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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - Barbie

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Rough day
August 08, 2012, 03:33:48 pm
Pooh is absolutely right, that's a chance you have to be willing to take. It had gotten so bad for us that I figured it couln't get any worse, DS and I were very close so I had no problem telling him how we felt.

It has gotten better for us in the past year or so but nowhere near what it used to be before DIL came into the picture and I believe that's because our DS truly is a wonderful guy with a heart of gold and he's torn between his DW and his FOO, trying to do the best he can to make everybody happy. We have also we have lowered our expectations.
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Rough day
August 08, 2012, 06:15:12 am
Dear Pen,

I understand your anguish and I think days like these are inevitable as we love our DSs very much and want them to be happy. Sometimes it's easier when we don't see our DS, he's a wonderful, loving husband and father (he had a good example) and we are extremely proud of him, we wish DIL would show some appreciation for all he does for her rather than take advantage of his good nature, instead, she goes on about her business as usual knowing that he's suffering, and now we are seeing that our 4 yr. old GD is starting to treat DS just like her mother does.  Tough to watch!

Hang in there, Pen.   (((Hugs)))
Grab Bag / Re: Possible WWU Items
August 07, 2012, 07:14:06 pm
I love the idea!

One of my favorite "Louisems" is: -"What others think of me is none of my business".

Best of luck, Louise!

I loved reading your post.

I know how difficult it is for you right now, I was in a similar situation.

When our DIL was seven months pregnant with our first GC we asked her what her plans were at the time she went in the hospital, if she wanted us there, etc., her answer was that her mother was going to be there and that she would let us know and that was the last we heard. When the time came for her to go to the hospital our DS called me to let me know but never mentioned anything about wanting us there (we live about 4 hrs away), then the 2nd time DS called me to tell me about DIL's progress, still didn't mention anything and before we hung up the phone I said to him that his grandfather thought that we (DH and I) should be there to what he responded: "then come"! Well, for me that was too late, shortly after, we had a very bad storm and couldn't make it to the hospital until the next day. Things went from bad to worse and now there has been some improvement but I have zero expectations and I am very thankful to this forum for helping me with that, it's not easy to do but the sooner you get into that frame of mind the better. I have pretty much adopted your MIL's attitude towards GC and I'm/we are a lot happier. DH and I have a good life and if and when we see our DS and GD, that's fine, if not that's ok too.

I wish you the best.



Just wanted to say that I also enjoy watching my GD wear and play with the gifts that I give her more than buying them, however, when I said that to my DS I got an earful from him, one of the nicest things that he told me was that once you give someone a gift it is theirs to do whatever they want with it, of course I agree with that but it's different with a GC I thought, he made me feel like I was such an awful person for feeling this way, so I stopped buying gifts.
Dear Pen,

Are you sure you are jealous of their wealth? After all, you know that they lack morals and integrity, why would you be jealous of anything they have obtained under those circumstances? That doesn't sound like you Pen.  I think you might be jealous of the relationship that your DS has with them and how he makes them feel important which he doesn't do with you. From my own experience, the fact that I feel as if my DS has traded his own family for DIL's FOO bothers me more than I can say, I would never trade places with them though. Recently DS has given me some validation which is all I needed to hear in order to feel better.
Grab Bag / Re: Personal Request
March 13, 2012, 11:37:13 am
Dear Louise,

Congratulations on your new forum. You and your wonderful son Kirk have done it again! I have no doubt it will be a great success as so much of this information is needed.

Grab Bag / Re: Birthday Wishes
March 13, 2012, 11:32:55 am
Dear Louise,

Happy belated birthday and may you have many, many more wonderful years.


Grandchildren / Re: Confused and sad
October 16, 2011, 08:20:30 am
Dear Nana,

I wouln't want to be in your shoes right now. Not only is it bad that your DIL bit her but she's also teaching her DD to lie. I think you're doing the right thing by not rushing to ask her about the incident, I'm sure DIL is feeling pretty bad already and the fact that she knows you know is not helping. Wait a few days for things to cool off and see if she comes to you, this is not a pattern with her so even though you have every right to be sad that it happened you don't want to do anything to jeoperdice the relationship you two have now, in the meantime imagine having duct tape over your mouth, as Louise says.

I wish you luck, Nana. This too shall pass.

This has always been my biggest complaint since DS met DIL. I have to say that I really commend you for not saying anything to DS, but like LL, I couldn't keep my mouth shut and one thing led to another and here we are. They blame me for the way things are now but I believe things would have been the same no matter what (as in your case) and so I chose to tell them how I felt. I don't think we can win no matter how we choose to handle the situation, it's up to our DS's to want to spend more time with us. DIL FOO's life hasn't changed much, but our lives have changed forever. I'm sorry to say that things probably won't improve much after the GC are born. To me the solution is to learn to live without them, concentrate on other aspects of you life.     "Simple but not easy".
Grab Bag / Re: Luise
October 04, 2011, 04:15:30 pm

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Gifts
October 04, 2011, 04:04:39 pm

I was thinking the same thing myself, not because I want to save money but because recently I've come to the realization that DIL really hates me, and any reminder from me will probably make her very angry, DS has told me many times that she wants nothing to do with me and she may think I'm trying to buy her affection. When I do something for someone, I do it from the bottom of my heart. 
I'm interested to hear how others feel about getting gifts from people they detest.
What a great opportunity to spend all that time with your grandbaby. Enjoy!

Miracles do happen. I'm so happy for you and DH and I hope she opens up the lines of communication again with the two of you.

Grab Bag / Re: Luise
September 30, 2011, 05:11:32 pm

Hope you get well soon.