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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Barbie

1
Hello everyone,

We've been following the advice of all you wonderful ladies to back off, we never mention DIL to DS since she has stated that she wants nothing to do with us, etc., well DS spoke to DH today and said DIL won't be joining on Christmas, DS will be coming with GD only, according to him DIL is upset because she thinks we don't care about her.

I personally am tired of all the drama but DH wants to continue putting up with it. I will try to do what it takes in order to keep the peace in the family, my question is, how should I proceed? It seems I'll never win no matter what I do. Advice please?
2
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Here's the latest
November 24, 2010, 06:15:31 am
I thought we were going to have a nice family holiday since DS told us he was coming home for Thanksgiving. Well yesterday he called me, feeling really down, to tell me that he was coming by himself, no wife or daughter, he tried to let me know that he was doing it for me, he said he lives just to make other people happy, that his life didn't matter to him anymore. I told him we wanted all three of them and DH called him later and told him the same thing not to come by himself.

He said DIL didn't want to come, that no one pays any attention to her (she avoids us), so we'll see what he has to say when he calls me today.

We're still walking on eggshells and I'm so very worried about him...

If anyone has any words of wisdom as to what I can say to him to make him feel better I would really appreciate it.
3
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / What should I do?
October 17, 2010, 06:34:16 pm
DIL has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with us and we've even made a little bit of progress since we started to not pay too much attention to her but with Christmas approaching I was wondering if we should buy her a gift, (she got angry at me for wishing her a happy birthday and I sure don't want to do anything to upset her). In the past we've always spent the same amount of money on her as we do on our other children.

Also in the past whenever we went on vacation to a different country we always bought her something but this past year we only bought things for GD because DIL was acting like she didn't want anything from us.

We haven't dare ask what their plans are for the holidays, God forbid we put any pressure on them, I'm sure our Ds and GD will come at some point but DIL hasn't been to our house since last Christmas, if she doesn't come, should we send her the gift with DS?

Would DS get upset with us if I ask his opinion? after all he knows DIL better than us.

