June 12, 2021, 07:35:58 pm


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - IssaQueen

In no way do I feel like I am marrying down. FH is going for his graduate degree and then will go for his  PHD. I am content with just a college degree! I have never looked down on FMIL at all. But it is hard for me to like her when I feel she dislikes me and my family.
Monroe, it's hard to explain. I have a college degree, FMIL does not, comes from a blue collar background, works with FFIL at the family roofing company. FH has said that his mom is very sensitive about coming from an impoverished background and being blue collar. Feels ashamed of not having much education. She did not learn to read until she was 16. i have never mentioned this or brought up my education or shamed FMIL for her lack of education. But I think that she thinks I may look down on her.

At our first meeting, FH and his dad did the talking. FMIL did not say much, but just looked at me and not in the friendliest way. My parents also have advanced degrees, as dows the majority of my family. This may also be something that could be causing discomfort on FMIL's part.

I don't know what to say about this. I do not feel the need nor do I have the desire to apologize for my education and privileged background. I feel that maybe FMIL thinks I should.
Thank you guys for the replies. Like I said, it just didn't occur to me as I always got the vibe my FMIL does not care for me and therefore I figured she would not care to meet my family. And like I said, now of course, my mom and dad are not too thrilled with the prospect of meeting FMIL at all. They would be fine to just meet her at the wedding.
Again, thank you for being so welcoming. I am not so sure that my MIL to be has declared war. I hope she hasn't. I hope we get past this bump. But you are older than I, so you have more knowledge of human nature. My mother has told me not to give MIL to be any ammunition and to keep my true self, thoughts and feelings from her, because  my fiance's mom could use it against her. I know as of this writing, my mom and dad have no intention f meeting FMIL.
Thank you very much. It is a hard road to be on.
I am hoping for some perspective here. My FH and I have been dating for two years. At first it was long distance, as I was on the West Coast and he was on the East Coast. After her proposed 6 months ago, I transferred my job and moved to be with him. That is the good part. The bad part is my FMIL  and I do not gel. She has not taken to me in the least and I in turn, have a hard time relating to her. Our personalities are very different and I am not sure that gap can be bridged. I have always been polite and respectful, but am very reserved in the presence of FMIL-I am sure she sses it as standoffish, but I cannot help it. I am an introvert anyway and esp when I suspect that someone does not like me, which I am sure is the case with FMIL.

FH has talked with his mom, but things have not improved much. But here is why I am writing. This past Sunday, FMIL invited us to Sunday Dinner-I did not go, but  FH did. My parents were in town for 3 days-they have never seen the area where I live and I was spending time with them. FH told his mom that I did not come as my parents were in town. FMIL was very upset by this and maybe even hurt. She asks why didn't she know that my parents were in town, why did she not get a chance to meet them? She is really insulted by this and now I am in the doghouse more than ever.

I do not see the issue. My parents were in town to spend time with me-they had dinner with FH and I their first night here-and they did not request to meet FMIL. I did not think it was necessary or important. FH and I haven't begun planning the wedding yet-we are getting hitched in late 2018-and there is plenty of time to meet before then. So it will happen eventually, both parents meeting, but  I don't see why it had to be the first time my parents visited.

To be fair, my mom is my best friend (along with my sister and my friend since 2nd grade) and I did tell her of my troubled relationship with FMIL. But at the same time, I do not consider this a snub by myself and my folks toward FMIL.

Was I wrong?