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I have not had a similar situation but I have a close friend who has gone through something very similar. What she told me, that I will share with you, is that while her adult son was doing as he pleased, she was tiptoeing around him and so was her husband as the quality of the lives and marriage disintegrated. Their son also acted rude and antisocial...and they were afraid to upset him. What they did was to find their own counselor and that worked in their case. They then chose to advise their son that their generosity was no longer available, that they had acted on his behalf in a crisis and since he had been discharged by his counselor, he had 30 days to make other arrangements. He refused, perhaps enjoying the power he had over them and the freedom that went with it. I have no idea. They continued counseling and decided that they were not powerless and, at the same time, did not want to take legal action. So they put their house up for sale, moved, and wished their son well. The last I heard, they were doing well and were happy again. Their son has gone his own way...not their choice but his...and they have accepted that.
I don't know what I would do if confronted with your issue. I hope I would gather up my self-respect like my friend did and move on. Yes, it was pretty drastic but they felt they had done their best and that they deserved to get their lives back, while at the same time, their son needed to learn and grow as a responsible adult. Wishing you well.