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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: Nana on April 23, 2010, 02:14:36 AM

Title: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Nana on April 23, 2010, 02:14:36 AM
My two grandchildren dont eat candy at all.  They can eat a little peace of cake on birthdays (not chocolate).  Once in a while they can have an icycle or similar.  It is my dil decisions (my son sometimes gets into a fight with her in regard to this matter).  I respect her decisions but sometimes it breaks my heart because when they see a candy they beg me to give it to them.  (Grandson is 3 and granddaughter is 2).   On Fridays I take him to school and pick him us.  For Valentine's day he came from school with a huge bag of candies they gave him at school.  He asked me if he could eat only one lollipo and I told him that he knew that he didnt eat candy?  He started crying and crying and as I was driving I had tears in my eyes.  I finally said yes....and the other little one demanded one for herself.  So there I go.  You should have seen how slowly and quietly they ate all their lollipop (you could see their enjoyment).    I did tell their mommy what had happened and told her how grandson had beg and that I did not have the heart to deny him that so that I would take any scoulding.    She did not get mad  because it was something I never do, but I know this is becoming very difficult for me to control. 

I will continue to do what mommy wants but do you think this can go on forever?    Do you think it is normal?  Do other mothers do this also?
I agree that Children do not need to eat candy a lot but how can this affect the children when they see that they are the only ones that cannot eat junk.    Thanks for listening (I feel better).
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Postscript on April 23, 2010, 03:48:13 AM
I personally don't see any issue with an occasional sweet.  Having said that I put it off with my kids as long as I could, it does get harder when they get to school and move out into the world.  I believe in moderation.

The point is, as an adult and as a mother, it was my decision to do that.  Your gc's mother chooses not to give them sweets at all.  Not having sweets will not harm them.  Children beg for all sorts of things, my son begged one day to jump off the roof of the garage with an umbrella so he could fly!  Needless to say, I didn't give in. 

You didn't hide what you'd done, so no harm no foul. 

I really don't see the harm in denying needless sugar, obesity is at epidemic proportions throughout the first world.  Teaching children to eat well and why is important.



Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: cremebrulee on April 23, 2010, 06:19:28 AM
In my opinion, there are many joys of life, such as experiencing the great arts of the world, landscapes, cultures, and cuisines of all countries, plus I love to cook...
so to me, a worry about this, would be, and (everything in moderation) if you deprive Children of something, when, they grow older and can gain access to it, then they might go overboard...

To the original poster...one thing we as humans must learn...different people, different households, have different rules, therefore, regardless, we must respect the rules of those people, including our DIL's, no matter how we disagree...or we find they're rules unfair, they are still the mother's and they're rules are important to them...so, my suggestion would be, carry Goldfish or Crakers of somekind, maybe Animal crakers, and give them those for snacks once in a while?  What do you think?
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: bettylou on April 23, 2010, 06:30:36 AM
More and more I see this is becoming the new normal when it comes to raising kids.  I think it is ok to have treats but I guess to each their own?  I remember asking my daughter's pediatrician about this and she agreed she told me the larger problem with kid's diet is way too much juice and not enough milk or water for kids.  The mom's get to decide when and what the kid's can eat and other's have to go along with it.  My son had a friend with terrible diabetes growing up, so no candy at all ever, what they did was put it in a jar when they got it from school and then when the jar was full they used the candy to buy a toy from their mother, like trade it for a toy car or something.  Maybe your family can do something like that.  There are gummy bear vitamins that can take the place of one candy a day or there are organic lemondrops and things like that.  Ask your dil what she thinks makes a nice treat for the kids and keep that on hand.  You and the kids can bake cookies, share one and take the rest to a friend's house or to a sick person.  I would just try to enjoy what time you have with them and try to make it fun and still pleasing to your daughter in law.  But I do understand your frustrations at always being the one that says no when you do not want to.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: luise.volta on April 23, 2010, 06:54:54 AM
This must be vary hard to keep in place; the mother, ever-vigilant and the kids always manipulating and plotting. There is probably no way she is going to be able to keep it in place once they get a little older, are away from home a lot and become more independent. I do know if begging works, it never stops...whether it is for one lollipop or for a one pound bag of lollipops. Enough seldom computes. It's a tough issue. Pressure will become worse as the kids grow up...the media...school parties. And we can all see the result of that; obese and unwell children everywhere.

