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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 04:26:04 AM

Title: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 04:26:04 AM
My sister's wedding shower is coming up and I have to stand up and introduce everyone in the wedding party.  My mother and father are paying for the whole wedding minus a few things my sister is paying for.  My DM is also paying for the food at the shower.  To lighen her load I took over the rest of the shower.  My Grandma was nice enough to give some money to help out with food cost for the shower.  I also got help from some but not all of the bridesmaids. 

Now how do I go around introducing the wedding party and include FBIL mom but put the highlight on my Mom and Grandma who are paying.  Also how do say thank you to the bridesmaids that helped me without being rude to the others that did not.  I am not upset the other bridesmaids did not help as I took the help when asked.  But I want to make sure the girls get some credit for what they did after all they spent some of their hard earned money to make my sister shower beautiful.

I really wish my mother would make this speech but she did not do it for my two showers so I already knew it would fall on me. Help please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 05:59:45 AM
I'm a little confused with this one SassyDI.    I think if you want to thank the people that helped with the shower, that's different and needs to be done seperately.  I actually think your Sister should stand and thank DM, GM, Bridesmaids, You, etc. for throwing her the shower.

That would allow you to introduce everyone in the wedding party as equals and make everyone feel involved.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: pam1 on May 18, 2011, 06:01:15 AM
Oooooh tricky.  I don't think there is any polite way to show this in a speech.  Most people will come away thinking poorly of you if you do somehow manage to do it.  And with the idea that the wedding planning was one of those weddings where women acted like banshees. 

IMO, it's best to keep that stuff quiet.  Everyone already knows who did what :)
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 06:11:59 AM
It is tricky and I am darn if I do darn if I don't.  My Grandma will be very hurt if I don't say something including her.  And my sister isn't going to thank everyone I am dong that on her behalf.  Does this sound good.

On behalf of my mom, Grandma bridal party and my sister I would like to thank you all for coming.  By the way for those of you who don't know my name is SassyDI and I am the older sister of sister.  I would like to take a moment to introduce to the mother's and Grandm's of the bride and groom.  My mom________  and granma__________ and BIL mom___________ Fbil grandma_________.  I would also like to take a moment to introduce you to rest of the bridesmaids.(then list them and maybe how they know the bride)
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 06:49:35 AM
At my shower, SIL had all the guests intro themselves... I'm XXXXX, One of the Bridesmaids, We've been friends since college.... I'm XXXXX, Grandmother of the bride.... and so forth. It might take any pressures off of you and then each person can introduce themselves as what they want.... I'm XXXXX, Maid of Honor, Best Friend of the Bride. You may call me Your Highness lol
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:03:59 AM
Pssst! Pen and/or Pooh. I took the liberty of changing the names already to protect the inocent lol, I'll make that more obvious for you next time. like Hi, I'm Miss Fabulous, MOH, BFF of Bride. Call my Your Highness. ;-)
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 09:13:18 AM
Lol...I knew what you were doing, but the forum agreement says we will not use fictitious names either, so I fixed it! You know I luff ya!  ;D
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: holliberri on May 18, 2011, 09:15:17 AM
SassyDI, I think that sounds good. I didn't have a shower for my weddng and I've never been to one either (lol...is that sad?) so I didn't know speeches were made. I didn't know it was a time to introduce bridesmaids and stuff. Does it have to be extravagant? (I'm not making this up, I really have never been to a bridal shower).
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:19:25 AM
Quote from: Holly on May 18, 2011, 09:15:17 AM
SassyDI, I think that sounds good. I didn't have a shower for my weddng and I've never been to one either (lol...is that sad?) so I didn't know speeches were made. I didn't know it was a time to introduce bridesmaids and stuff. Does it have to be extravagant? (I'm not making this up, I really have never been to a bridal shower).

Not sad, Holly. I was only ever to mine. It was fun. We played games. Ate cake. I got cool kitchen gadgets. It was pretty nifty. But also VERY "low-key." SIL led the games, but didn't have a"speech." She probably would have freaked out... Oh, and my MIL called the MOH 7 or 8 times that day! lol
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: LaurieS on May 18, 2011, 09:34:03 AM
Yes the bridal shower was a great place for the mean mil jokes to start..and sadly it was being done by a group of church ladies who were probably all mil's .... I didn't like it.. I didn't appreciate it.... I found the snide intro into the self introductions humiliating, snide, and hurtful as it was explained that each of us would take a turn to say who we are and how we know the bride-to-be..and then actually used the example of "you can say something like I'm the dreaded future mil"   So later when the 'ladies' wanted to take the time and get to know me and invite me to their future church events I didn't fell to bad about saying.. oh I'm sorry I'm agnostic and only here because this location was free to the bride.. but thanks for asking.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:36:40 AM
 :'( That was very mean of them, Laurie.... And kinda dumb. Why wouldn't the FMIL be at the shower? Isn't the whole point as an ice-breaker family blender....... Ooooh! I'm suddenly in the more for a pina colada!
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:37:30 AM
Quote from: Holly on May 18, 2011, 09:15:17 AM
SassyDI, I think that sounds good. I didn't have a shower for my weddng and I've never been to one either (lol...is that sad?) so I didn't know speeches were made. I didn't know it was a time to introduce bridesmaids and stuff. Does it have to be extravagant? (I'm not making this up, I really have never been to a bridal shower).

