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Problem Solving => Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters => Topic started by: kate123 on October 18, 2014, 04:33:11 pm

Title: Holiday stress is coming
Post by: kate123 on October 18, 2014, 04:33:11 pm
Hello Ladies, well here we go again into holidays. Ever since my divorce 10 years ago I have never had a holiday visit in my home with my Ac's, as I mentioned before, my ex gets first dibs, then in-laws. I was invited to my AS's a couple of times and I went. I have never been invited to AD's. AD and I are done as far as I am concerned because I could no longer take the way she treats me.
My dilemma is this, should I make the 10 hour drive for Thanksgiving. It is a dilemma because I feel that this is one sided in that I do not get visited even when he or AD are driving through town on their way to visit someone else. Also this will be an expense and I am on a fixed income.
I can't express how tired I am of my ACs. It is a sense of hopelessness in that I can't do for them what my ex can do with four times my income, or what the in-laws can do who also have money. I really think that if I was doing more, spending more, that I would get more attention, but isn't that pretty sick?
I am so tired of it all I just don't care to put myself out. Quiet holidays at home seem a little more desirable at this point. But I am afraid if I don't go it will somehow be used against me in the future- probably no more invites. What do you think??
Title: Re: Holiday stress is coming
Post by: luise.volta on October 18, 2014, 07:26:52 pm
K - My take is that no more invites might work well for you. There are a lot of ways to spend the holidays that don't exact a price. It also seems to me that doing what you want...to please yourself is healthy. I've learned to be my own best friend. :-)
Title: Re: Holiday stress is coming
Post by: Pooh on October 20, 2014, 01:21:58 pm
I agree with Luise.  You said it all in your writing.  You have no desire to go.  I would make my own holiday plans for something I would enjoy.  If they want to get angry, they are going to anyway, with or without you traveling.  I am so tired of one sided relationships where one party always seems to be the one giving.  Take your life back.
Title: Re: Holiday stress is coming
Post by: kate123 on October 20, 2014, 03:24:08 pm
Thank you Louise & Pooh- Guess it is a fear that saying NO to anything will cause more distance then there already is. Coming here is so helpful and has really saved me from losing it over the past many years. Being without AC's around is actually much easier then walking on eggshells as many here have said in one way or another.