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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 05:03:16 pm

Title: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 05:03:16 pm
So I was thinking about some of the little things in my background and DH's background today.  We certainly had a very different upbringing.  A lot of the stuff his family does, well I mostly think "who does that?"  Some of it is unbelievably weird to me that it is amusing, others....

I posted that we are cut off from the in laws.  Well, neither DH or I have yet to receive an apology or condolences.  After rounds of conversation last month DH had with MIL over her antics and getting no where, he stopped talking to her.  Still no apology, zip, nada, nothing.  So by chance she got to talk to him through a sneak attack (that's another story) and do you think it might be an apology or asking about how we've been or anything remotely compassionate?  Nope, she wants to know when she can celebrate Valentines Day with us.  DH says no, she whines on she has all the presents already.  DH says no, it goes on and on...she ends that she will give presents to him at his work and he can decide whether to give to me or not.

Are you kidding me?  Who does that?  My parents quit with V day when I was a kid.  And all we got was some trinket.  MIL gives us piles of V Day stuff and wants to celebrate with us.  Every year.

She also wants to celebrate our anniversary with us.  I've never heard of people doing that, my parents anniversaries were theirs.  They threw their own parties on milestone anniversaries but otherwise, that's it.  They celebrate on their own.  But every year the in laws try to celebrate with us, we decline.  Then right as we are getting down to having our romantic evening, guess who's calling to wish us happy anniversary?  And talk and talk and talk.  Don't most people leave others alone on their anniversary?

Oh, and lest not forget that she tried to come on our honeymoon with us.  And then FIL called the whole time lol.  Must make presence known.

So, you guys got any Who does that???
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 02, 2011, 05:13:27 pm
I agree, super-weird! I know 12 year-olds that are more mature.  ::)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 05:56:26 pm
Couldn't your husband say ... excuse me Mom but I'm in the middle of having sex with my wife, and then you could do your very best Meg Ryan imitation.

Your husband needs to have security meet his mother and escort her back out of the building.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:14:09 pm
WOW! that is weird,I don't even celebrate valentines with dh let alone grown kids. Sounds like mil still thinks of him as a little boy:)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:17:18 pm
LOL.  No, I don't even want to go there Laurie. 

DH and I don't even celebrate V Day either. 

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 06:18:48 pm
If my boys are home for a visit for anything then yes I'd give them one of their favorite treats and remind them of how much fun we had watching our kids on a sugar high every Feb 14th.   I do tend to pick up cute things because my daughter loves to decorate for each holiday.. but once she is married.. I'll resort to a special treat if she happens to be around.. but to chase my kids down to celebrate with them.. no
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 02, 2011, 06:26:01 pm
I totally know what causes this syndrome! Does MIL watch Martha Stewart? If so, she probably needs an outlet for all the holiday crafts & food she's creating and you're it! I happened to tune in the other day and it was way over the top. Cute, though...

Actually, and I don't want to sound mean here, MIL's behavior is a bit creepy...
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:27:07 pm
Pen I was thinking the same thing...creepy
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 06:28:42 pm
I don't think it's creepy.. but without a doubt unhealthy
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:34:59 pm
extremely unhealthy(CREEPY), I would never wanna go with my ds and dil on their anniv,or them on mine~when my ds had his own apt for 3 months I went their twice,1st time to see it,2nd time to pick up the dog,his gf was sick:) I couldn't imagine wanting to be in your childrens lives,every aspect of it,he lived 4 miles from home:)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 06:38:41 pm
Pam.. your mil is married isn't she?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:40:00 pm
Quote from: Pen on February 02, 2011, 06:26:01 pm
I totally know what causes this syndrome! Does MIL watch Martha Stewart? If so, she probably needs an outlet for all the holiday crafts & food she's creating and you're it! I happened to tune in the other day and it was way over the top. Cute, though...

Actually, and I don't want to sound mean here, MIL's behavior is a bit creepy...


Hmm, I wonder.  She does come up with all this creative stuff.  But she also just buys stuff too.  I wonder, if it is we are the outlet or she just does this to have an excuse.  B/c every time we say no, she says but she already bought it or made it or had an idea.

Yes, it can get creepy.  After seeing me in a bathing suit for the first time she kept asking me about what I eat and going on and on about it.  Asking how I stay so thin (genetics) and it was sort of getting to me.  I couldn't figure out if she was trying to imply that I'm anorexic or what, she was so intrusive about what I eat and when.  So finally I just asked her did she think I looked too skinny?  Why does she keep talking about this? She said no, that I had a fabulous body and that I was proportionate every where and on and on and on and on.  Like I was an object.  I have never felt so objectified -- and by a woman, no less.  And then after that any time I was in a bathing suit or getting dressed for something I would catch her just staring and analyzing.  She still likes to ask my clothing size after being told several times. 

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:43:15 pm
does he have sisters? and is she a widow? if so maybe she's lonely.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:43:40 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2011, 06:38:41 pm
Pam.. your mil is married isn't she?


Yep.  And she has a bunch of kids that are married too.  Not like DH is her only source of entertainment.

That reminds me, any time MIL/FIL go on vacation they first try to strong arm any kid/spouse they can get to come with them to do so.  Then whoever can't go they email and call constantly to check in, to describe every mundane detail of their vacation.  Yikes. 

And when we go on vacation they try the same thing.  First they try to come, then when that doesn't work she'll call and email constantly b/c she's worried. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:44:10 pm
Quote from: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:43:15 pm
does he have sisters? and is she a widow? if so maybe she's lonely.


Yes, multiple ones.  No, not a widow.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 06:49:08 pm
I'd simply not answer emails or the phone.   I recently talked to my son's gf about her figure.. lol.. hope she didn't think I was creepy :)  but she's this tiny thing with tiny feet and eats like a horse.. several times a day.

Is it possible that your mil is longing for something she never had.. a proportional body  :-*

DH is her only son right
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 02, 2011, 06:54:19 pm
Pam,

My MIL does this too, I think it's just being raised two different ways. I find it odd, but she has no idea why I wouldn't want toys and goodies for every holiday. And again, there is a consumer aspect of those holidays; it's pushed, it's a multi-billion dollar business, so she can't be the only one.  It must be quite common...unless you're my SIL?!

Have you tried setting boundaries? If she wants to take you out to celebrate your anniversary-great! But she can do it on a different day...tell her that day is between you and DH. And, maybe you guys should shut the phone off for that day. Make it a tradition; she'll either figure it out or keep calling to leave a voicemail. Either way, you won't get it until the next day.

As for the gifts...they spend a few days in my house and then off to Goodwill. I don't like clutter and I'm a minimalist. DH and I don't even celebrate V-day. It's her money, she can spend it the way she wants. Given that, it's not up to her decide what I choose to do with the gifts.

