It happened to me. After 11 years of abuse by DIL, aided and abetted by DS, I finally realized I had to withdraw from DS's life. I told him so on Feb 15th, 2 months ago. It's not easy. Everyone who has had to do this knows it's not easy. However, I want to share a video with you, a video where Jane Goodall releases a chimp into the wild. Every time I watch this video, I think to myself "That's what mothers do for sons and daughters, that's what grandmothers do for grandchildren. Love them dearly, then let them go". It helps me recenter myself, tell myself I have done a good job loving DS, and now I must let him go. His life from now on has nothing to do with me. Maybe this video will help you too.
Thank you so much, AF! What a hard lesson for some of us to learn. It took me decades. We give it our best shot and then the choices they make and the paths they take are none of our business. Our unfulfilled hopes and dreams belong to us and are none of their business. It seems so harsh. We see examples around us where the hopes and dreams of others are met and even expanded upon and that magnifies our loss. There are no answers to our 'whys' but/and survival brings us to the acceptance of 'what is', if we're lucky. Hugs