March 29, 2020, 01:45:27 pm


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Topics - Sunny

This is a wonderful website- so much wisdom. I am currently estranged from my 19 year old daughter. My story is much the same as many others here. I was an extremely devoted mother- too devoted. I went well beyond the call of duty in meeting needs my daughter had- I won't go into details as I would be easily identified by anyone who knows me- but I made big sacrifices. Unfortunately I have been repaid with abuse. Her last 18 months of high school were a nightmare and the stress of it all cost me my health and my looks.

During the last conversation I had with her (which was about a month ago), she said that she knew that I had done a lot for her, but to paraphrase her, she simply didn't care about her FOO  anymore and hadn't for years, found us irritating and had pretty much left us behind. She couldn't see the point of visiting home (she is at college). I let her know at that stage that it was time I moved on with my life as well and that at this point I would let her go and I would not be in contact with her anymore.

I haven't been in contact since. It is a relief to be off the emotional roller coaster I was on. Previous to the non-contact, every contact I had with her would reopen all the wounds and I would feel quite desperately upset. It would take me days to get back on an even keel. Now I just experience a low grade sadness most of the time and some days are worse than others. At this stage I don't intend to ever get back in touch with her. Much of the drama of the past few years has been because of her boyfriend (soon to be fiancée) who is controlling, possessive and has a domineering family. I think trying to remain in my daughter's life would be death by a thousand cuts as I would have to fight her, him and his family. My chances of being allowed to be in the lives of any future grandchildren would be slim.

If there is anyone else here who has taken the off ramp- how has it worked out for you? I gather many here have stayed on the periphery of their AC lives and not severed contact. I guess I am gambling that my life will be better if I let go completely, grieve for what might have been and then move on into a  new life. I am just wondering what the time frame is for starting to consistently feel better. I am assuming it is a typical grief process and that it will take several years.