I have been away from this site for some time. I came here originally when my 17 year old son estranged from me. After a year of obsessing about the estrangement and reading here every day, I decided that I should probably try to kick the habit and start living life. I want to update you now because you all were so wonderful to me when I was down and out.
The situation with my son resolved on Easter. I unexpectedly ran into him at his brother's, and nobody was more shocked than I when he approached me with a hug and an apology. He also apologized to my husband. I have since seen him 4 times. He took me out to brunch on Mother's Day, and he invited me to see him and his girlfriend at her prom. Hopefully we can continue to leave what I think was parental alienation behind us and move closer as mother and son. However, if we don't, I know I will be sad, but ok.
Part of me didn't want to come back here. It pains me to see so many good people here hurting. I will never forget that agony. But I need to thank you for the good advice you gave me and for just getting what I was going through. I can't tell you how much it helped me. The best advice I got here was when I was desperate to tell my son why he was wrong to believe the lies his father told him and wrote a long letter explaining it all. The overwhelming response was, "Don't send it." I read that letter the other day, and I cringe thinking I nearly sent it. It would have been like pouring gasoline on a bonfire.
I am glad I did not chase my son. He said he didn't want to see me and with your support, I gave him what he wanted. I feel like that may have helped him to see me as a person with feelings rather than just Mom who will always be there no matter how much I abuse her. Maybe it didn't help him, I don't know. What I do know is that not chasing him and letting him go helped me. Whether or not he and I had ever reconciled, it is what I needed to do for me. This was a wonderful place for me to get my head screwed on. You guys helped me take back my self respect. Thank you. I sincerely hope every one of you gets the outcome you desire and deserve.