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Problem Solving => Grandchildren => Topic started by: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 10:14:31 am

Title: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 10:14:31 am
I am over the moon about our new baby girl that my daughter and SIL adopted.  Our local newspaper usually has a space where they will post babies' pictures for special days.  So, I took a picture of our new baby and the title was "2011 Grandparents' Valentine Sweethearts."

I called my daughter to get her in-laws address to send them a copy of the article in the newspaper as I had included their names as being the grandparents too.  Daughter said they probably would not care a thing about having this.  Broke my heart for her.

Granted they are not very loving people and we have almost no relationship with them, I thought this might bring us all a little closer for the sake of this baby that we share. I will give my daughter enough copies that if she wants to give them one then she can. 

Background:  SIl has two brothers.  Oldest brother has 3 adopted children, next brother and his wife are having a baby in July (she is Chinese and her MIL calls her "the chinese girl") and #3 son has an adopted baby with my daughter.  I do not see how they cannot love all God's chilluns - she has no relationship with oldest son's children. 

Just a rant. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: luise.volta on February 14, 2011, 10:23:01 am
I can't help but wonder, even though they have the right to choose whatever path they choose, what it offers them, don't you? Seems really sad to me. Sending love...
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pooh on February 14, 2011, 10:51:01 am
Sad to me too.  They are the ones missing out.  How very sweet of you to think of them FAFE.  You are a great Grandma!
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: pam1 on February 14, 2011, 10:54:37 am
I don't know...
Please don't take offense, but my parents would be a little embarassed if someone did this without their consent.   They just aren't that kind of people and would find it strange.

I don't think of my parents as unloving, they are just different.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 11:04:11 am
Pam1, I did not think of that, but when we put the birth/adoption announcement in the paper, sil wanted to make sure his parents were included.  I would never think of excluding them and just listing my husband and I.  Maybe I should ask sil next time. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pooh on February 14, 2011, 11:21:36 am
I would have never thought of that either.  I did it on my sons things growing up because they were always in the paper for sports and this and that.  But, the other grandparents liked them, so different story. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: pam1 on February 14, 2011, 11:24:22 am
My parents are very low key...in just about everything.  And proud too.  So this would come to them as strange and a shock. If they wanted to do something like that they would -- I can actually hear my father saying that lol.

And also, I think it's best to be careful about info that goes out in the public in general.  As a parent, I would not want that out there in public.  That's how the loonies start tracking things. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 11:41:51 am
To me, not wanting to be acknowledged as a grandparent or parent is even sadder. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: pam1 on February 14, 2011, 11:45:28 am
Quote from: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 11:41:51 am
To me, not wanting to be acknowledged as a grandparent or parent is even sadder.


What do you mean?  Just curious

I think most people with these kind of fundamental differences in thought will find it hard to see eye to eye.  I can tell you my parents wouldn't even think of it in a perspective as being acknowledged as a grandparent, they already are a grandparent. 

I dunno, I think it's best to leave others relationships alone in general.  Sure it may look funky or sad to others but if it works for them, who's to say it is wrong?  I mean, it really doesn't impact you anyway.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: cremebrulee on February 14, 2011, 11:53:28 am
Quote from: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 11:41:51 am
To me, not wanting to be acknowledged as a grandparent or parent is even sadder.


yes, but FAFE, we must take into consideration the way others feel....remember, your not wrong for feeling that way, but others might not feel the same way you do about it, and it doesn't make them wrong, it's simply how they are....

and to the person who suggested about not wanting information like that in the paper due to the loonies out there...it really angers me, when I think of how lucky we were as kids, to have the free roam we did to go outside and play...and never had to worry about child molesters or people out there stealing kids for child slavery and prostitition...honestly, being a young mother today would really scare me, however, like anything else, I suppose you get used to it...honestly, I cannot understand why strict laws are not passed to protect our children....but yes, I certainly understand how one might feel this way....and there are a whole lot of loonies out there....it's a shame....