Sweets were rationed in my home and as I grew up that triggered craving. I saw them as love withheld and became a sugar-coholic. Some of that was metabolism, some of it was having a rebellious nature and some of it was insecurity but none of it was outlived when I became an adult. The imprint stayed...and at 83, it's still an issue.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: SunnyDays09 on April 23, 2010, 07:08:00 AM
I will continue to do what mommy wants but do you think this can go on forever?    Do you think it is normal?  Do other mothers do this also?
I agree that Children do not need to eat candy a lot but how can this affect the children when they see that they are the only ones that cannot eat junk.    Thanks for listening (I feel better).


Ok.  Take a deep breath.  I know what you are going thru! 
  Today with an insurgence of diabetes in children (Type 2), food intolerances, etc I think it would be in the best of interest to try to explain to child that his mommy/daddy/grammie love him so much and want to make sure he is healthy and happy.  That he doesn't understand that there are some candies that just have too much sugar and could cause stomach upsets or even allergies. 
  Give him options:  organic popcorn, celery with peanut/cashew/someother butter w/raisins, fruits cut into little shapes, dried fruits/nuts/etc.  Let him know he isn't missing a thing. 
  Then sit down and read those ingredients of the crap people are handing to their children to eat and google some of it online.  You would be amazed. Shocked. Outraged.
   I am dealing with food intolerances and gluten in my "adult moved back home" daughter of 24 years.  She is a mess.  Before she left our home she ate good clean food.  Organic.  Clean of bug killers and all those dangers that somehow are allowed to get in to preserve the "food" for ever. 
   Her digestive system is a mess.  A complete, utter mess.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  But it became this way when she was on her own.  Her choices proved to be the wrong ones.
   Sugar doesn't help anyone.  It can feed many cancers.   The dyes, additives and preservatives --all in most candies - have all been shown to cause dangerous changes at the cellular level. 
  Not to mention what it may do to a growing child's system. 

   The knowledge - the information - is out there on sugar.  Yes it is bad in it's processed and HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP form.  Really bad.  Even the hamburger giant claims to put sugar on their french fries - those things DO NOT de-compose or go bad when left out.  They just shrivel, but stay in their form for eternity.   If you can't digest it, it will end up in your cells somewhere and begin mutation.  I have read so much on this. 

   Not to scare anyone - but eat food in it's clean most natural way and forgo the processed items.  I have and I no longer need many medications for heart burn, sinus problems, migraines, IBS, etc.  Now I need to work on my daughter to get her health back.

  Sorry.  This is soooo important to me!!  Feed your body well - it's the only one you have!! :)

 P.S.  Is mom willing to compromise with organic cacao?  Or something similar instead? 
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Birdy on April 23, 2010, 08:47:14 AM
This kind of hits home with me.  I got a lot of grief for my choices with my kids. 

Funny part of it is most of that comes from my friends and not my family.  But I feel like as the parent I have ever right to say what they can and can not eat at such a young age.

I made all of my baby food, I breast feed for over a year and I refused to give juice.  I felt like it was empty calories and not needed.  The first time my DD had juice it was when she was 2.5 years old.  I now have it in the house and only give it to the kids in the morning cut with water so that they can take their liquid vitmans.

My entire family backed me and never gave me grief, but my friends did. 

I don't deny my kids anything, but I think a homemade cookie is much better for them then a store bought.  So I make cookies for them.

Do they get candy - yes - I have a closet full for the holidays and such, but they may only get a piece or two a week.

I also don't believe in soda and try not to drink it in front of the kids when I do.  I suffer from migraine's and when I get them I need the coke, so there is always some in the house.

But that being said the only time I have given a care giver specific food instructions is when they were restriced from eggs, honey & peanut butter.

I don't know - aren't grandparents supposed to give treats and such.  Mine did and I loved how it made me feel special.

I wonder if a lot of these restrictions are more about CONTROL then anything else.


Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: alohomora on April 23, 2010, 08:51:46 AM
My sisters are the same way. Their kids didn't eat anything like candy for years, one of them still doesn't really know what chocolate is.

There is a huge paranoia I think in my generation of children eating unhealthy, fatty foods. Everywhere we look we are being warned of obesity and transfats, and yeah, its making us panic a bit. A lot in some cases.

It bothers me that my one sister severly limits her child's candy intake around hallowe'en, but I finally decided you know what, they are good mothers. They want the best for their kids and they are concerned about the children's health. The kids'll survive without treats just fine, and yeah eventually they'll make their own money and be able to buy what they want, or sneak it from friends at school, so in the grand scheme of things, hey, its not horrible.

