April 07, 2020, 12:12:00 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - MammaT

1
hello everyone. I stumbled across this forum this morning. I have been searching for ways to help the relationship between my dil and myself. I will try to give a quick short version of my problem because we all know there is so much to a situation like this it would take me forever to write down everything.background of family is my exdh and i are divorced and remarried. Stepmom and i have had issues. I try to stay away from her because she will twist stories, lie, and always wants to " up one me with my kids". My dil through the years has been hot and cold with her relationship with the stepmom, always coming to me to get advice , talk, diss the stepmom, and for a listening ear. So i have always felt we had a good relations etc. I've been aware that dil and stepmoms relationship has been hot and cold. Then the weddingvprep came along and i was somewhat blind sighted by my dil having stepmom as her wedding coordinator. Other than payingfor stuff i wasn't asked to do anything forthe wedding. When i asked to participate i was ignored. Or toldit was taken care of. This was the start of having a difficult relationship with dil. Although hurt i kept quiet. After I've continuously try to engage dil but she is quiet doesn't talk much. Answers a question but doesn't try to have a conversation. Basically this is how my issue's with my dil started. My son and dil married almost 2 years ago.now, dil is pregnant. Barely 3 months along. I received a text from smom talking about getting things together for dil's baby shower. Again dil asked stepmom to do the shower. I dont want any part of it due to how the wedding went. I am only asked to help pay for it but am not asked to be apart of giving the shower. This has caused huge problems. And I'm not sure if i should've kept my mouth shut and just helped pay for it or if bringingthis up to ds and dil was right. Regardless i brought it up. Saying if stepmom was in charge or part of it, then i didn't want to be. Explaining what happened with the wedding. Well now I'm the huge problem. Why can't i just shut up and do what they want. Just put my feelings aside etc. I might have but then stepmom started texting me thati was being selfish and horrible etc. Sm even gotdils mom involved aNd i am sure she didnt shine me in a pretty light. So my ds and dil invited me to come over so we could clear this up and find solution. I went and found out that my dil feels i am to hard to talk to therefore thats the reason we dont have a relationship. Of course i listened and cried and because i was crying i didn't ask for specifics. I just wanted outof there as soon as possible. I hugged both of them ( my dil reciprocated with a half hug) and left. Now i dont know what to do. Any thoughts or ideas. I love my dil greatly. She makes my son a better man and he loves her so much. I have always wanted to have close relationships with my dil's. It's something I've dreamed of. And i always looked at it as gaining daughters. Since i only have 1 dd. Now things are a mess. I want desperately to fix my relationship with dil. I'm not sure how to? Thanks for reading this. MammaT