Also, do you have kids?  We've been phased out of gifts like that so they may go to DD. Which is great b/c I don't feel like she's wasting it on me, but bad b/c now I feel twice as guilty if they disappear.  A lot of the pressure of that stuff was taken off once DD got here.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:55:10 pm
Nope, multiple brothers too. 

Bah, I don't even think my body is all that proportional, I think she was just trying to say something to deflect why she was asking all the time.  And she's not out of shape or anything herself, even after having so many kids, you would never guess how many kids she had.  She looks pretty good.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 06:59:36 pm
Yes, we have kids and yes, we tried boundaries.  We are cut off now, long story.  I actually thought more people would post their "who does that?" stories lol.  I was looking for a laugh, DH came home talking about the V Day stunt she just pulled with him and it made me think of all the who does that crap.  Sometimes it sounds like a game show announcers voice in my head.

Sure, a lot of people buy into the commercialism and stuff.  But guess how many gifts we all get individually for Xmas ;) 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 07:06:29 pm
pam1~ my mil gave me a toilet seat for Christmas,yep thats right:) you know your mil truely hates you when you get that,we bought her house and she never had a chance to install it,so hey wrap it and give it to dil...lol
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 07:08:00 pm
I don't have any odd, who does that stories.. My MIL was so normal..my mom a little off but we never worry about gifts from her, she's pretty tight with a dollar.  I'm thinking.. we are so normal we're almost boring :)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 07:12:40 pm
QuoteWe've been phased out of gifts like that so they may go to DD. Which is great b/c I don't feel like she's wasting it on me, but bad b/c now I feel twice as guilty if they disappear. 


I always had a box for each kid that I kept what I thought were precious items that may mean something to them one day.. but cute little holiday items, I did eventually just pass on to goodwill, or the trash can depending on their value.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 07:19:19 pm
I have a bad confession,well,it's already been told...it's about my ds in military,he knows I did this:) when he was a baby I never bought a baby book,so many years later when I finally did I couldn't remember alot of dates,almost his entire baby book is a lie!! I did save cute special things to,that he did get:b
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 07:21:56 pm
Quote from: penelope on February 02, 2011, 07:06:29 pm
pam1~ my mil gave me a toilet seat for Christmas,yep thats right:) you know your mil truely hates you when you get that,we bought her house and she never had a chance to install it,so hey wrap it and give it to dil...lol


LOL!

I get cleaning supplies every year, without fail.  And the funny part is that she demands xmas lists from each of us.  I got tired of doing it b/c she won't take a couple suggestions, she wants brands, item #s, the store where she can get it at and she will call/email for more and more suggestions.  It's draining and takes the xmas spirit out of it for me.  So we said no, anything you get for us will be lovely.  She berated DH saying that it's not very nice of us and we are ruining her xmas and she wants to get us personal stuff.  Ok....
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 07:26:17 pm
Quote from: pam1 on February 02, 2011, 07:21:56 pm
I get cleaning supplies every year, without fail.  And the funny part is that she demands xmas lists from each of us.  I got tired of doing it b/c she won't take a couple suggestions, she wants brands, item #s, the store where she can get it at and she will call/email for more and more suggestions.  It's draining and takes the xmas spirit out of it for me.  So we said no, anything you get for us will be lovely.  She berated DH saying that it's not very nice of us and we are ruining her xmas and she wants to get us personal stuff.  Ok....


Oh that would have made life so easy...
Store - Cadillac Dealer, Houston Texas
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Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 02, 2011, 07:27:13 pm
SM & DF showed up without warning one Boxing Day and gave us ....wait for it (does anyone say that anymore?)......the bone from their Christmas ham. The bone! No meat, they'd eaten it all with her kids for Christmas dinner.

I'd rather have had a new toilet seat.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 07:27:36 pm
lol..you can clean my toilet seat!! my mil always wanted reciepts,honestly i think she was pocketing the cash:) she was financially sound so there was no need to..she bought bulk balloons once,didn't use 2 of them,tried to return them the girl said no,your mouth may have been on them,she threw a fit in the store over 56 cents,I felt like crawling under a table :b
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:17:32 am
I was forming a response and then saw where you went this more as a humor thing....Oh I'm there.

My first marriage, I had the MIL from hades and she enjoyed tormenting me.  This was one of my "Who does that?" moments.  She would come in my house and contantly berate me about my living room curtains.  Ok, I had a nice set of living room curtains, but she always let me know that I was supposed to change out my curtains every 3 months, with the seasons.  She had a set of curtains for Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter and didn't I know any better?  Well, apparently not because I only took them down every once in a while to wash them and back up!  Curtains are expensive!  But she really did do that at her house and I used to think "Who does that?"  She also had new bedroom comforters, in every bedroom, for every season and I caught flack for having the same ones all the time.

Ok, so maybe some of you will come back and say, "Yeah, that is the proper thing to do", but ummm....I still don't.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 03, 2011, 06:20:31 am
Pooh,

My MIL does that stuff too.

I remember watching Along Came Polly where Ben Stiller is saving all of the decorative pillows in the chest by the window.

Jennifer Aniston is like, "What's the point?"

That simple scene has saved me a ton of money buying things like dishes for a preset table, holiday comforters, decorative pillows, jewelry, multiple scarves. If it's not going to get used, and I just have to move it, I'm not buying it.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:43:52 am
I'm with you Holli.  I hate stuff sitting everywhere that I just have to pick up and dust all the time.  But, I have to do it with this DH because he has huge collections.  They are beautiful and he takes great pride in them, so I keep dusting them....but I hate it.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Mariatobe on February 03, 2011, 06:44:42 am
Pooh, just sounds like you have good common sense.  I don't have the money to change things every season.  It sounds pointless and a waste of money.  No one sees my bedrooms anyways except for my kids and DH. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:47:51 am
Thanks Maria, me neither.  She was always a big "put on a show" person.  She yelled at me a few times because I showed up to events with the same pocketbook I was carrying the week before...Lol.  I know, I know, fashion ediquette is your bag is an accessory, but I buy great bags and carry them for weeks before I change (unless it was a formal event).  I love pocketbooks, I just don't change them out daily.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 06:49:27 am
laurie when my nephew came back fro Iraq he bought a beautiful dark grey caddie sport coupe fully loaded,brought it over to show us,I said to dh I wanna go to Iraq:b Pooh my mil was,well..hhmm I don't even know hot to put it,we had our wedding here,at the time it was her house,I was not allowed to have any part in it,she hung a few paper decorations,I had rented an arch for the yard,and wanted chairs nicely lined,when the music started i got outside no chairs,guest scattered everywhere,she said no to the chairs,she didn't want holes poked in the lawn,so then it drizzled so we grabbed the arch and hauled but inside the house,she insisted it be put in the corner where her dh died,yrs later she guilted dh into buying family home(money pit),when we took ownership she was still here,as her new house wasn't vacated yet,I bought the paneling mansion!! I bought paint and she found out...all hell broke lose,she reemed me up and down,the curtains were so old they were dryrotted to the rods,I had to hide new curtains from her. I think one reason we have open door policy is this will always be the inl home,I love my sil and bil so I don't mind,so when I see my dil doing her stupid what she thinks is sneaky stunts,I think oh my dear you have no clue what a monster mil is...she evn use to tell me how to raise my kids,this coming from the women who let my oldest chew on aqua net hairspray cans when he was a baby:) lol holliberri I'm with you,so much gets sent to goodwill,a few years ago i asked my sons to write a letter about their most fav christmas,and if it had a speial toy they wanted,i was gonna dig out photos to match their letter and have them framed,instead,they wrote letters put them in a beautiful hat box with a candle in the middle surrounded by choc,when i read the letters,they wrote how everyyear I made Christmas magical for them and all our guest,sometimes we had up to 50 ppl over,I cried like baby,my dh got me diamond earrings that year,I took them back,said get them off credit card,those letters was the best gift i could ever get~I'm not a materialistic girl either,I prefer gifts from the heart
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 07:53:35 am
Isn't is kind of funny that we had such horrible MILs, so we try to be the opposite cause we know how all that felt, and yet now we are a horrible MIL in their eyes?  I took everything my devil MIL did to me and swore I would never do those things to my future DILs and I haven't.  She was intrusive into everything, I stay out of everything.  She would drop by every other day and criticize, I have been waiting for an invitation to see their new house since May of last year...Lol.  Everything that felt horrible for my MIL to do to me, I have gone the opposite with my DIL...lot of good that did me!