I know this one is going to be hard for my MIL when the time comes. Her house is like a candy store and my DH and his siblings were raised with sweets. The result? An obese mother, a father with diabities, and the chance of my DH and his siblings getting this disease is high. I don't want that for my kids. When we lived lcloser to the IL's, everytime we'd go to their house MIL would load up our car with junk food. I'd take it out, and she'd put it back in. We'd do this over a couple of days until I'd loose it and tell her we don't want it. She just doesn't understand.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: justus on April 23, 2010, 09:51:11 AM
Maybe it would help if you understood why your DIL doesn't allow candy. I won't go into it, but most candy nowadays is not just a harmless treat. Candy is full of really bad things for kids. There are alternatives, however, so if you understood the reason, you might be able to keep the alternatives around to give them. Health food stores have candy that is made from organic cane sugar instead of corn syrup. They also have good healthy treats like dried fruit and vegetables. My granddaughter who is 3, would take dried cherry tomatoes over chocolate any day (she pronounces tomatoes like tamarros, and we dry tomatoes from our garden).

Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Pen on April 23, 2010, 11:17:43 AM
I'm one of the health food "freaks" too...organic homegrown veg, breastfeeding, homemade baby food, no juice, no sugar, no white flour, all whole grains, organic non-hormone meats, etc. etc. When the kids started school it was very hard to regulate their intake of sweets. We now, after they've graduated, have a law regarding sugar and transfats in schools, but it was a battle. Luckily my friends were all similar and so were other family members. Now we're dealing with really poor nutrition at OD's residential program...they feed her terribly but at least they're aware of her dairy allergies. DS went off the deep end when he moved out and went to college - pizza and beer diet, LOL. He's now back on track, for the most part, and it's DIL who says we were not loving parents because we didn't have bowls of candy available to our kids at all times. Go figure!
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Hope on April 23, 2010, 08:42:40 PM
I will continue to do what mommy wants but do you think this can go on forever?    Do you think it is normal?  Do other mothers do this also?
I agree that Children do not need to eat candy a lot but how can this affect the children when they see that they are the only ones that cannot eat junk.    Thanks for listening (I feel better).


Ok.  Take a deep breath.  I know what you are going thru! 
  Today with an insurgence of diabetes in children (Type 2), food intolerances, etc I think it would be in the best of interest to try to explain to child that his mommy/daddy/grammie love him so much and want to make sure he is healthy and happy.  That he doesn't understand that there are some candies that just have too much sugar and could cause stomach upsets or even allergies. 
  Give him options:  organic popcorn, celery with peanut/cashew/someother butter w/raisins, fruits cut into little shapes, dried fruits/nuts/etc.  Let him know he isn't missing a thing. 
  Then sit down and read those ingredients of the crap people are handing to their children to eat and google some of it online.  You would be amazed. Shocked. Outraged.
   I am dealing with food intolerances and gluten in my "adult moved back home" daughter of 24 years.  She is a mess.  Before she left our home she ate good clean food.  Organic.  Clean of bug killers and all those dangers that somehow are allowed to get in to preserve the "food" for ever. 
   Her digestive system is a mess.  A complete, utter mess.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  But it became this way when she was on her own.  Her choices proved to be the wrong ones.
   Sugar doesn't help anyone.  It can feed many cancers.   The dyes, additives and preservatives --all in most candies - have all been shown to cause dangerous changes at the cellular level. 
  Not to mention what it may do to a growing child's system. 

   The knowledge - the information - is out there on sugar.  Yes it is bad in it's processed and HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP form.  Really bad.  Even the hamburger giant claims to put sugar on their french fries - those things DO NOT de-compose or go bad when left out.  They just shrivel, but stay in their form for eternity.   If you can't digest it, it will end up in your cells somewhere and begin mutation.  I have read so much on this. 

   Not to scare anyone - but eat food in it's clean most natural way and forgo the processed items.  I have and I no longer need many medications for heart burn, sinus problems, migraines, IBS, etc.  Now I need to work on my daughter to get her health back.

  Sorry.  This is soooo important to me!!  Feed your body well - it's the only one you have!! :)

 P.S.  Is mom willing to compromise with organic cacao?  Or something similar instead?
Thanks, Happy.  That was all very informative information.  I guess I have a good chance of being cancer free b/c when I was growing up we ate all veggies/fruit that my dad grew (Mom froze and canned for winter).  They rarely bought canned goods, never had store bought salad dressings, pickles,  jellies/jams, applesauce......all homemade.  And we only ate out five times in my whole life growing up.  My Dad did develop colon cancer, but he was 81 years old.  Me and my siblings are pretty healthy and when you have your health, you have everything.  Great post, Happy.
Hugs, Hope
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: luise.volta on April 23, 2010, 09:14:41 PM
What a heritage! I grew up the same way, but there was no other choice...in the 20s and 30s!
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Pen on April 24, 2010, 09:04:24 AM
Back in the day when a treat was a treat and not an everyday expectation, Luise? When you knew what you were eating and where it came from? You were ahead of your time - it's coming around again; it's now trendy :)