Thanks Holly I want to make it sound nice and pleasing to everyone.  I really wish my  mother had the guts to doit.  Nope leaving me to swim in the shark tank. I don't want to step on toes but I also want to give credit to those who deserve it. 
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:39:44 AM
Quote from: Laurie on May 18, 2011, 09:34:03 AM
Yes the bridal shower was a great place for the mean mil jokes to start..and sadly it was being done by a group of church ladies who were probably all mil's .... I didn't like it.. I didn't appreciate it.... I found the snide intro into the self introductions humiliating, snide, and hurtful as it was explained that each of us would take a turn to say who we are and how we know the bride-to-be..and then actually used the example of "you can say something like I'm the dreaded future mil"   So later when the 'ladies' wanted to take the time and get to know me and invite me to their future church events I didn't fell to bad about saying.. oh I'm sorry I'm agnostic and only here because this location was free to the bride.. but thanks for asking.

Sorry that happen to you no mean MIL jokes over here though.  I have really only met FBIL's mom once seemed nice she was on the quiet side.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:42:39 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:37:30 AM
I don't want to step on toes but I also want to give credit to those who deserve it.

Tread carefully here... Did you ASK all of the BM's to help? You said some helped more than others, but some people like to wait to be asked. You might really insult some people if you "give credit to those who deserve it."

Perhaps one of the BM's is really busy with her career. I know one of mine didn't help with the shower much because she was finishing tax season AND studying for her CPA exam. Another lives nearly 2 hours away. They are ALL very important to me and if my SIL had "given credit to those who deserve it." She would have insulted MY other friends. And well, I would not have been happy.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: LaurieS on May 18, 2011, 09:43:16 AM
it wasn't done against me as a person.. it was done because society says that mil's are wicked... comics say it's ok as this title makes one subhuman.  My response to them was a direct attack on how they view themselves.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:52:51 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:42:39 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:37:30 AM
I don't want to step on toes but I also want to give credit to those who deserve it.

Tread carefully here... Did you ASK all of the BM's to help? You said some helped more than others, but some people like to wait to be asked. You might really insult some people if you "give credit to those who deserve it."

Perhaps one of the BM's is really busy with her career. I know one of mine didn't help with the shower much because she was finishing tax season AND studying for her CPA exam. Another lives nearly 2 hours away. They are ALL very important to me and if my SIL had "given credit to those who deserve it." She would have insulted MY other friends. And well, I would not have been happy.

I am not mad they didn't help at all.  I kind of asked them for ideas and let them decided how they wanted to help if at all.   But i am a firm believer if I sat and did A B and C then yes I should get credit for what I have done.  All I was asking was how to word it more for FMIL mom then anyone so I word it right.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:56:13 AM
Sometimes it is nice to do things anonymously. ;-)
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:57:19 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 09:56:13 AM
Sometimes it is nice to do things anonymously. ;-)

Well I am not going to hurt my Grandma so thats out.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:01:29 AM
Is this "compliment" Grandma?
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:06:01 AM
No clue what your talking about.  I was asking how to word something nicely without insulting.  I have to make this speech no matter what and I have to use at least my mom and grandma name in the begining.  I wasn't asking should I do it because I have to do it. 
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:08:13 AM
The Grandma who complimented you on your weight that you had to vent about.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:08:29 AM
Would also like to add I am not happy about doing this but I am also not going to hurt someone I love dearly either by not saying thank you for my sister as she did for me when I got married.  So please if anyone has an idea how to word it better, or thinks my speech sounds good please help me.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:09:36 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:08:13 AM
The Grandma who complimented you on your weight that you had to vent about.

Doesn't make me love her anyless I was annoyed at her.  Futher DH's father was very annnoying during me wedding did some mean things but I still gave him credit where credit was due.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: pam1 on May 18, 2011, 10:11:14 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:08:29 AM
Would also like to add I am not happy about doing this but I am also not going to hurt someone I love dearly either by not saying thank you for my sister as she did for me when I got married.  So please if anyone has an idea how to word it better, or thinks my speech sounds good please help me.

What you posted already sounds great to me!

I think if anyone *choses* to take offense to that, it is clearly their problem, not yours.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:12:15 AM
Quote from: pam1 on May 18, 2011, 10:11:14 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:08:29 AM
Would also like to add I am not happy about doing this but I am also not going to hurt someone I love dearly either by not saying thank you for my sister as she did for me when I got married.  So please if anyone has an idea how to word it better, or thinks my speech sounds good please help me.

What you posted already sounds great to me!

I think if anyone *choses* to take offense to that, it is clearly their problem, not yours.

Thanks
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:36:38 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:52:51 AM
I don't want to step on toes but I also want to give credit to those who deserve it.

So, who do you feel doesn't deserve any recognition? and why?
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:43:04 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:36:38 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 09:52:51 AM
I don't want to step on toes but I also want to give credit to those who deserve it.

