Life Code by Dr. Phil McGraw is the book for anyone who has ever wondered:
"I just don't get why she is acting that way, its just not nice!"
"She was my best friend and now she's my husband's mistress -- what happened?"
"John does nothing at work, yet he's the boss' best friend and confident and just got the only raise in the office."
Dr. Phil has an acronym BAITER. It stands for backstabbers, abusers, imposters, takers, exploiters, reckless. Know anyone like that? Your adult kids, mother in law, daughter in law, someone at work? He explains how these people who cheat, exploit, use and abuse, think and act. He says good people have no idea how or why someone would be a BAITER, so he's giving us the playbook. And that is true, most of us just can't understand the hows and whys our AC, MIL, DIL could be so uncaring, mean, selfish or spiteful.
Here's a quote from page 19, "It is ugly but true that some people, a lot of people, "win" just because they play the game of life according to a different set of rules or no rules at all, and they are very skilled at it."
He also writes about the "Evil Eight" identifiers. The first one is "Do they see the world through a lens of arrogant entitlement and frequently treat people as targets?" Number 5 is "Do they thrive on drama and crisis?" Number 8 is "Do they live in a fantasy world, marked by delusion?"
The second half of the book is helping ourselves learn the new "life code" playbook, which is excellent advice for living your life in such a way as to deflect and repel "BAITERS" -- many of whom are our family members. He says on page 138, "Its not enough to just know yourself. You also need to know how to present yourself."
Enough of a book report. Let me tell you how this book has affected my life. My husband and I read this book together in the Fall of 2014 (it is also available as an audiobook read by Dr. Phil, and he's great) and the proverbial light bulb moment happened to us. Suddenly we understood the negative, narcissistic family members and co-workers in our life. We started putting his techniques into practice and found our lives were full of less stress and anguish. We realized nothing we did could change the BAITER in our life and we did have control over something -- ourselves and our thinking and our actions. We've had lots of stress and drama but we don't take it personally and are able to repel it before it eats us alive inside. Its such a good book, I set a goal to reread it every year (like right now).
Thanks SO much, GT! :)
This is helpful, GT, thanks.