October 28, 2020, 04:50:59 pm

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - J Peters

1
I have never in my entire life been talked to the way she did.   All was over my wanting to spend time alone - even a coffee with my son.  He moved in with this woman 14 years older then him with 4 kids (one almost my son's age) - moved in 16 months ago, after dating for a week or two.  I have not spent a moment alone with him since.  Well except finally for a coffee for 45 minutes on Friday morning. 

I moved far away 18 months ago.  They have visited me here twice, once with her kids. I treated them like royalty.  I have always stayed at a hotel when visiting.  This time I thought they stayed with my, why not stay with them and see my son more.  I told him I was coming all that way because I missed him and only him.  I should not have gone, I think it was clear they did not want me, I ignored the signs.

I was to arrive Monday, drove down Sunday, but just an hour north of the city my plans for the night sunday and Monday got cancelled.  I called my son if I could come early, he asked his girlfriend and they said no.  I got a hotel last minute.  I stayed with them a total of three nights.  I was given one meal.  Christmas.  That was all.  That was boxing day.  I had christmas dinner at my sisters, and everything was closed for Christmas, so I missed 3 meals and it was 30 hours that I had nothing but yogurt that I found in their fridge.  I said nothing till Christmas day.  To my son, he apologized and told me he was sorry and we would spend time together Friday.   Seems he told "her" and he could now not spend time with me.   In the end I got 45 minutes.  I told him I would not stay there again, he said he understood it was fine..... Friday night I could not stay there another night.   I could list all the things (her family and commitments) that kept him from spending time with me, my last night there I tried to call him to tell him I went to Costco ( I don't have one where I live) he did not answer.  At 9:15 he calls to see where I am, I say I will be there in 10 minutes, they went to bed.  Did not wait to see me my last night I was leaving in the morning.   They also did not get me a parking exemption. I texted him and said I am going to a hotel.   I wanted to from the beginning, I had enough hurt and could just feel his girlfriends dislike of me.  Well she came downstairs, called me all kinds of horrible things and told me to get out of her house.  My son did nothing,, I was leaving anyway,, but well,,,, When I told her how uncomfortable I was the whole time and how she made me feel she said sorry if I am an open book.   I am sorry this is so long.  I found this and I need advice how to get past this,, obviously I am not talking to my son, he is controlled and brainwashed by her, and my wanting to spend time with him and being hurt that everyone from her family that lives around the corner came first was asking too much.  I need to get over this, know he is lost to me and get on with my life.  Help!