So, who do you feel doesn't deserve any recognition? and why?

ADIL I am not playing your games.  I already explained what I need to do and I don't see why you want to go round in circles.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:49:25 AM
I wasn't playing a game. You stated that you wanted to give credit where crdit is due and that some deserve credit and others don't. I was curious why you feel bridesmaid X deserves credit but bridemaid Y does not.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 10:53:34 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:49:25 AM
I wasn't playing a game. You stated that you wanted to give credit where crdit is due and that some deserve credit and others don't. I was curious why you feel bridesmaid X deserves credit but bridemaid Y does not.

Do you any advice on  how to write it?
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: LaurieS on May 18, 2011, 10:57:49 AM
sassy it really depends on the slant you want to take... if you are doing the 'proper' thing you will give an all encompassing thank you... to leave out a single bridesmaid, will be noted by all. And you will go down as looking either ignorant for forgetting a person or like a edited word for purposely leaving her out... just my opinion
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:58:58 AM
My only advice is to not under any circumstances openly thank Bridesmaids X Y and Z for their hardwork and exclude Bridesmaid A. You can get away with thanking G-ma or Mom for their hardwork without offending anyone because they aren't on "equal level" with the bridesmaids. All the bridesmaids are on the same footing though. If you want to thank Bridesmaids X Y and Z for helping you and exclude Bridesmaid A, just don't do it publicly. There's nothing wrong with going "Hey, Bridesmaid X. Thanks so much for your help assembling the favors." but don't put a spotlight on it.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 11:02:02 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 18, 2011, 06:11:59 AM
It is tricky and I am darn if I do darn if I don't.  My Grandma will be very hurt if I don't say something including her.  And my sister isn't going to thank everyone I am dong that on her behalf.  Does this sound good.

On behalf of my mom, Grandma bridal party and my sister I would like to thank you all for coming.  By the way for those of you who don't know my name is SassyDI and I am the older sister of sister.  I would like to take a moment to introduce to the mother's and Grandm's of the bride and groom.  My mom________  and granma__________ and BIL mom___________ Fbil grandma_________.  I would also like to take a moment to introduce you to rest of the bridesmaids.(then list them and maybe how they know the bride)
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 10:58:58 AM
My only advice is to not under any circumstances openly thank Bridesmaids X Y and Z for their hardwork and exclude Bridesmaid A. You can get away with thanking G-ma or Mom for their hardwork without offending anyone because they aren't on "equal level" with the bridesmaids. All the bridesmaids are on the same footing though. If you want to thank Bridesmaids X Y and Z for helping you and exclude Bridesmaid A, just don't do it publicly. There's nothing wrong with going "Hey, Bridesmaid X. Thanks so much for your help assembling the favors." but don't put a spotlight on it.

And if you read my speech above I already did that.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: holliberri on May 18, 2011, 11:03:11 AM
Sassy, your mock-up speech was fine, and it accomplishes what everyone has said.

If you really feel that someone needs an extra special thank you, tell them that personally, away from the crowd, without alluding to the unparticipative bridesmaid in the process.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 18, 2011, 11:07:17 AM
I must have a different view of the word "credit." All I saw in your speech (which IS very nicely worded. kudos!) was introducing the parties not saying thank you to them for all their hard work in helping you pull it all together which is "credit" in my mind.
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: willingtohelp on May 29, 2011, 06:19:11 PM
To be totally formal, the way this would be handled is that those who are paying are considered to be hosting the shower and would be listed on the invitation as hostesses.  That clarifies for people attending who they need to find and thank for their hospitality.  That being said, people can contribute in a number of ways, so don't forget to thank the person who, while not contributing financially, stayed up till 2 am stuffing goodie bags. 

Outside of the invitation, I've also seen at some showers where people have put cards in front of the food that say "X's Spinach Dip" and "T's Cranberry Punch" which is both a more homey way of describing the food and gives credit to the person who brought the dish.  In a speech, there are plenty of ways to subtly thank people who helped without calling attention to those who didn't.  So grab your glass of champagne or sparkling cider...

*clink clink clink of the glass*  Everyone, I'd like to thank you for coming to Bride's Name's shower.  It's so wonderful be able to gather together to celebrate such a joyous occasion.  And the festivities wouldn't have happened without the hard work of so many people.  Our wonderful spread was made by my mom and grandma *polite applause*, Bridesmaid one and two spent hours on the gorgeous center pieces, thank people in no more than 10 words per thanks here...I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, there's just so many people who have wanted to help make this day special for Bride's Name.  And that's because Bride's Name is so special to all of us.  So let's all raise our glass to Bride's Name. 

I do understand the comment that those who have helped should be thanked and that those who haven't shouldn't be.  But I'm also of the opinion that not every kid who plays TBall should get a trophy and that only kids who turn in their homework and know the correct answers for the test should get A's. 
Title: Re: Speech
Post by: SassyDI on May 29, 2011, 06:57:58 PM
LOL thanks the shower is over and I lucky me did not have to say a word DSis did the thanking and introductions.  So now onto the speech for the wedding which I can stress about public speaking not hurting anyone.