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Messages - Hurtingmother

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I'll start off by saying, our lives were turned upside down with the infidelity of my ex-husband and the ultimate divorce that followed several years later.  I came from a broken home, my ex came from a broken home so we handled our situation a little differently.  No courts involved.  My children lived with me in the marital home, my ex moved out to live with his mother and new girlfriend.  I allowed him to see them anytime he wanted.  I met someone several years later, and the problems began.  I always wanted us to be able to co-parent and remain respectful to each other, but my ex husband had other ideas.  He tried to reconcile with me, (wasn't gonna happen)...crushed his ego...which then turned him into a nightmare.  He was terrible to me...he was abusive in front of our children, and then, the plan to try to ruin my relationship with my children began.  I married the person I met...he soon followed by marrying the girlfriend.  The relationship lasted about 2 1/2 years. He divorced her, met a woman about 15 years his junior who he was engaged to for over 10 years.  I never had a problem with her.  She was good to my children. There were problems with my new husband and my children in the beginning...he was very immature, no children of his own, and could be very verbally abusive to me and my children at times.  We separated after a year because I was not going to allow him to mistreat my children or myself.  He went to counceling, and has spent the last 17 years trying to repair the damage he did to the relationship with my children in the first year of our marriage.  My son ended up leaving and going to live with his father as a teenager, my daughter stayed with me.  To make a very long story short, my son is a new father, married and living in another country.  My daughter is living in a nearby city working very hard on her education and career.  We were very close in the beginning, but due to false statements made by my ex, our relationship has suffered.  I was there when my grandchild was born, but had to spend a very uncomfortable week with my son's dad and new wife.  I was totally ignored, and felt very disrespected.  My children's view of this is, its not my problem.  I don't care if he hates you, or if you hate him.  My children have always treated him differently than they did me.  He's very hard nosed, he holds grudges until death, very unforgiving, and has written his entire family off, including his mother.  He's a very cold person.  My adult children do not know what's going on in my life because they very rarely call.  I do not get to see either of them very often.  I know they do not defend me when their dad speaks badly of me, and that hurts.  I did everything I knew to do to preserve their relationship with their father, and he's done the exact opposite. I just don't feel like my children care that much about me.  I love them so much, and it hurts so bad.  My adult children treat their father totally different than they do me and I do not understand.  I'm not allowed to speak about my feelings regarding the situation with either of my adult children.  If I try, I'm immediately stopped.  They do not want to hear it.  I'm so afraid my ex will try to ruin my relationship with my grandchild just like he did with my children.  I really do not know what I'm suppose to do because whatever I do...it will be wrong...I'm just so tired of trying to make them care as much about me, as I do them.  It's exhausting and so hurtful when our relationship seems so unimportant to them. 

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