that my dil feels i am to hard to talk to therefore thats the reason we dont have a relationship. Of course i listened and cried and because i was crying i didn't ask for specifics. I just wanted outof there as soon as possible. I hugged both of them ( my dil reciprocated with a half hug) and left. Now i dont know what to do. Any thoughts or ideas. I love my dil greatly. She makes my son a better man and he loves her so much. I have always wanted to have close relationships with my dil's. It's something I've dreamed of. And i always looked at it as gaining daughters. Since i only have 1 dd. Now things are a mess. I want desperately to fix my relationship with dil. I'm not sure how to? Thanks for reading this. MammaT