I probably came across as a nut in my healthy foods post, but it's not like my kids were deprived although they say now that they felt it. Their friends had sodas everyday, for example, while DS & DD had treats occasionally, went to fast food places occasionally, etc. I didn't want them to be left out of things or treated like freaks, but at home we tried to be healthy eaters. Holidays and celebrations were times for enjoying foods that we didn't eat everyday.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: luise.volta on April 24, 2010, 09:45:43 AM
Sounds like you did a great job, Pen. In my day there were no prepared foods or even preservatives. No artificial this or that. I just didn't respond well to "rationing."  :( :o ;D
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Pen on April 24, 2010, 06:52:18 PM
Oh, I hear you, Luise! Nothing like "rationing" to suddenly make me feel like I want to eat everything in sight...I don't do well on those kinds of weight loss plans  :(
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Nana on April 25, 2010, 01:08:10 AM
Thanbk you very much for your responses. I liked all of them.  All of them enlighten me in one way or another.  I do respect mi dil rules and that is why I feel terrible sometimes because even though I agree that they dont need sweets, I just think that once in a while would be great.  I do buy a lot of the permitted food (like someone said goldfish cookies), wheat thins, and  Nilla.  I have green ligjt on these.   I agree with many about the fact that eventually they will get to decide....this cant go on forever.   I did not know how to answer individually to each post because I am a newie. 

May God Bless you all!
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: luise.volta on April 25, 2010, 07:47:46 AM
You are doing great. If you want to respond to one person...do what you just did and just add a name.  Or several like this:

Luise - thanks for the posting directions.

Pen - Nice to hear from someone who made this work.

Everyone else - Great group...thanks!

(It's that easy.)

Sending love...
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Nana on April 27, 2010, 01:34:48 AM
Thanks Luise for your information
Thanks for all the others who responded

thanks to all of you
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: kathleen on April 27, 2010, 06:10:13 AM
Hello, I am new and this is off the subject but I am trying to send a "New Post" and it won't send because I don't know what to put in the "To" Box.  can anyone help?

Thanks, Kathleen
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: luise.volta on April 27, 2010, 06:24:36 AM
Kathleen - Go to the home page...pick a category...like maybe Grab Bag at the bottom...hit New Topic and the window that comes up for you to type in only asks for a Subject...there is no "To" box.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: SunnyDays09 on May 12, 2010, 06:54:23 PM


Quote
Thanks, Happy.  That was all very informative information.  I guess I have a good chance of being cancer free b/c when I was growing up we ate all veggies/fruit that my dad grew (Mom froze and canned for winter).  They rarely bought canned goods, never had store bought salad dressings, pickles,  jellies/jams, applesauce......all homemade.  And we only ate out five times in my whole life growing up.  My Dad did develop colon cancer, but he was 81 years old.  Me and my siblings are pretty healthy and when you have your health, you have everything.  Great post, Happy.
Hugs, Hope

Hey thanks Hope.  I tend to go on and on and well, you know! lol.   I am seriously considering a veggie garden of my own.  I tried  a few years back and the bunnies were very well fed!! 
    I am glad you were able to grow up with a proper sense of nutrition.  So many problems we are seeing with kids attention, learning, diseases and to think perhaps it is what we feed them.  Look at the schools choice of nutrition as well.  Diets need to be addressed.  We need to stop talking about children becoming ill and obese and turn the words into action.  Ooops, there I go again!
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Pen on May 12, 2010, 07:18:46 PM
By all means make a veg garden if you can. My kids became veg eaters after helping in the garden and tasting all the fresh, raw produce. DH just made a raised bed garden (we now live in a rather inhospitable gardening area) so we can at least have a few things growing. Luckily there are a lot of people around who aren't dealing with our particular gardening issues so we can buy locally grown, pesticide-free stuff every week to fill in.

Sorry, all you snowbound WWU-ers...Spring is coming to you, too, eventually :) Hang in there!
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: 1Glitterati on May 12, 2010, 07:29:18 PM
By all means make a veg garden if you can. My kids became veg eaters after helping in the garden and tasting all the fresh, raw produce. DH just made a raised bed garden (we now live in a rather inhospitable gardening area) so we can at least have a few things growing. Luckily there are a lot of people around who aren't dealing with our particular gardening issues so we can buy locally grown, pesticide-free stuff every week to fill in.

