They moved away shortly after and I chose not to accompany my husband to visit them but instead donated my airline tickets to our grown kids so they could visit. Still my inlaws complained that I didn't visit
They eventually came back here for visits and stayed with our grown daughter and I joined in some of the family activities This went well for a couple of visits.
Their last visit however did not go so well. We recently moved to a different house and they wanted to come and see it. I agreed to let them stay with us for the first 2 days because my daughter was unable to accomodate them the first couple of days
As my husband and I showed them our house we told them about things we planned to change For instance "We plan to extend this patio" MIL responds "this patio is plenty big " Similar response to each thing we planned to do. I wish I could say I was a confident enough person to just let these little comments roll off my shoulders but I am not. Even into the next day they were saying things like "everythings already perfect " MIL then went on the next day to say she liked my flooring much better than wood floors (I already told her I planned to get wood floors" I reacted and said "We may do some things you don't approve of or don't think are necessary"
Then she went off about how she would never tell me what to do. I never said she was telling me what to do. (wasn't she expressing that she didn't think any of what we were doing was necessary?) She wouldn't leave it alone and I lost my temper and so did she. I left and when I came back my husband was about to take them to the airport. I stopped them and said I thought we could talk more calmly in the morning.
One thing my MIL said that was true was that I have a low self esteem and I am too easily offended That is my part of the problem in the relationship.
The next morning I apologized for losing my temper and admitted that due to my self-esteem struggles I was more sensitive than other people I admitted that I am particularly sensitive to her and that in the past she actually talked me out of doing things I wanted to do with my house, hair, clothes etc. Then she said in a condescending voice, almost baby talk " I really want you to have a better self esteem.
I went on to say that when she repeats an opinion contrary to mine over and over again it comes across as you trying to talk me into your opinion. Her response to that? "ok I'm not to give opinions. "
She did not admit that anything she did was wrong and let me take the entire blame.
I did not respond because I just wanted to get through the weekend without another argument, but after this weekend I am done!
I don't think my reaction to her responses after I was vulnerable with her, is just me being sensitive. She has been unkind