Oh, the best.  At Christmas, she would buy me pajamas and jogging suits in size 16 and give them to me...every year.  I was a size 5 then....Lol.  She would just smile and say, "I hope it fits."  I would just smile and say, "Oh, it will."  I didn't lie.  I am sure it fit someone that came in to the Goodwill and purchased it.  ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 08:39:21 am
hahaha thats a big dif in size:b my dh is constantly pushing things on ds,things done the way it was when he grew up, we have fought over this,just like this house,I could not imagine guilting my kids into this place,I convinced him 2 yrs after buying it to put it up for sale,i was standing in subway with ys and had an older lady verbally attack me about selling my house,i said calmly,excuse me do i know you,turned out to be one of mil friends who lives down the road,another fight with dh and he pulled house off the market,that was 13 yrs ago,still here...
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 08:42:23 am
Pam- WOW.  Seriously WHO DOES THAT?

The first one that pops into my head (because of course there are several) was early on in my relationship with DH.  We were just dating- probably for about 6 months- and I had just started living at his house to help with bills because his divorce had left him with a big house and all the bills.  So my apartment lease was up and I stayed there to help with bills- so anyway we started living together and trying to sell his house so we could get away from that place.  We get a call from FMIL (not my MIL yet) and she says she just saw a FABULOUS baby furniture set at the secondhand store and just HAD to get it for us! You'd think that we had kids or at least were expecting, right?  No...not at all.  So she bought this crib, dresser, and changing station without talking to us and THEN goes on to say, "oh I don't want my husband to know I bought this...can I have it delivered to your house??"  Like...WHAT?  In hindsight, we should have said, "no," so we didn't encourage this kind of odd behavior, but it was somewhat early on and I still wanted to have a good relationship with them so we ended up getting BABY FURNITURE delivered to the house we lived in that sat in the guest room and collected dust.  I just kept thinking WHO DOES THAT?  We aren't even engaged or planning on having kids!!  Of course, this is the woman who told DH before he met me when he was younger that he didn't have to marry someone or be in love to have a baby.  She told him, "you could have a baby with anyone just to have a baby, and I could help you raise that baby."  Yeahhhhhhh creepy anyone?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 03, 2011, 08:50:42 am
I have an acquaintance who is a 'baby hoarder' - seriously, when anyone has a baby she WANTS it. Very creepy. She finally lucked out and is raising her GC. When this kid gets out of toddlerhood she'll probably try to take over another infant. Yuck.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 08:56:40 am
My MIL would be that woman if she could.  She always tells people her only aspirations in life were/are to be a mother and a grandmother.  She used to always ask us about having kids and she and my DH's aunt started a discussion about who would be the first one to get to hold our child (again...a child that doesn't exist).  She tried to engage in a discussion with us about why we couldn't put our kids in day care and wanted to be able to be a nanny to our unborn, non existant child.  I wanted to tell her yeah, you'll be our nanny when hell freezes over!  I would honestly be scared she'd crack and run away with our kid and not tell us where she was.  She's obsessed.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 03, 2011, 09:04:35 am
Quote from: Pen on February 02, 2011, 07:27:13 pm
SM & DF showed up without warning one Boxing Day and gave us ....wait for it (does anyone say that anymore?)......the bone from their Christmas ham. The bone! No meat, they'd eaten it all with her kids for Christmas dinner.

I'd rather have had a new toilet seat.


Oh.My.Gawd.  A bone.

You guys are cracking me up. 

There was a lady at my work who demanded we tie balloons to her chair on her bday.  I wonder what she was like as a family member.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 09:08:28 am
Quote from: Pen on February 02, 2011, 07:27:13 pm
SM & DF showed up without warning one Boxing Day and gave us ....wait for it (does anyone say that anymore?)......the bone from their Christmas ham. The bone! No meat, they'd eaten it all with her kids for Christmas dinner.

I'd rather have had a new toilet seat.


Did they even explain what they brought you the bone FOR?  To make soup?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 09:11:18 am
This is more of a "who says that," but you guys were talking about figures and bodies and it made me think of the time when my GMIL saw me at a family function and said,  "You look really good.  You looked a little too skinny last time I saw you, but you look better now."  Soooo I look like I gained weight?  Wow, thanks!  Never wearing THAT outfit again!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 09:12:49 am
Holy smoke ow123,that is creepy,I wanna be a gm:) but not to that point,my son left his dog with me this week,I feel trapped!!! lol she sounds a few bricks short of a full load. When my son went into the service a few years ago,with in hours I had his room gutted,cleaned and all his stuff packed away,my oldest came in and said OMG!! mom the body isn't even cold yet!! I said what,he's not living here anymore,they thought I was nuts,I wanted the new guest room cleaned:) my oldest drives OTR,when he took this job,he's only here on weekends,if that,never home..out with friends,I gutted his room,re-painted,looks like Martha Stewart blew up in there..lol I told dh,I'm dropping hints..lol he wants to buy a house so he's home saving money..1 yr,then I say ADIOS!!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 03, 2011, 09:23:08 am
Penelope, my DS was shocked when I turned his bedroom into a workspace after he married. Like it was going to remain some sort of shrine to him?

Oh, I so needed some good laughs. I can face my day now, thanks to you all. You are the best! Have a great day, everyone.