Sorry, all you snowbound WWU-ers...Spring is coming to you, too, eventually :) Hang in there!

We do raised beds and they work quite well.  Our soil is very clay-ey.  So...with the raised beds we can keep some of that, add in compost and topsoil and barn dirt to get a good mix that will grow most things.  It's easy to do that in raised beds...to a whole plowed garden?  I don't think I could mix the soil like that over such a large area.
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: kathleen on May 13, 2010, 03:07:15 AM
I loved my grandmother, but she did constantly feed me candy behind my mother's back.  As a result, I developed a lot of problems with my teeth that still are with me today.  Plus this set up conflict; I wanted to keep eating the candy, so I never told my parents.  I remember my father wondering out loud how I could have so many cavities as I was only allowed candy on Sunday (but then, as much as I wanted.).  I wish we could treat chocolate as wine, as Europeans treat wine; have some very good chocolate occasionally at the end of a meal, without feeling "rationed."  This might really help kids to develop the right attitude toward candy.  Also as parents/GP's we should support all the efforts to get junk food of all kinds out of schools.  Sugar is in almost every single processed food item. 

Kathleen
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: doormat on May 13, 2010, 06:27:03 AM
I'm really laidback with DD, I'm with the "everything in moderation" crowd.  I am however very strict about pop.  She can drink juice, milk and water, and if she's not feeling well- some ginger ale of course.  And that's how I was raised.  DH, however, had every bite of food he ate scrutinized and has had a life long weight issue.  So, I don't think anything can be gained from hyper-vigilance.  He also grew up in a house where the "clean plate club" thing went on, which I totally disagree with.  I think it's ridiculous to insist people eat when they're not hungry. 

Anyway, there is this mom who had a kid in DD's dance class who is OVER THE TOP on everything like that.  She will only let her kids watch one hour of TV a week, and it has to be PBS, they have nothing but fruit, vegetables and lean protein constantly, and then she wonders why her kids act out-- I personally think it's their only act of freedom.   I've grown up with kids like that and they are no fun to be around as adults.  They seem to either over react and grab everything in sight, or become even more rigid themselves. 

Just my two cents.

***A funny side note.  The same mom was talking about how offended she was because she was beyond her breaking point, due to her daugher being so irreverent.  So, she had a behavioral specialist observe her daughter for a couple of days and not surprisingly- the spec. told her "Um, I think you need to lower your standards a bit, I didn't see anything that needed to be taken note of, she's simply being a normal child".   She was at the dance studio just throwing her hands in the air with this "can you believe it?" exasperated sigh.

If I were her, I'd be afraid of this child growing up and picking my nursing home.....
Title: Re: Grandchildren dont eat candy at ALL.
Post by: Pooh on May 18, 2010, 01:08:35 PM
This is a tough one.  I  think that as grandparents, we have to adhere to standards and rules set by their parents.  I don't have to agree with their rules but I have to respect their decisions.

Here is where I find this topic tough.  I am positive that eating healthy is good for you. And I need to do way better myself at eating more fruits, veggies and avoiding fast food more often.  But I grew up in a house where sweets were allowed.  There were rules that said we had to have lunch or dinner first before getting a sweet.  We were allowed an afternoon snack as long as it didn't interfere with dinner later.  Because of the access I had to sweets, I ate them when I wanted and left them alone when I didn't feel like one.

On the other hand, I had a friend who's family didn't allow them sweets.  When she would come to the house and see boxes of Little Debbies, cookies, candy bars, etc. in our pantry, she would literally drool.  Because her Mother told my Mother she wasn't allowed, my Mother didn't give her any and out of consideration, I wouldn't eat any either when she was there.  As soon as we moved out at 18, she ate every sweet in sight.  She put on a bunch of weight and today, still struggles with it.  We have been friends for 31 years and she will tell you that she thoroughly believes that being deprived of sweets growing up, made her overindulge as an adult.  I am still able to eat them in moderation.

So that is why I am torn.  From personal experience with her, I see the struggle she has as an adult with it.  And I know I had sweets in moderation and didn't turn out obese.  So I did the moderation with my own children and they are healthy, lean adults now.  Also I had a grandfather that smoked, drank, chewed tobacco, worked in the sun with no sunscreen every day of his life, ate all his food fried in lard and lived to be 94.  But I had a friend who didn't do any of that, was a vegetarian, exercised, didn't drink caffeine and wouldn't touch anything with sugar in it.  He passed away of a heart attack at 47.   

Not saying I am right, just my personal experience and why I am torn.