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Messages - Mummybear

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Hi Sadheart,
Like you I read posts for a few months and found such comfort and hope. Your post has lots of similarities to my position. My dil doesn't want a relationship with me and no matter who upsets her from our side of the family all the hate and rudeness comes down on me. I feel I will never say or do the right things as far as she is concerned. It has made me ill.
The best piece of advice I was given on here was to back off for a while. It's been difficult but I feel better than I did and ds has been in contact (without the usual dramas) which has really boosted me.
I think the fact you haven't been invited to your ds wedding is absolutely awful and you have every right to be confused/angry/hurt and your ds must realize this. The thing is though as bamboo2 said he will be in a tough spot trying to keep everyone happy. I nearly lost my ds because I " said too much". It's not right what is happening to you and your family but if you want him in your life you will have to accept a different kind of relationship. This is all so hard I know but surely you deserve peace and a happy life after bringing up your children.
The other advice that helped me was to fill my time with things that made me happy and to spend time with people who appreciated me. The ladies on here have wonderful advice. I'm not so good with words but I do know how upsetting this all is. Keep as calm as you can SH and don't let FDIL bring you down. You will always be ds mother no matter what Take care xx

I am so very sorry you are going through this jdtm. It's a horrible position to be in. You love your grandkids so much that I don't think you would really want to give up. You're tired and have obviously had so much to deal with. It's awful you can't ask anyone, the walking on eggshells feeling that everyone on here has probably experienced at some point. You seem to have a lovely relationship with your gs, could he not shed some light on what's happening? If you're still connected on Facebook that's good. Perhaps your gd is depressed and doesn't realize how much she is hurting you. I'm sorry I can't help more and I hope things improve. Xx

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: At my wits end
« on: October 02, 2017, 02:06:36 AM »
Hi Stillearning Thanks for your comments. I don't know if I do have a good handle on it really but I'm trying lol. I feel stronger because of this website Ds has texted me, only very short but it made me feel like he still must care. Thank you for being here for me and thank you Luise you have a wonderful team. Xxx

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: At my wits end
« on: September 29, 2017, 12:46:53 AM »
Hi Pen Thanks for the reply. I'm so grateful  for the chance to see how other women have dealt with this situation. I wish I'd found you all earlier! It seems that no matter how anyone copes with it all are left with a certain amount of worry and fear of things going wrong again. I am not in touch with ds at the moment and am finding it incredible difficult but I will always be there for him. I'm trying to do things that make me happy and spending time with positive people. I'm not giving up on him I just need a break from it all. Luise and all the people on here are amazing and the reaction to my post has helped me more than anyone could know.
Congratulations about the baby Pen !! Hope everything goes well with that. Best wishes xx

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: At my wits end
« on: September 27, 2017, 12:09:59 AM »
Hi kate123 Thanks for reply. I know not everyone is compatible but I wanted so much to welcome my dil into the family. She has caused so much hurt and trouble this is now not possible. I am on this site for help and to see if I can find a way forward for me and my family without losing my ds and grandkids. I am trying to accept "that this is the way it is". Its just so sad and I wish it was different. All the best to you.

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: At my wits end
« on: September 26, 2017, 11:56:45 AM »
Hi jdtm and B2, Thanks so much for your replies. I really appreciate it. You have both put things that are really helpful to me. Jdtm your comment about being readily available and eager to help really struck a chord with me. I think I will step right back and see if that helps. I don't really want to stop all contact. I love my ds and grandkids. B2 what you said about my health is so true and true for us all when we are having these terrible times. I had a breakdown some years ago and I don't want to go back there . I have other children that are so good to me and are sad that their fun loving brother has changed so much. I'm a lot luckier than some I know that. When I put the post everything was kicking off again and it felt like the last straw. Tonight things seem calmer so I will just have to take one day at a time and hope for the best. Thanks so much and I'm sorry you have both had such bad times . Best wishes xxxx

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / At my wits end
« on: September 25, 2017, 01:23:00 PM »
Hi everyone, I have taken great comfort from reading posts on here for the past few months. I have felt less alone but sad at how many ladies are suffering. I don't know where to start as my head is all over the place and I am very anxious. I don't want to go over all the horrible things that have happened over the past 8 years with my dil and I am not perfect either. I have tried to keep the peace and taken a lot of verbal abuse but I can't do it anymore. My ds has changed so much and I worry for him and my grandkids. My dil has no respect for me and tells so many lies that I feel like there is no way forward. I wonder if I should cut all contact with them for my own sanity. I feel my dh and I should be enjoying life and not be constantly worrying about what will happen next. Every week there's a drama and every time I speak to my ds my stomach is in knots. I feel ill and tired. What do I do ?? I need peace. I hope this all makes sense . Thanks to the kind ladies who put encouraging comments for me when I commented on another post. Love to all x

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Starting to find acceptance
« on: August 30, 2017, 02:03:24 PM »
Hi Marina and luise.volta thank you so much for your kind words. I have felt so alone but now I don't. I am in a bad place at the moment and I know you will understand this but I have hope that it will get better. Thank you. X

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Starting to find acceptance
« on: August 30, 2017, 05:35:40 AM »
Hi I'm new on here but have been reading lots of the posts for a few months and they have been a massive help to me. Alwaysmom I felt so sad reading what has happened to you. I hope you are doing ok and know that even though I'm a stranger I send you lots of love and good wishes. I don't know if I need to put my story as it's along the lines of all the posts I have read. I need to find some kind of peace as I am constantly anxious and have had a lot of panic attacks. This is a brilliant site full of very brave women. I'm glad to have found you all. Xx

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