July 15, 2020, 03:31:30 am


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - handsaretied

It is very upsetting. My DS and DD had a huge argument as well. He accused her of snooping and creating drama and she accused him of forgetting who his real family is. He told her his priority is his child and wife and told her she is banned from his house until he apologizes to my DIL.
Thank you for your response and now my DIL has weighed in. She called me to tell me she sent me an email she would like to me to read. I read the email and am quite unsure how to proceed. Basically, she said that she was very hurt by DD and that really DD should have called and stopped by. DIL said it was also no one's business who she chose to see or not see during this time of recuperation, that it was her choice. She also said that since neither I nor my DD have given birth (my son and daughter are adopted), I cannot relate to how she feels. And that was the end of the email. I am more hurt now, both at the condescendng tone and I feel like DIL threw it in my face that I am not my son's bio mom, but I could be wrong. What a horrible mess.
My first grandchild was born two weeks ago. My husband and I just got back from seeing her and it was not a great experience. We live 6 hours from my son and his wife and the baby-we did not go see the baby the first week as my mom was recovering from major surgery and I was taking care of her. Well, a few days ago my husband and I headed to the see the baby-my son asked us to visit for three days and my husband and I stayed with my daughter, who lives an hour from my son and DIL.

Just wanting to give you some history here: DIL's mom was with her while DIL gave birth. I never asked to be in the room, knew that was not my place. DIL's parents live thirty minutes away, DIL is close to her mom, she is an only child. DIL and I do not have a bad relationship, but it is not a close one. I would have wanted to have a stronger relationship with DIL, but she has never really seemed to have a need for such a relationship and I did not push.

Anyway, my husband and I get to son and DIL's house. My son is beaming with pride as he greets us. DIL's mom comes in with the baby. She proudly tells us how well my son did during labor, that the baby's nickname is nicknamed Cissy (baby's name is Cecile) and that the baby looks just like their side of the family. DIL's mom hands me my granddaughter, warning me to be careful of her head and not to drop her.

I felt my stomach drop. I have two children, I know how to hold babies. I didn't need to know who the baby looked like, I wanted to see that myself and the info about my son doing well in labor seemed to me like DIL's mom was gloating and rubbing it in that she was there for the birth.

Anyway, my husband and I visited for three hours. DIL did not come out from her room, I was told she was not feeling up to company.

The next day, my husband and I came back with takeout-enough for my son, DIL and her mom. DIL's mom tells us she never eats takeout and lists the reasons why it is bad for you and that DIL doesn't allow "junk" in the house. My son admitted that DIL  has been interested in eating healthy since she was pregnant and that yes, she was not crazy about takeout, but it was no big deal.

After my son said this, I again, asked about DIL and her mom said that DIL again, wanted to rest, she would not be seeing us.

I asked my son if DIL's labor was that hard and he said that DIL just really wanted to sleep while she could. My husband and I stayed for almost four hours. Like the day before, DIL's mom never left us alone. My son went and got the baby and the MIL watched us like hawks. I  felt really uncomfortable and said to DIL's mom that if she wanted to run errands or check on DIL, we would be fine. DIL's mom said she was fine and wanted to stay in case  "anything happened."

What did she think was going to happen, that we would take the child and run off?

The last day of the visit, we only stayed two hours. My son took lots of pics of us holding the baby and some video as well. Again, no DIL, but her mom stayed right there.  I asked about DIL, again told she was not up for visitors.

My husband and I left. I was very hurt at how I was treated by DIL's mom, like I was not good enough. Then I find out today a different story.

My son and daughter run a business together. About 3 hours after my husband and I left for home my daughter went to my son and DIL's to drop off his cell phone charger. She told me that when she dropped it off, DIL was sitting on the couch, joking, laughing with her family, who were there visiting.

My daughter, who knew that DIL did not visit with us when we were there, told DIL she was glad she was feeling up to company, because she had heard the opposite story. My daughter said didn't say anything, she stopped laughing and knew she had been called out.  My son was not home when this happened, he had gone to the airport to pick up more of DIL's family.

I am insulted by how my husband and I were treated. DIL was not up for company when it was her husband's kin, but for her own family , she is fine. Do I tell my son about how I feel or say nothing?