January 21, 2020, 05:50:39 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - DixieDarling

1
What a hard place to be in. I would just tell her I can no longer afford this arrangement. And you will still be there as a grandmother if she needs someone for the kids while she works etc. but that is the only way you can help.
At first she will probably be mad and use the girls to hurt you. But I would think in time she will come calling. She can't make it without help. That is why I wouldn't use any personal reasons like them being messy etc  That way it is all about what you can't control.
I know it's hard!! I've been there myself. But I had to finally step back and after awhile they are better for it. At first mine used guilt,then anger, and it went on awhile. Then when they finally accepted that I wasn't changing my mind or bailing them out of their troubles, they grew up.
All I was doing was enabling them. It crippled them. They had to learn they didn't need me. They are the parents.

Sending Hugs & Hope.
2
Aww, honey I'm so sorry. Hopefully things will continue to improve with your son so you can be with him if he needs you. Sending Hope,Hugs & a Prayer your way.
3
Judging from what you've told us about your son and his family he is probably doing his best. If indeed his wife is having some emotional issues (Which if one is on the way may explain some of that with hormones etc) along with a toddler , job, home etc, etc.
You may be the only source he has where he don't have to be perfect? Honestly he sounds like he could use a huge hug.
4
I 2nd SL.
Its been such a fantastic experience since finding this site. I've only been around a little while but have seen a few times when Luise has had to jump in gently.
It gives us a place to be true and honest without fear of being tore down. Thank you so much!
5
Babies are easy!! The young adults is what will stomp on your heart! If they only came with instructions or a one rule fits all p, being a parent would be so much nicer.
My youngest is now 24  & out of the 4 he's the most responsible and has his life on track. You'll make it through this I promise. My 2nd didn't reach it till 28. Hang in there and don't give up. ((HUGS))
6
That sounds wonderful Victoria. I'm looking forward to hearing how well you're doing in the future.
7
That is good Pen. Who knows maybe you and G both will finally have the family life you've always wanted to some extent? I wish for you both to have that more.
8
I understand where you are coming from G. In my case, I want to believe the best of everyone and that gets me hurt,used and even at times abused. (Not physically)
Common sense tells us that no one is loved by everyone. Yet I want to be.
If I was talking to myself standing in your shoes this is what I'd say, "Enjoy the good days with your son,DIL,& GC. But don't let to much out about your feelings. Why give her something to use if she has another mood swing?
Be very kind and polite. And keep your opinions to yourself. In other words protect yourself.
If it all goes south again you'll be hurt I know. But nothing like you were the first time if you can control your end of things. I'd not let her all the way in. But....I'd make her believe she was. Let her believe whatever?
My Father always told me that when someone SHOWS you who they are. Believe them. Watch their actions because that is who they are. Anyone can use the right words so pay no attention to them.
Good luck. I really hope things will be smooth from here on out. ((HUGS))
9
So true Pooh.
It is better for us if we can get back to caring about what WE want and what WE like. Instead of making someone who is being such a pain the center of all.
My husband told me that he was sure they weren't sitting around thinking their day was ruined because we weren't in it. So why should we? That gives someone who doesn't give us a second thought way to much power.
10
For me personally I like feeling needed. I don't thrive on it like some but I admit to it. Does that make bad MIL? Honest question.
I feel wonderful if I think I've done anything that has made the people I love happy. Even if but for a minute.
I've always watched not to get in the way but I'm sure at times I have.
From the other side of the fence from my POV, I truly only want to make my DILs life a little nicer where I can. I care about them. I love them. And it's something I never had.
It's so hard to know when to give or get out for both sides I guess? Like raising children there is NO one size fits all answer. I sure wish there was. 
You seem to honestly have a caring good heart. I'm sure you will find the balance that will help you both. Simply because you care enough to try. I admire that!!
11
I agree with the others. You can only do so much, without her trying it won't work. Your MIL sounds very bratty to me. And I'm sure your DH sees how you've tried and loves you all the more for it. But it's time to follow his lead. You are the children's Mother and deserves respect for it. Stop awhile and let her either tone it down or talk to voice mail. Good luck.
12
That is funny lady T. About your hubby. Sometimes I think men are so easy to make happy.
13
Happy New Year to everyone. I hope we all find comfort and growth this year.
I'm growing older. LOL It's also my B-Day.
14
CP, I'm sorry I somehow missed this post.  I agree with everything SL just posted.
It's been hard for me trying to figure out who I am besides a Wife and Mother. My life since age 19 has been centered on being just that. And I tried to be great at that job too.
Now that the job is done and they are all grown men I feel a little lost.
I don't know why reaching this point in life never crossed my mind? I'm sure I'm the only one.
I stayed busy raising our children and being a proud wife. I loved every minute of it too.
I'm so glad that I found the women here and the wisdom of Luise!!! Reading here has helped me to start taking baby steps in building a life after children.
My wish for us all is a new year filled with promise and joy. We've already survived the hard part so I just know we make it thru this.
CP, I am so sorry your son is treating this way. Has he spoke to you at all about his reasons? For how long? Is he your only child? Like others here I'm sending you warm thoughts and Hugzz. [/sub]
15
Even tho your MIL may not know it? She has a dandy in you! A sweet caring DIL that would never dream of hurting her and is trying hard not to.
I don't know how it will all work out? But I hope it will be with you feeling proud and happy. You deserve that. I can't help but think your husband loves you even more for your tender kindness.
I hope the visit is as pleasant as possible. Let us know.