Xmas 2018 I drove 5 hours to deliver gifts. My dil walked out leaving him with 4 kids. 11yr, 6yr, twins 2yr. Stayed one nite n next day when I asked what he was going to do. His work is construction so long hours 6&7 days a week. He reacted to outrageous.. I did not say more than that question. Nor been derogatory in my remarks about dil. He became enraged. Grabbed my suitcase n threw it outside. Grabbed the bedding I had n out the door too. He grabbed me by my arms to throw me out. I walked out. I was shocked n utterly in total confusion. Was bruised n heartbroken. My son has tbi so his behavior has been out of control in the past. He is 33. He wld not respond to texts and I was blocked on his phone. None of it made sense. Its been a rough year with the sorrow. My only child. Now xmas 2019 he called but immediately called the number back. He answers n went I into a tirade how I would never see the kids. I just cried on the phone. Nothing was registering. I did not do him wrong as a child, I was involved, loving, caring and there for him. There is history of his erratic behaviors with his entire family on his dads side and no one wants anything to do with him. He burned his bridges and he screams how no one is there for him n he wants me out too. Just heartbroken I dont kno how the gd kids are or what to do. I am grieving horribly. Any advise?
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I am so sorry that you are up against such a tough situation. None of us here have any training as counselors, we share our own experience and we care. My first thought is that if things had gotten that bad with my son, I think I would have gone to a counselor. What I learned in a much less volatile situation was what was going on with my son had nothing to do with me, even though he didn't see it that way. He simply wanted to blame me for anything and everything in his life that didn't suit him. It took me a long time to realize there was nothing I could do about any of that. He was an adult and he had to find his own solutions and if being estranged from me and teaching his sons to follow in his footsteps was the path he chose, that was up to him.
For a long time, I gave him my power. By that I mean I became the victim of his perceptions and actions and tried frantically to fix whatever was wrong. Eventually, I realized my power lay in how I lived my own life as a person...not as his mother. Like you, I gave it my best and he was no longer my dependent child. My job was done. I turned toward the things that brought me joy and fulfillment and took my life back without him and my grandchildren in it. My son has to deal with life just like we all do and hopefully learn to face the consequences of his actions. I love him and I wish him well. That's the best I can do and I do it silently and from a considerable distance. The only other thing I can think of to share is I'm happy.