My mentally ill DIL alienated my son from me because she thinks it is "sick" for adult children of the opposite sex to spend time alone with their parents. As a result, my relationship with my son eventually became casual at best. Once she had my son's ear exclusively, she make up terrible lies about me which resulted in a plethora of abusive texts & screaming from my son. I nearly only respond with "I love you" & "I'm sorry you feel that way" but sometimes I defend myself which is pointless & only provides fodder for more abuse.
Anyway, my DIL is happy with this arrangement because she gets me all to herself. She loves spending time with me & wants me to babysit her children, my grandchildren, very often. I have poor health and a bad back so I can only take three of them about 2 to 3 days a week which includes sleeping over. The baby is too painful for my back. My son will text me saying that my refusal to take all of them renders my help useless: I ignore him for the sake of the children. I gave her tons of nice clothes for her daughter, all that I had, but instead of gratitude, I get yelled at for sending her home in a dress that is too large (I gave her everything so that's all my teenaged daughter could find for her). Anyway, I ignore the abuse and tell her that when I get money, I'll buy more clothes.... And I offer to do her laundry because she won't clean their clothes or her house so they live in squalor.
This is where I need advice please. Today she calls me demanding O take my grandson to urgent care. I just woke up and had taken a muscle relaxer so I told her I couldn't drive. While I was trying to figure out when I could take him, she hung up on me! She followed it with a "you don't care about your grandchildren so you may never see your grandchildren again." Then my son sends me a cruel text! I am tired of the abuse and don't want to turn the other cheek any longer. I want to walk away! In California, grandparents have no rights so I cannot sue for visitation. Someone from their church called CPS but they did nothing. I love my grandchildren. They want to never have to go home. They want to live with me but I have no power. Do I continue to tolerate their abuse in order to see my grandchildren? There is no reasoning with them. I could talk to my son but he refuses to EVER see me in person. Last week I ran out to his car and which was in front of my house and gave him a big hug. He hugged me back but his wife found out and put an end to that! Am I a wrong to walk away until they can stop attacking me verbally or do I continue to tolerate their had behavior & threats of alienation from my grandchildren? Thank you!