Fafe...I hope your not upset, or feel like we're saying your wrong....your not wrong for your feelings, however, we must learn to take the feelings of others into account, for even though we may disagree or not understand, that person owns those feelings and they are just as important to them, as yours are to you....

does that make any sense?

Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pooh on February 14, 2011, 11:58:25 am
I never thought twice about putting parents names, grandparents names and such when interviewed by the reporter.  And I have to say, I would still do it today.  Just like a wedding announcement lists all the parents, siblings and bridal party, most of the time.  To me, just one of those normal things.  I'm not downing how someone else feels, and if a set of Grandparents asked me not to do it, I wouldn't have...but I wouldn't have thought twice about doing it to begin with.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on February 14, 2011, 12:49:49 pm
Right or wrong the gest of my post was that my daughter does not feel that the grandparents of her child would be interested in seeing a picture of the grandchild in the paper.  Regardless of who or who was not listed as a grandparent. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on February 14, 2011, 12:55:40 pm
I was following FAFE.. and that is a sad statement to have to admit to.  Do they show interest in the baby in other ways.  My own mom doesn't show any real interest in her grandkids.. sad but I've accepted it.. oh but once when at a family gathering and all the cousins were sitting comparing who was a doctor, who was a dentist.. then she did sneak out to call and ask what kind of a plane my kid flies lol.. I hated to burst her bubble but he isn't a Top Gun, Tom Cruise kinda guy. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: yellowpin on March 14, 2011, 03:31:33 am
QuoteSure it may look funky or sad to others but if it works for them, who's to say it is wrong?  I mean, it really doesn't impact you anyway.

I have no idea, but i hope it won't give me large problem.

Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: yellowpin on March 14, 2011, 03:36:15 am
QuoteSure it may look funky or sad to others but if it works for them, who's to say it is wrong?  Ps3 accessories (http://www.egamebiz.com/), Wii accessories (http://www.egamebiz.com/), Xbox 360 accessories (http://www.egamebiz.com/) I mean, it really doesn't impact you anyway.I have no idea, but i hope it won't give me large problem.




i made a mistake.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Nana on March 14, 2011, 02:32:41 pm
Fafe

Hi, yes the gest of your post is the indifference of the other grandparents towards the baby.  It is so sad, but dont worry about it.  You seem very loving and that is a blessing for your daughter and sil.  Good they have you. 

Sending love
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 14, 2011, 05:40:57 pm
Thanks, Nana for your kind words.  Yes, they are missing out.  I am not going to say that they are totally not there for the baby, they have given the parents a good amt of money for formula and diapers, etc., but they are totally not as excited as I am!  I told my DH that I was going to have my SS check sent directly to the baby!  She is 5 months old today!!! 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Nana on March 14, 2011, 06:28:01 pm
So five months....congrats.  And you will enjoy, 6, 7. 8 and so on.  My youngest gd (have 3) will be 2 months on the 19th.  I cannot enjoy her much cause she cries a lot....but I love her with all my heart.  When she is not crying she is a sweetie pie.

