Think of something that makes you happy. Whenever your mind wanders back to the horrible thoughts about your DD you have to force your mind back to things that make you happy. Plan trips, include your younger daughter. Have some fun!! When your DD decides to talk to you you need to revel her with stories of all the fun you and your youngest are having. Stop trying to get your DD to join in, go do things without her! It doesn't have to be expensive, you can join a gym with your youngest and talk about how well you are both doing in your classes. You can go camping, haunt estate sales, make Goodwill an adventure. I made a trip to an Oriental store an adventure yesterday. I am going on a nature walk this morning. There are so many inexpensive or free things that you can do to have fun! A picnic, go pick wildflowers, hunt for blackberries, try a new recipe. I am learning how to cane chairs with the 7 step method. There is so much fun out there to be had but I just got so stuck in the abyss (my name for the chasm my mind falls into when I think about my DS and his horrible wife) that I could not see any way out.
I have since learned to look around me and see the good things I have and not focus on the things that I feel I deserve and am not getting. So here are the three mantras I try to live by now:
1) What you focus on expands (so focus on the good things you have)
2) No news is good news (what I say to anyone who asks me how my DS/DIL are doing)
3) Not my circus, not my monkeys (When someone tells me something about my DS/DIL that is happening and
they are concerned about it)
The truth about the matter is that I have been relieved of duty as the teacher in my DS's life. I did my job and now he has the reins and life is his new teacher. If it helps any my DS has gradually drifted back into my life and I have gotten the pleasure of getting to know him as an adult who makes his own decisions and takes credit for his good decisions and does not try to shift blame for his mistakes.
I know that while in the midst of the horror that was consuming my happiness it was exceedingly difficult to refocus on things that made me happy. It took lots of practice and many times I found myself deep in the abyss. The ladies here gave me a hand up. Hopefully I can return the favor.