I'd like to hear from DILs and MILs.
4
Grandchildren / Should I be worried?
September 29, 2010, 03:30:54 pm
We are very much "the other grandparents", our GD is so much closer to all of DIL's family than she is to us, she's getting older and pretty soon she'll start to pick up on the hatred her mother feels towards us and I'm afraid she'll never be close to us and might even despise us in the future.  She's our only GD and we have never been in this type of situation. Has anyone had experience with this and if so how do you handle it?
5
Grab Bag / What does it mean?
September 22, 2010, 06:44:08 am
What does it mean when I ask DIL if she likes something and she'll look at it really quick with the corner of he eye and without making eye contact with me she'll say: "that's too fancy for me".
6
Grab Bag / Why do I feel this way?
September 09, 2010, 09:23:07 pm
I just found out that DS and DIL have a will where they name DIL's friend and husband our GD's legal guardians should something happen to them.  Deep down I know this is a good thing and I'm impressed that they thought about doing this already at their young age, I'm also relieved that they named someone outside DIL's family, very smart, but also, in a way, I feel left out. It's like I fear if something happened to them we'd never get to see GD as we really don't know these people, at the same time I know she's their daughter and it's none of my business what they do.  Any positive thoughts anyone? Thanks.
7
Grab Bag / Feeling really down today
September 06, 2010, 10:52:50 am
Ladies, I'm sorry to say that I'm not feeling very good today. For months things had been going great, DH and I were having fun at last and didn't let anything bother us, things even started to improve a bit with DS and DIL and we were seeing our GD more regularly.
Well, yesterday was her birthday party at the other GP's house and although this time they were not mean to us as in the past, we were ignored by some of them. The saddest part was to see our GD interact with all of them, she paid absolutely no attention to us, she looked at us but would not come near us until the end when we said goodbye she gave us a hug and a kiss. She spends much more time with them than with us, they've even taken vacations together...My heart is so broken once again. DS wants so bad for all of us to get along and be one big happy family, we would like that too more than anything, I know my DH was hurt but he does a much better job dealing with it than me. I never thought of myself as a jelous person, I never had to be but this is really killing me.
8
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Some improvement
August 22, 2010, 05:16:46 pm
Hello ladies,
Just wanted to let you all know that DH and I went to our DS's house for the weekend to babysit our GD. I'm happy to say that so far things are improving little by little, as DS surprised me by giving me the keys to his car and house for the first time so that we could take our GD out wherever we wanted to. Our DIL didn't say much to us at the beginning but towards the end of our stay seemed a little more pleasant and thanked us.
Our GD's birthday party is going to be at the other grandparent's house, that's ok with me, but DS told me he won't be stopping by our house this time, that they're coming strictly for the party and will be going back home shortly after. I know this is silly but all of a sudden I felt so jealous thinking DS will be staying at their house and not ours. I haven't felt this way in a very long time and I know it will pass. I guess I just wanted to vent.
9
Grandchildren / Please advice
July 27, 2010, 05:58:11 pm
Hello ladies,
I've been away for a little while but would like to get your input on my situation.
My DIL doesn't like me, we had a confrontation a few years ago and I said some mean things to her and she's still holding a grudge. We have a soon to be 2 yr. old GD  and she doesn't trust me with her, according to DS she's afraid if the baby does something to upset me I'll say something mean to her also. In spite of this we have been asked to babysit on occasion for the past few months.
Our GD enjoys spending time with us, she's gotten very close to my DH but because DIL finds something wrong with everything I say and do, we fear that at anytime she can say I did something wrong and won't let us see the baby again, the more time we spend with our GD the more we fall in love with her so we've been walking on eggshells and have thought about communicating this to our DS.
Would we be making the right move or should we leave well enough alone?
10
Grab Bag / Hello again
April 10, 2010, 03:37:58 pm
I owe everyone an apology for the way I reacted. Thanks to this site I started seeing things in a more positive way and therefore my life made a complete turnaround and I'm happy once again.
Coco, I'm sorry, I always look forward to reading your posts, Pentsman, Chickie, Anna, Creme, You're all so wonderful and I have learned so much from all of you.
Chickie, I read your comment about the Bob Newhart show, I laughed so hard, hope therapy went well and that you don't need to go much longer. I'm so glad someone was able to convince you that your sons really do love you, they really do...
I don't post much because the truth is that I have more questions than answers. I have never had to deal with anything remotely like what I've had to deal with with DIL, I doubt she will ever meet me halway. I know what she overheard me say about her family must have hurt her, that day I had had it with her, I wish I could take it back. I think in the end my son will get tired of her immaturity, I can't believe he will put up with her behavior for the rest of his life, I don't think anybody could. Before they were married they moved 3 1/2 hours away, my son has no family or friends nearby, he lives to please her and I don't see his love being reciprocated. It hurts me to have brought my son into this world to see him being used and abused when we always gave him so much love. It's not easy being a mother, it only gets harder as they get older.
11
Grab Bag / What I did today
March 07, 2010, 07:19:42 pm
As soon as I found out my dil was pregnant I turned one of the rooms in my house into a nursery/little girl's room thinking that GD would be staying with us often, I bought furniture and all kinds of toys for her so that she would have them here when she came, in 1 1/2 years she's only come to our house 4 or 5 times and they brought her own stuff with them, knowing that I have everything, I feel like such a fool, all my dreams have gone out the window. So today I finally decided to get rid of all the little girl's stuff and turned the room into a regular guestroom with DH approval. I never thought I could do it but that room as pretty as it was, was a constant reminder of all the horrible things our DIL has done to us. I'm happy I did it, now we'll have to see their reaction next time they come...
12
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Weekend update
February 22, 2010, 07:21:36 am
DH and I spent the weekend with DS and DIL as planned and babysit our 1 1/2 yr old GD all day saturday for the very first time since she was born. Last time we saw them was the day after Christmas. GD has gotten a little closer to my DH than to me and that's ok, to be honest I'm still afraid to get too close and have my heart broken again. Right now I'm at the point where if/when I see them is ok and if I don't, it's ok too, part of me feels guilty for feeling this way but it took me a long time to get to this point and I'm not ready to put my guard down yet.
DS was very happy to see us and did everything possible to make us feel welcomed, it's very apparent that he wants us in his life. DIL was a better hostess than she has been in the past and helped son with the cooking and cleaning but said very little to us. At one point she sat on the floor with her back turned towards me, how rude!!! She hardly ever makes eye contact with me. Also a couple of times DS and I were engaged in conversation and as soon as DIL came near us DS stopped talking. All in all, it wasn't too uncomfortable, we enjoyed watching our GD but boy are we tired today!!! LOL
13
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Change in plans
February 05, 2010, 06:02:24 pm
DS, DIL and GD were going to come over this weekend but the plans got cancelled due to the severe winter storm we're having. In a way I'm relieved, I stressed over this the entire week, at the same time I was excited and went out and bought gifts for my GD, as the saying goes: you can't live with them and can't live without them.