Probably their other gp's are not so intense (or passionate) as we are lol.
Love
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: L on March 16, 2011, 11:44:04 am
That was a really sweet thing you did.  But I wouldn't mention anything about his parents any more.  It might make the SIL feel worse.  Obviously there is big time family dysfunction there.  It may hurt him even though you are trying to help.  Maybe he wants to cut ties with his mom, you never know.   I'm sure he is grateful you will love this new baby with all your heart since his mom doesn't seem to have much of a heart. :(    Congrats on your new grandbaby! :)
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 16, 2011, 11:58:49 am
Oh, no, SIL loves his family.  They are just polar opposites from us.  I have 4 sisters, 2 brothers and a multiple nieces and nephews, plus the grand ones now.  We have always had big family get to gethers, etc.  His mom and dad are very low keyed.  He has 2 brothers and their relationships are wacky! DD and SIL have been married for 14 years and (his parents) have never come to anything we have invited them to.  They have never invited us to anything except for the dedication of GD when she was born.  They had it at the church they attend.  They're always cordial, but just not like us!  I have asked my DD and SIL, now that they have the baby to please not have two birthday parties, etc.  Have one, invite anyone who's interested in coming and call it a day. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: L on March 16, 2011, 12:41:20 pm
Oh, that's good his parents are not to bad, just not super-friendly.  I didn't read past your initial post.  Sound like you are going to have a BLAST with the baby!  The happiest times of my life were when my kids were babies!  Isn't it GREAT?!!  :)   You are a good mother and grandmother.  Just remember though...if his parents are a bit strange and not comfortable with big crowds....they may rather do a small b'day party at their house with just SIL, your DD and baby so don't be offended if they don't attend the "big" birthday celebration with your side of family.  But of course always invite them.   My mother-in-law was a little strange and she was uneasy around people and she was sweet but she just preferred being in her own home and us visiting her with our son. Good luck!
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 16, 2011, 01:03:47 pm
L, thanks for the nice words.  My biggg family does not live close by so it would be a small group for B'day parties.  I just don't want baby to think that she cannot have fun with both sets of grandparents at the same time.  Oldest grandson's other gparents are in Japan so we don't see them very much.  He calls them his old grandparents and us the young ones.  Yeah, young when you have just received your Medicare card!!!
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: luise.volta on March 16, 2011, 02:31:22 pm
People who just got their first Medicare card are not dry behind the ears yet.  I have had one for over two decades!  ;D
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 16, 2011, 04:08:42 pm
Funny, Luise!  So, I'm one of the new kids on the block? 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: L on March 16, 2011, 04:14:06 pm
I would feel the same way of course and most would....wanting both sets of grandparents there, BUT if his parents aren't going to want to, hey look at it this way..She will have TWO parties!!  haha.  That's great fun for a kid too.  More cake!   I'm sure it will work out..maybe the SIL parents will come around.  BUT  I wouldn't ever say anything else since you already said something about it.  Let your daughter and SIL figure it out and you just be supportive whatever they decide about their daughter's parties.  ;)   Meanwhile have fun buying all those precious little girl baby dresses and clothes!  I envy you!  My brother had a boy recently and I'm thrilled of course, but I love the adorable girly stuff.  Boy clothes are cute too though!  :)       
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 16, 2011, 05:04:57 pm
I think I may have posted this before, but I think I am just going to have my SS check sent directly to her!!!!  OMG, I cannot walk by those cute clothes.  I have even gotten stuff for next Christmas and Valentines!  Got some great deals. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 16, 2011, 08:20:53 pm
Sounds like fun times with the new baby...don't forget our lessons here of, being sure to not hurt feelings here by becoming overly exuberant.  I have to ask the million dollar question.. are you buying a crib for your house as well :) 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pen on March 16, 2011, 08:38:15 pm
Laurie, I was kind of thinking the same thing - take it nice and slow, FAFE....nice and slow.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: luise.volta on March 16, 2011, 09:32:35 pm
Waaaaaaaaay slooooooow. Sending love...
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: lancaster lady on March 17, 2011, 02:17:47 am
After my family trauma , I have eased back on buying every pretty thing in site for my GD.
Plus now I'm knitting for other newborns in my social circle .
Would you believe my future DIL now wonders why I'm not knitting  and buying clothes for GD .
I still give the odd gift when I visit of course but nothing on the scale I used to .
will we ever get a happy medium ??
LOL I also asked about the travel cot for my house for naps when she visits ...her reply was , If you want to ! Is that a yes or a no ??
I haven't bought one needless to say , I might just leave it , as that wasn't a joyous response .
We are now discussing THE wedding , so all good at the moment .
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: FAFE on March 17, 2011, 06:03:37 am
No, I don't have a crib.  But I do have a bassinet that she has grown out of and a bouncy chair.  I do have a pack and play now that she has grown out of the bassinet.  The bassinet was one that daughter was going to use, but since they had to go out of state for the adoption, they purchased a small travel crib.  So, I used it at my house.  GD is the 21st baby that has used it, and her name is printed on the bottom of it, as are all the other babies who used it.  Oh, I also have a high chair. 
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 17, 2011, 06:26:31 am
I am so far behind the times... I was looking at biokleen's bac-out yesterday for organic stains.. and came across some pictures of colorful diapers.. got to looking around and I had no idea they had these snap diapers  http://www.chooseydiapers.com/new.shtml ... kinda cool.. kinda expensive
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: lancaster lady on March 17, 2011, 04:06:02 pm
DIL uses all these eco friendly cloth nappies .
They come in all colours , designs , personalised .
Time consuming , but she reckons nicer on baby's bottom , and earth friendly .
no landfill sites full of disposable nappies , and they are very cute I must say .
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pen on March 17, 2011, 05:40:25 pm
Those diapers are really cool! I remember when I had wee ones using cloth diaper covers that snapped rather than those horrid, steamy plastic pants with the elastic legs. They only came in white back then, but colors would have made diaper changing a joyous event, LOL.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 17, 2011, 08:05:29 pm
LOL.. I forgot about the plastic diaper covers.. I'll admit to it.. I used disposables .. I'm guilty
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pen on March 17, 2011, 08:09:55 pm
Well Laurie, I did too sometimes. Traveling with cloth diapers was a bit tricky. A friend used to let them slosh in soapy water as they drove along...I couldn't quite get into that.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: luise.volta on March 17, 2011, 08:13:05 pm
I was born too soon. No disposable diapers!  :(
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: Pen on March 17, 2011, 08:17:47 pm
Oh yes, I love spring when the snow melts and all the disposable diapers left by snowplayers are suddenly exposed....good times.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: holliberri on March 18, 2011, 10:10:56 am
Quote from: Pen on March 17, 2011, 08:17:47 pm
Oh yes, I love spring when the snow melts and all the disposable diapers left by snowplayers are suddenly exposed....good times.