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 09:28:39 am
That's funny penelope!  My parents were the same way- as soon as I went off to college, I didn't have a bedroom anymore!  Well...I mean...it did have a BED...but it wasn't MY room anymore!  DH's mom keeps his room exactly like it was.  I mean seriously.  And it has a lock on the door that you have to have a key to open because she doesn't want anyone messing up his room.  It is truly a shrine!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 09:32:27 am
Ha ha ha...my YS gets an air mattress when he comes home!  Oops.  OW, your MIL is creepy!  Wonder if you could get one of those "real" babies that they give out in High School for a week now and give it to her!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 03, 2011, 09:35:43 am
You should see some of the baby dolls they have out there now.  My dd got 2 dolls for xmas that are insane.  One really poops and pees after you feed it and the other you have to give a shot in the behind if you can't make it all better with the fake medicine.  And they sound like real babies.  It drives me kkkkkkkrazy. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 09:38:07 am
Oh wow!  The most realistic doll I had, was the one with the bottle that looked like it had orange juice in it, and you turned it upside down and it disappeared in the lid....ha ha ha...I loved that doll.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 10:03:43 am
lol..heck yeah,I'm not gonna make a shrine,the beds still there,when you come home to visit you have a bed,but the smell of teen butt is gone,along with your junk!!! don't sometimes you long for the old days,the orange baby bottle was a huge thing:) I sometimes would like my phone to still be attached to the wall with a cord:) we haven't had a land line for years,things seemed simple back then,even tho my upbringing was a nightmare,seemed simple:)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 03, 2011, 10:09:41 am
Truth?  I remember the talking into part of the phone being held in one hand and the listening part being held in the other hand...and my mom saying to the the operator..."Hi, Mable...would you get me Sue?"
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 10:14:30 am
awww~ don't you miss that:) to me simple is heaven~less is more~everything now is so hi-tech,I had to get a new cell phone last night,the guy asked what do you plan on doing with it? ummm call people:b I couldn't get over how much phones do,I said give me the basic....lol
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 03, 2011, 12:00:41 pm
Ha, the good thing about reading all these posts is thinking about what a great MIL I am to my son and his wife.  We never go to their house unless we're invited.  (Of course, we weren't invited for the first year and a half they were married, while her parents went there to dinner every month, but that's another story.)  If they need help, we're there.  If they need a baby sitter, we're there.  We've given them gift certificates to their favorite restaurants, theater gift certificates and stuff they well and truly do use (bottles of good wine, etc.) - no toilet seats!!  Now I feel pretty darn good about me and the hubby!   :D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 03, 2011, 12:10:41 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:17:32 am
My first marriage, I had the MIL from hades and she enjoyed tormenting me.  This was one of my "Who does that?" moments. 


You should have whipped out the snake, right then and there.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 03, 2011, 12:12:35 pm
Beautiful validation, ST.

And I am split on the high tech stuff. If I didn't have this computer, I wouldn't have your guys in my life and I can't imagine that...even though it's been less than two years. I like MP3 streaming music from my computer as opposed to using my iPod and deck...and burning CDs for in my car is OK. But...at 83, it's no walk in the park!

Shopping for a new cell phone was funny. Verizon found me one without a camera! (But it took a lot of research.)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 12:21:28 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 03, 2011, 12:10:41 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:17:32 am
My first marriage, I had the MIL from hades and she enjoyed tormenting me.  This was one of my "Who does that?" moments. 


You should have whipped out the snake, right then and there.


Ha ha ha...I'll give you one guess what my biggest phobia is?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 03, 2011, 12:22:18 pm
Quote from: pam1 on February 03, 2011, 09:35:43 am
You should see some of the baby dolls they have out there now.  My dd got 2 dolls for xmas that are insane.  One really poops and pees after you feed it and the other you have to give a shot in the behind if you can't make it all better with the fake medicine.  And they sound like real babies.  It drives me kkkkkkkrazy.

Now it could be just one of those nasty rumors and thank goodness we can do our own research now days.. but rumor had it that those 'baby alive' dolls which was how they were being marketed years ago would eventually get maggots in them from the 'food' stuff... just passing along what could be total misinformation.

I had one of those dolls with the disappearing fluid bottles too.. great fun.. I still don't know how they did that
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 12:53:31 pm
luise,good point,I never thought of it when I was using my computer:) the box said my phone has mp3,I haven't a clue how to get music on it,my ys put music on my little clip on ipod,I've had the same music for 3 years!! I keep asking him to put new on:) Pooh,I'm affraid to ask
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 01:09:52 pm
I know this has kind of moved to a different topic but I keep thinking of "who does that" moments!  DH and I had only been dating a month or two and it was my first time to his mom's house.  We went over there for dinner.  At the end of the night, she randomly asked him how his IBS was and if he was having diarrhea.  Right in front of me.  He was 26 at the time.  He got this look on his face and was like, "mom.."  She's like, "what, I just assumed you had talked about your IBS..."  No we hadn't, but even if we had...WHY would you bring that up?

Interestingly enough, ever since we stopped communication with the ILs, his IBS has magically gone away!  Funny how that happened!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 01:16:51 pm
Oh thats bad OW! How embarrassing...although I am guilty of showing my Son's girlfriends over the years, bathtub pics of them when they were babies!  Both boys used to yell, "MOM!"  I would just look at them and say, "Remember all the times you embarrassed me growing up? Pay back."  ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 01:21:35 pm
Haha, Pooh, I think bathtub pictures are cute because..well...we all know what their body parts are.  And you should be granted some payback- it's only fair, right?  ;) You get a free pass on that one! Now, questions about diarrhea..... should be reserved for one-on-one conversations, IF they are even brought up at all! 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 01:24:18 pm
You are definately right.  It wasn't like I followed that with, "Sooo, do they still look like that?"   ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 01:25:08 pm
Quote from: penelope on February 03, 2011, 12:53:31 pm
Pooh,I'm affraid to ask


Snakes, like not normal fear...but freeze in place, go in to shock fear
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 03, 2011, 01:37:22 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 01:24:18 pm
You are definately right.  It wasn't like I followed that with, "Sooo, do they still look like that?"   ;D


;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 03, 2011, 03:40:51 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 03, 2011, 12:22:18 pm
Quote from: pam1 on February 03, 2011, 09:35:43 am
You should see some of the baby dolls they have out there now.  My dd got 2 dolls for xmas that are insane.  One really poops and pees after you feed it and the other you have to give a shot in the behind if you can't make it all better with the fake medicine.  And they sound like real babies.  It drives me kkkkkkkrazy.

Now it could be just one of those nasty rumors and thank goodness we can do our own research now days.. but rumor had it that those 'baby alive' dolls which was how they were being marketed years ago would eventually get maggots in them from the 'food' stuff... just passing along what could be total misinformation.

