Since two of my grandsons were born, I raised them from diapers to teens. After having the kids in their first four years, I adopted them because my daughter and the father were willing to relinquish their parental rights. My husband and I nurtured, sent them to school, paid their hospital and dental bills, got involved in their sports activities -- you name it we did it. The reward -- the biological father undermines us and tells the boys we took them away from him, wouldn't let him raise them -- although he chose not to come visit them. To date, my grandsons have alientated my husband and I. Family and friends who were an outstanding support system for the boys cannot understand why -- nor can we.
I am hurt, but I have no regrets. Though their last words to us were mean, spiteful, hateful, and sometimes even threatening, we know we did all we could do as parents. Even when those boys eventually got into trouble with the police -- we were there. Some days I cry more than others. I love them and I always will.
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Your post is written about your grandchildren but you actually raised them so it was difficult for me to choose where to move it.......grandchildren or children? I hope this choice does not upset you.
I have lots of experience with my DS deciding that my advice was not wanted, needed or appreciated. He went through a phase like that (and married....ugh!) and he is currently living with the lessons he has learned. Yes, he now wishes that he had listened to me but.......oh well. We have two wonderful granddaughters and I love them so much but I honestly still do not see what my DS thought he was marrying. Anyway with a few more years under his belt and being entirely responsible for his own decisions he has finally seen the light. I think your grandsons will do the same. Anyway I hope they will.
For now the best thing you can do for yourself and your DH is to go out and enjoy your life. Make plans for fun things and try to turn your focus to the things in your life that bring you joy. My mantras are:
1) No news is good news
2) Not my circus, not my monkeys
3) What you focus on expands
Please take heart in the fact that you did the absolute best you could for your grands and one day they will recognize what you did. Go out and have some fun!!!
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