I'm having a problem with my daughter-in-law and I don't know how to deal with it I moved from out of state to live in their state to help take care of my grandchildren to save their money on a child care I watch their children Monday through Friday sometimes I get a break when the other Grandma can do some of it I tidy the house I feed the kids I pick him up from school take him to their sport games I love my grandchildren but I will admit they are a handful they're not always nice and sweet but I love him anyway my daughter-in-law always finds fault and everything that I do and of course my son backs her up which I understand I feel their expectations of me or way too high I'm beginning to feel more like a made a servant nanny and not like a grandma I'm about ready to pack up and go back where I came from my daughter-in-law never complains about her own mother only about me which I can understand it's her mother but I know I'm not perfect but I'm here trying to help I've uprooted my whole way of life to accommodate them and now I feel I made a big mistake I don't know how to fix the problem
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Wow! I really have no personal experience to give you because I have never offered to keep my grands five days a week. I work at a daycare five days a week so that I won't miss my grands so much. I tell people that it is like being paid to be a grandma and it is! Maybe you could find a job like mine? At least they appreciate me and if I am sick the daycare covers for me. Oh, and I can get a vacation! Sounds to me like you could use a vacation. Have you had one of those recently? After all they say "absence make the heart grow fonder"
Anyway the one thing that we have advocated over and over is that once our children are grown our parenting job is done. Now I can start spending my life doing things I enjoy. Planning trips and volunteering or working at the day care. I am retired but I found myself depressed if I stayed at home because my DH was still working and there was no human interaction all day long. Now I work for a few hours every morning (it is only part time) and take off when I want to (mostly). My life improved so much when I started focusing on making myself happy instead of worrying about what I could do to make my relationship with my DS/DIL better. Actually the relationship with my DS improved also.
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I didn't do anything like what you have done when my grandchildren were little, but I still got stuck in my own expectations and didn't realize they were mine, not my DS and DIL's. In being the best mom I could, like most moms I put myself second for so many years that I didn't see myself deserving more as a grandmother. Eventually, self-respect won and I got unstuck. Hugs and hang in there!.,