I had one of those dolls with the disappearing fluid bottles too.. great fun.. I still don't know how they did that


That is disgusting.   I have a feeling that doll is going to go missing soon.

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 03, 2011, 03:52:54 pm
Maybe the new and modern poo'ing dolls don't have that problem
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 03, 2011, 05:07:28 pm
My mother wouldn't let me have a Betsy-Wetsy doll because it was uncouth.  :'(

Another thought..then when I had my own kids, I realized she was right!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 05:26:03 pm
laurie,there's a first for me,never heard of whip out the snake,living in a house full of guys,I would never think to say that!! haha I have never pointed out my ds bowel habits,but I have been known to whip out photo albums,the kids get a big kick out of it. This is gross,but my oldest ds will ,I'm not sure the proper word to use,flacuate on his gf,and it's not uncommon to hear it at the table,I will say c'mon stop,dh will laugh and rate it
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 03, 2011, 07:48:25 pm
It's your table and you are in charge of who you invite to it. IMHO: that's enabling disrespect.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 03, 2011, 10:25:08 pm
Quote from: penelope on February 03, 2011, 05:26:03 pm
laurie,there's a first for me,never heard of whip out the snake,living in a house full of guys

LOL I think you misinterpreted what I was saying to Pooh.. If you read Pooh's topic "The Stong Women In My Life" which is under the category of Success  Stories you'll see where the snake comes into play.  And it was all totally innocent no matter how vulgar it sounded here... Thanks  Pooh.. you got me into trouble again :)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 06:51:58 am
Don't be all a-blaming me....you get yourself in trouble just fine without MY help!   :P
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 04, 2011, 07:00:23 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 01:25:08 pm
Quote from: penelope on February 03, 2011, 12:53:31 pm
Pooh,I'm affraid to ask


Snakes, like not normal fear...but freeze in place, go in to shock fear


I'm right there with you, Pooh.  Can't even look at a pic or see one on tv without breaking into a cold sweat. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 04, 2011, 11:55:52 am
While taking my shower, I realized I have my own "Who Does That??" story.  My brother & sister-in-law gave us some really nice towels for Christmas.  When I was opening the box, she said, "You know, I just couldn't remember what colors you had in the bathroom."  The comment led me to believe that I was getting towels in white, black or beige.  Imagine my shock when I finally got the box opened and the towels were purple.  Seriously??  You don't know what color scheme I have going, but you figure PURPLE will work?  (Note, it doesn't.)  I could tell all sorts of stories about her, while she's very nice, she truly has the thinking mentality of a gnat.

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 11:59:15 am
Oh wow...purple?  Because THAT is a common bathroom color!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 12:04:16 pm
I'll be cleaning my purple bathroom tonight by the way.  ;D

Care to send them my way?

Haha. Not my choice! I bought the house as is. Blue tile, purple walls and pink tub.

I should take a photo.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 04, 2011, 12:11:57 pm
Quote from: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 12:04:16 pm
I'll be cleaning my purple bathroom tonight by the way.  ;D

Care to send them my way?

Haha. Not my choice! I bought the house as is. Blue tile, purple walls and pink tub.

I should take a photo.


Pink tub!  I like!  ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 04, 2011, 12:12:14 pm
Pooh, yeah, exactly!  I have nothing in my house that's purple.  They gave my parents a king blanket.  The folks have a queen bed.  Have always had a queen bed - for decades.  SIL invited us over for Christmas dinner.  She put food on the stove and then took off.  We had no clue where she was, half the food burned because she didn't tell us to watch it, or that she was leaving, or whatever.  (They live on a farm, turns out she ran out to feed the horses, great timing, eh?) 

She's always complaining that no one will tell her all the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. in the family (she's a second wife, but she's been married to my brother for about 15 years).  Evidently she's incapable of writing anything down.  So I made a calendar for her, with lots of family photos and ALL the dates.  Months later, guess what?  She's complaining to me that she didn't know it was mom & dad's anniversary.  I asked her where the calendar was and she said, "Oh, I put it in my desk drawer."  I replied that I made it so that she could hang it up, enjoy the photos and that every month she would know what was coming up.  I was furious and said, "Don't ever tell me that you don't know a date and I promise I will never spend my time making anything for you again."  Thus far, we're sticking to the deal.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 04, 2011, 12:13:58 pm
holliberri, maybe she was at your house and got confused!! 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 12:15:24 pm
I was JUST reading through your post about the king size quilt and the calendar (that sounds like SUCH a good idea by the way...I'll have to figure out what absent-minded family needs that).

At first I thought...classic regifter...but now I'm thinking she's just scatter brained? Too funny.

So yes, maybe she was in my house. Only purple bathroom I've seen in 27 years!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 12:19:57 pm
Wow.  I like blue.  I like purple.  I like pink.  But....
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 12:20:57 pm
I'm taking a photo this weekend! That's it!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 04, 2011, 12:23:17 pm
I've never seen purple either. 

I have hot pink :)  LOL, its ridiculous but I love it.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Scoop on February 04, 2011, 12:30:35 pm
Hey-hey-hey!  Whoa now!  Don't be saying anything against a king size quilt!  THAT'S CROSSING THE LINE!

See, it's actually one of my secrets to marital bliss - king sized blankets on a queen sized bed.  Then, there's no fighting over the blankets!  Small annoyance, easily solved!  With a king sized blanket, we can have the blankets go OVER DH, under the dog and OVER me.  And it gets rid of that annoying "tent" that happens between you when you're both lying on your sides facing away from each other.

So yeah, you guys can laugh all you want about the blue, purple and pink bathroom, but step away from the king sized blankets!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 12:35:04 pm
Ha ha ha....ANNOYING TENT!  Never knew that was the name of that!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: seasage on February 04, 2011, 12:37:42 pm
Snakes have never been a particular fear of mine --- until last week.  I read about a house in Idaho that is infested with snakes.  Hundreds.  At least hundreds.  The house is being sold (again) for $109K.  That's a discount of $66K.  It seems that the original owner had the house built on land where there was a snake den. 

I learned from reading web articles (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/01/22/us-snakes-idUSTRE70L05F20110122 & http://www.mizozo.com/weird/01/2011/23/idaho-snake-house-for-sale-at-109-000.html), that snakes coat their dens with pheromones so they can find their way back home for breeding each year.  The house has become an extension of the original snake den, and most likely no one will ever rid it of snakes.

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 12:45:19 pm
ARRRRGGGG!!!  Now I have the creepy crawlies!  And can you imagine, since that is known...what kind of person would buy it?  I know...I know....one of my relatives (Beat you to it Laurie!)  :P
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 12:49:26 pm
Seasage...I'm not going to sleep tonight. Eeek.

They'll never leave? Major heebie-jeebies!!

