September 23, 2019, 12:48:13 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - LynnRN

1
My youngest DD is 22 and is in a serious relationship talking about getting married. They're looking for an apartment with the goal of moving in a couple of months. So far, I really like her boyfriend, but they are always spending time with his family, and I'm finding myself jealous listening to her talk about them and all the good times they're having. It seems that his house is the "fun house" that everyone wants to visit. Often, she'll come home late in the evening, and I find out the two of them were hanging out with his parents. My mother passed away two weeks ago, and my DD's boyfriend lost his grandfather five days earlier. My DD asked for the day off work to attend his grandfather's funeral today, but her boyfriend has to work on the day of my mother's funeral, which is the day after Thanksgiving. Then my DD tells me his parents have invited her over for Thanksgiving and she's going. I told her I would be baking a bunch of her grandma's recipes that day to take to the post-funeral reception and she told me she didn't want to bake. She'd just see us that evening.

I've talked to my DD about this and asked her to bring her boyfriend over. She keeps telling me I need to plan something. But when I've tried to plan anything, there's always something that gets in the way. So my DD finally admits that she doesn't bring her boyfriend over because her dad (my DH) gets too anxious when we have houseguests. This is true. He does have a history of anxiety around having people over and the dogs barking at them because they're strangers. And he struggles with a lot of noise because he's an introvert.

So I feel like I'm stuck in a situation I can't resolve. My DH told our DD to bring her boyfriend over anyways, that he'd be okay, but in the end, we will never be the "fun house" because of my DH. They will always prefer spending time with his family, and I'm having a pity party...apparently the only party I can have since it's a quiet party.

I've lost my both of my parents in the past few year,s and my kids are immersed in their own lives and spending all their time with the "other" family. I'm imagining a very lonely life in my old age.

I know being a downer isn't going to help the situation. I'm guessing the healthy thing to do is to work on making a life for myself. I have no idea what to do with myself. It's been all about raising my kids, and until two weeks ago, caring for my elderly parents.

I need to pull myself out of this depressed, jealous rut. Any suggestions?