Pen, what is a snowplayer? I have to ask b/c I'm envisioning people just chaning their child and leaving diapers where ever they want. Gosh, I hope that's not what you mean. Those things (and I do use them) can be toxic to animals if ingested, and if swallowed in large enough of a size can cause a blockage.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 18, 2011, 10:38:02 am
Holli.. I think it's when you take your child's overloaded wet diaper and roll it into a ball and then allow it to freeze.. it's a poor mans hockey puck :)
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: luise.volta on March 18, 2011, 10:54:14 am
Oh, Laurie....yuck!
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 18, 2011, 11:03:36 am
Shhhhhh Luise.. Holli will fall for it.. just watch
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: holliberri on March 18, 2011, 11:12:39 am
I seriously did fall for it. I had to finish my test before I could type. I've been flabbergasted for the past half hour.

Thanks.  :)
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 18, 2011, 11:57:49 am
Hey have you seen OW around.. my dd said that she might be heading for the Dallas area and said that she would gladly transport the girl/rats if OW will take them.. I've gotta find her around here.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: holliberri on March 18, 2011, 12:01:05 pm
I still don't have an answer to my question. What are snowplayers doing with diapers?

LOL. OW hasn't been on since this morning. Isn't her rat male? I'm guessing that might not mix with your girls, or it might mix too well. Not sure which. Ha.
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: LaurieS on March 18, 2011, 12:10:36 pm
You'll have to wait for Pen... I googled it, no luck.. we don't have snow here so it's ok for me not to know.. but you're in the north.. .. ahhh we'll have to wait for Pen
Title: Re: Kinda sad
Post by: holliberri on March 18, 2011, 12:13:46 pm
It's scary, but I did really believe your explanation. How on Earth did you come up with that? LOLOL.