LOL.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 04, 2011, 12:50:28 pm
Ohhh that just made me cringe and I can't stop everytime I think about it!!!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 01:05:55 pm
Wasn't there some kind of movie a few years back about a town having a snake problem?  And it was traced back to a house or cave or something? (This is what happens when you get old.)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 04, 2011, 03:34:27 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 01:05:55 pm
Wasn't there some kind of movie a few years back about a town having a snake problem?  And it was traced back to a house or cave or something? (This is what happens when you get old.)

I think that was a movie about spiders Pooh...  you guys have the snake fame
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 04, 2011, 03:35:27 pm
Holli and Pam.. are those older houses with the wild color themes? 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 03:51:26 pm
1950. The tile is gray blue...it's pretty by itself. The pink tub though...I don't know how that happened...
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 04, 2011, 04:01:04 pm
did you ever break open a etch-a-sketch? 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 04, 2011, 04:02:26 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 04, 2011, 01:05:55 pm
Wasn't there some kind of movie a few years back about a town having a snake problem?  And it was traced back to a house or cave or something? (This is what happens when you get old.)


I watched "Snakes on a Plane."  Does that count?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 04, 2011, 04:33:11 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 04, 2011, 03:35:27 pm
Holli and Pam.. are those older houses with the wild color themes?


Yes, mine is an older house.  Have to ask DH when he gets home the year it was built.

The bathroom and DD's room are the only wild colors lol.  I did an hollywood glamour type bathroom with lots of old black and whites of actresses like Greta Garbo.  The rest of the house is pretty minimalistic, pretty much like Jeff Lewis on Flipping Out. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 04, 2011, 04:38:53 pm
Courtney, I hope you feel better soon. I'm having a yuck day too. It helps to laugh, but if you continue to spit hot tea on your keyboard I'm going to have to say something. Here I am on WWU, minding my own business, when ***fffssshhhh**** here comes some hot liquid out of my computer, right into my face!

Hang in there, C. We're with you.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 04, 2011, 04:51:55 pm
I can't read what you wrote, Pen. The print seems to be running....
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 04, 2011, 07:08:08 pm
I'm not much of a pink girl either but the original tile (is that what it is called lol) in the shower was pepto pink.  And then I had an idea and just ran with it.  You'd like Courtney -- have to figure out how to post a picture.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 04, 2011, 07:49:14 pm
We bought a house once that had pink walls, pink carpeting and yes, pink appliances! LOL!

What's inside an Etch-s-Sketch, Laurie? Little gremlins running around?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 04, 2011, 07:52:54 pm
Quote from: holliberri on February 04, 2011, 03:51:26 pm
1950. The tile is gray blue...it's pretty by itself. The pink tub though...I don't know how that happened...

That's whats known as a good  sale going on.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 04, 2011, 07:55:06 pm
Actually yes I did break one open once.. we thought it was mercury and played and played  in the stuff.. good thing it wasn't... not sure what they did use hmmmm.  But I figured if she took apart a doll's baby bottle to see how it works, the etch-a-sketch was next.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 04, 2011, 08:03:51 pm
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pen on February 04, 2011, 09:22:08 pm
Quote from: luise.volta on February 04, 2011, 07:49:14 pm
We bought a house once that had pink walls, pink carpeting and yes, pink appliances! LOL!


YOU bought Jayne Mansfield's house???
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 05, 2011, 08:19:04 am
Naw....just a cheap imitation...
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 05, 2011, 09:39:57 am
Quote from: luise.volta on February 04, 2011, 07:49:14 pm
We bought a house once that had pink walls, pink carpeting and yes, pink appliances! LOL!


When we were looking for a house to buy, we saw a house that had bright red carpet in one bedroom, purple shag carpet in another, a bathroom that had dark brown tile ALL over - walls, shower, etc.  (it was like a black cave walking in) and the coup de grĂ¢ce?  The kitchen.  The cabinets were painted lime green, the doors of the cabinets were bright orange.  The appliances, of course, were avocado green.  To quote the subject line, "Who does that????"  We passed on that little gem.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 05, 2011, 01:04:30 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention that the kitchen cabinets were pink, too! We bought it because it had 180 degree view of Puget Sound and we knew we could eventually un-pink it!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: stilltryen on February 05, 2011, 01:38:58 pm
Oh duh, if red carpet/purple shag/dark brown tile/orange & lime green cabinets with avocado appliances had had a view of Puget Sound, I'd plunked the down payment so fast the poor realtor would have gotten whiplash!  Can't blame you for the pink house at all.  The view would have been worth every Pepto-Bismol moment!!!    ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 05, 2011, 04:45:33 pm
They couldn't sell it and didn't know why. We traded is for a house we had in CA that we couldn't sell. Talk about miracles! (We both thought we got away with murder...the polite term is win/win.)  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 06:50:59 am
Just thought I'd update -- MIL did as she promised and brought our V Day gifts to DH's work!  LOL
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 16, 2011, 07:17:59 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 06:50:59 am
Just thought I'd update -- MIL did as she promised and brought our V Day gifts to DH's work!  LOL

You know she is true to her word.. right or wrong she will carry through.. this is the kind of person that if she ever made a threat  I'd take her at her word and not even entertain the possibility that she is bluffing
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 07:21:17 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 16, 2011, 07:17:59 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 06:50:59 am
Just thought I'd update -- MIL did as she promised and brought our V Day gifts to DH's work!  LOL

You know she is true to her word.. right or wrong she will carry through.. this is the kind of person that if she ever made a threat  I'd take her at her word and not even entertain the possibility that she is bluffing


Yeah, I know.  DH and I have been talking about what to do in different scenarios and getting prepared for it now.  I think the worst will be if we are able to have a child somehow. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 16, 2011, 08:08:44 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 07:21:17 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 16, 2011, 07:17:59 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 06:50:59 am
Just thought I'd update -- MIL did as she promised and brought our V Day gifts to DH's work!  LOL

You know she is true to her word.. right or wrong she will carry through.. this is the kind of person that if she ever made a threat  I'd take her at her word and not even entertain the possibility that she is bluffing


Yeah, I know.  DH and I have been talking about what to do in different scenarios and getting prepared for it now.  I think the worst will be if we are able to have a child somehow.

And you know it doesn't have to be that way.. that's the saddest part.  I don't think my kids would be half the person they became if it had not been for the positive influences of their grandparents.. even my parents who didn't really have a lot to do with the kids were not negative.. It maybe taught them that someone can love you even if they are not in your daily life.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 16, 2011, 10:03:26 am
Laurie, that's what I hear from my GKs. I wasn't very visible in their childhoods but they found me "warm and interesting" and still treat me with affection now that they are grown and parents themselves. Not the stereotype, but not a thorn in their sides, either. Kind of an "Auntie Mame" gramma. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 11:54:40 am
I don't think my DD or any future children should be exposed to them.  It is always about gifts and who gives them the most and it is heavily pressured for DD to pick a side to love the most by the in laws.  MIL actually questioned DD over xmas about a new toy sent from her other set and stomped off about it.  She's also attempted to come between DD and I when I was consoling her on numerous occasions. It's really screwy and even if we get to a point where we can talk about a far distance relationship (which I don't think MIL would even let happen, give an inch, take a mile) I doubt that MIL could continually be respectful of me or DH in her pursuit of winning the grandkids. 

The only thing I think MIL gets out of her gk's is the added bonus for attention.  She gets attention for every new baby, at their bday parties, buying all those gifts at xmas she gets to tell all the clerks what she does for her kids/gk's.  It's all about attention and it's all the time.

If they can't be nice to the parents, I doubt they have good intentions towards the gk's.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 16, 2011, 12:03:14 pm
Yes Luise.. warm and interesting that is how I want to be known :)

Pam you're right... not every woman is out there to be a good mother or grandmother.  I often wonder what drives people to that point, it has to be based on their own insecurities at least in part, would you think?  Insecure people tend to come out of left field and try swooping in to grab what they think is a crumb of attention, while playing the victim of every situation.  You almost have to pity the insecure women and I think they would receive pity if they weren't so darn dangerous.  When you lose the ability to demand attention at every gathering, it seems that some of these women began to try doing underhanded things to bring it back around to themselves.  Not the situation, not the child, but it's all about them.. what do you do with these types of people.. here we have an ignore button, shame you can't have one in your real life.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 16, 2011, 12:21:57 pm
Oh, I'm going to hang ;) on to that one...an imaginary "Ignore" button! Yes!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 12:36:03 pm
I did feel bad for her -- for a long time too!  Otherwise, she would have never gotten away with 75% of the stunts she pulled.  I went along with things just to appease her and felt bad for this poor lady who no one paid attention to yadda yadda yadda.  But it's never enough.  Whatever you give to her once, she expects more the next time.  Attention (good or bad) is almost like a drug to her, she will really do anything to get it.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: GreatWhiteNorth on February 16, 2011, 12:41:40 pm
I wish I read this sooner, yours do this too? are you kidding me?

Oh yeah, I thought it was so odd each year to get invited to celebrate MIL and FILs anniversary with them, can they not celebrate this by themselves? what are we one big married group or something?

I fully expected MIL to try and tag along on our honey moon, it is the whole reason we eloped. I didn't know any other way to have an intimate marriage with my DH without MILs interference. She can't interfere if she is not aware of it.

I had nightmares for weeks about MIL showing up at our honey moon suite, with a big surprize (as she tells us in my dream with a big toothless grin) that "surprize" *carrying her cot that she is going to set up right between DH and I* she is going to stay in our room with us! Then I imagined me sitting on the beach ALONE while DH and MIL are galavanting as if THEY are the married couple.

This was a dream, it did not happen in real life- but this is how this enmeshment that you speak of effects me personally.

The other dream- it was me and DH on a wedding cake, but wait- on the other side is another bride taking his other arm- bet you can guess who it is. But the bride on the other arm is having a childlike tantrum screaming " I want....I want...I want"

So yours do this too? I have never met another person that can relate to this....

Oh and did I mention what the big concern was when DH bought me my engagement ring (this is not a dream). The concern was "but MIL does not have one from FIL" MIL was trying to get DH to buy her a diamond ring too.....I am not even kidding.

And Yes I still married him after this- I had no idea how bad it would be- I thought it was harmless, that his mother was just a bit strange- I even thought it was somewhat heroic to care so much about ones mother- after all how one treats their mother they will treat the bride (ever hear that statement?)

I had no idea what an issue this would end up being.....no idea........if I knew then what I know now!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 12:46:38 pm
Yes, GWN she does lol.

She did try to come on our honeymoon with us and I don't think I ever told the full story here.  Anyway, she bought the tickets and booked the villa right beside us and gleefully told us lol.  So initially DH tried reasoning with her and all she could say was that people on their honeymoon don't come out of their room so everything should be ok!

We quietly switched our honeymoon plans and went somewhere else.  It still didn't stop her from calling!  lol oh I got stories for days.  My therapist (take this with a grain of salt since I pay her lmao) since I should try my hand at stand up comedy with some of this stuff.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: GreatWhiteNorth on February 16, 2011, 12:55:35 pm
We had a second wedding in June, a remarriage and MIL only knew of that one.

She literally put crocodile tears in her eyes and said to DH in a dramatic sort of way that "he did not even include his own mother in his wedding plans" before she dramatically drove away.

Who does that?

So MIL wanted to ensure she got ample attention at my wedding? so should I have consulted her with what dress I wanted, where I wanted to have the venue, what my party favours would be?

And MIL does not think that would be just a little bit weird....I would not even think to include her in all these things, it was my wedding not hers. (second remarriage- thankfully since we were already secretly married, none of MILs antics ruined our real wedding- it was come and gone before she even got the chance)

Oh and did I tell you what she sat down to talk to me about just after the wedding. She presented me with an old old book on fertility cycles and started to explain to me how to get pregnant- after scolding me several times for not wearing slippers on concrete- don't ya know- this is how your ovaries get cold. lol.

Who does that?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 01:02:04 pm
Well, I'm sure glad I have a slipper fetish.  LOL, that is one of the funniest things I've heard ALL week.

Oh boy, our wedding was going to be a freak show if she had her way.  She actually already had it planned out for us, down to the location, cake, our wedding attire...yeah.

So we finally got it straight that we weren't doing all of that, she then had to decorate everything.  and I mean everything had bows super glued to it, fake sparkly type things.  Basically all the wedding stuff was bedazzled lol

So, then I decided to keep the exact location a secret b/c really it was so naturally beautiful we didn't need bows and glitter....she went BONKERS.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 16, 2011, 01:20:37 pm

Do you guys remember the member (we have over 2,000 now, so her name slips my mind)...who had to hire a bouncer for her wedding in case her MIL crashed it? And she did! Most of us agreed with her, as I recall. Desperate situations sometimes call for desperate measures. A honeymoon for three? Well, I had that. We took my dog!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 01:26:29 pm
No, I must have missed her story!  I'm going to try and find the thread.

Oh and for my previous post since we can't edit, I don't mean to insult the glitter and bow crowd, it's just not my cup of tea.  And it's especially hilarious b/c anyone who knows me knows that so to fight over bows and strings in regards to my wedding was especially funny
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 16, 2011, 01:38:26 pm
I like glitter and bows but like most things...I think it needs to be selective. Like I got a Valentine that was so gross that I just love it!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 08:57:26 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 01:02:04 pm

So we finally got it straight that we weren't doing all of that, she then had to decorate everything.  and I mean everything had bows super glued to it, fake sparkly type things.  Basically all the wedding stuff was bedazzled lol

Ahhh the bedazzler.. now that is one toy that I always said hmmm that looks kinda cool... haven't a clue what I'd ever want bedazzled.. but now that we may have a wedding coming up:)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 17, 2011, 09:15:29 am
I hate to admit it, but I like sparkle - sparkle - twink- twink. Not on me, I can't wear earrings or a necklace without looking like a Christmas tree...but on love-stuff I have no taste at all. :-[
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 09:37:23 am
Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 12:46:38 pm
Yes, GWN she does lol.

She did try to come on our honeymoon with us and I don't think I ever told the full story here.  Anyway, she bought the tickets and booked the villa right beside us and gleefully told us lol.  So initially DH tried reasoning with her and all she could say was that people on their honeymoon don't come out of their room so everything should be ok!

We quietly switched our honeymoon plans and went somewhere else.  It still didn't stop her from calling!  lol oh I got stories for days.  My therapist (take this with a grain of salt since I pay her lmao) since I should try my hand at stand up comedy with some of this stuff.


WOW PAM!!!!! My MIL did the same thing! FIL's family lives on the west coast, we live on the east coast. So, since they couldn't come out to the wedding, they wanted to let us use one of their cabins in Yosemite for our Honeymoon. Just wanted us to come over for dinner one night so they could meet me.

Well, we had everything set up when they send us a letter that it would be better for us not to come and that we shouldn't tell people where we are going. We were shocked and sad. So we called wanting to know what changed. Well? MIL tried to book the cabin next door. They told her no. So, everything is good right? WRONG! SIL/MIL tag team combo demon squad that they are, then "booked" a vaca for the whole family as a b-day gift for FIL right after our wedding.

We cancelled our honeymoon. Then the demon squad never went out. Ugh!

My MIL also gave a V-day gifts. I think it is weird and gross. Although not as bad as the KY gel she left in our bedroom for our wedding night. Really? Don't think that is crossing some kind of line, MIL? Ewwwwwwww! lol

Our first wedding anniversary hasn't rolled around yet, so I am hoping she doesn't give us any grief. But every year we have to go to DH's Grandparents anniversary party. Every year? Isn't that a bit much? Why not 25, 50, 60, 70, 75? Why Every year?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 10:00:42 am
So why go if you are not interested in celebrating their anniversary?  You do have choices and it's well within your ability to politely decline an invitation... will there be fall out? probably.. but if this is a decision that you and your dh made together then it's your decision to make. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 10:28:21 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 10:00:42 am
So why go if you are not interested in celebrating their anniversary?  You do have choices and it's well within your ability to politely decline an invitation... will there be fall out? probably.. but if this is a decision that you and your dh made together then it's your decision to make.


But why does it have to be a fall out just because we don't want to go to one of the family get togethers? It is like DH's family doesn't know how to love unconditionally. If you don't show up. BAM! you aren't "in" the family anymore. At least until they need to borrow your truck or something, then everythings great.

We got into such trouble last year when his Aunt's house caught on fire. His aunt lives 2.5 hours away AND we already had stuff going on so we didn't go. Yes, we feel bad that this happened to them, but what good would it really do for us to go see the burned house?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 10:30:52 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 10:28:21 am
But why does it have to be a fall out just because we don't want to go to one of the family get togethers? It is like DH's family doesn't know how to love unconditionally. If you don't show up. BAM! you aren't "in" the family anymore.


Fall out isn't comfortable, is it? It seems easier to avoid fall out altogether and suck it up and fit it in. Yet, when you do that, the other edge of the sword comes across b/c you feel like you're caving on your needs while they get their way. It doesn't make for an easy situation.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 10:38:10 am
There shouldn't be fall-out and it is wrong for anyone to get upset if you choose not to attend an event.  But I also have done plenty of the sucking it up and going to things, when I would rather be doing something else.  And I could give you many reasons why I chose to do that instead of doing what I wanted. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 10:44:26 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 10:38:10 am
  And I could give you many reasons why I chose to do that instead of doing what I wanted.


World peace? lol
It is funny because even when we "suck it up" and go, MIL still complains over something. Usually that DH and I tend to only talk to 3 of his cousins. They are the only ones our age. The rest are between 7-12 years younger. They do their thing and we do ours. Likewise the Aunts and Uncles do their thing. I am the type who speaks when spoken to in crowded situations.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 10:45:19 am
I think you'd have to weigh it out.. if sitting in pj's till 3 in the afternoon instead of attending a family event was the decision.. I think it would be easy. 

With our family events, or any event we try to gage the importance... there are somethings that only come once in life, and I'll do anything in my power to make it work.. but if I'm extending a invitation to one of my kids we usually discuss how important this should or doesn't have to be.  I try to be realistic and always it's there option in the end.. fallout.. sometimes I guess but isn't there always a reaction to every decision?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 10:46:53 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 10:44:26 am
I am the type who speaks when spoken to in crowded situations.

;D take your laptop and type out messages.. you don't seem to have any problem speaking with this crowd.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 10:48:48 am
HaHa! That is funny Laurie, I wonder if that would work?
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 10:56:01 am
Could it be Adil, that anything your mil now says to you is just going to get on that last exposed nerve?  There are people who when you feel like they've pushed you far enough, now can say good morning and it's met with contempt and loathing, you wish they'd just shut that god given pie hole once and for all.

A lot of this might just be how you're perceiving what is being said.. not everything may be intended as a way to find fault
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 10:56:17 am
I think we all do a lot of sucking it up for events. I'm an introvert...most events require a certain amount of sucking it up for me. I'd rather be home, and after constant activity, I need to be at home. I just think 10 day vacations to Madrid with family sound like ticking time bombs, and I think that weekly Sunday dinners under duress are a bit much. I feel like I spend a lot of time avoiding any and all fall out.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:03:32 am
I don't like having people dictate when I'm going to be some place and who I'm going to spend it with.. maybe that is why I've never played that game with my kids..  ok I did once a year make them go to dinner on Christmas Eve with this little old man who I use to help out.. he was so generous with my family that if this made his holiday, by god my kids would know how darn good it felt to give back.. but I also made them go to the dentist.. now as adults if their teeth fall out of their mouths I'll say something but it's entirely their responsibility and they will live with the consequences.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 10:56:01 am
A lot of this might just be how you're perceiving what is being said.. not everything may be intended as a way to find fault


As usual, you are right. I know that I have so much pent up resentment for her so anything she says that is even slightly negative I tend to take more personally. In actuality, since the new year she has been much better.  :) But we still don't see eye to eye on most things. Since she is such a formidable woman, I do my best to "avoid" talking to her so there won't be any potential arguments.

Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. You'd think I sacrificed her firstborn in some kind of devil worship! She laid in to me for that one. It was then that I realized the only thing "private" in the family was the thoughts that I didn't verbalize lol

I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:10:23 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 am
Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol


My MIL already bought the lot out behind her house for us. Send your MIL over to her place. They can commune together.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:10:41 am
Ha ha.  Let's see, I suck it up and go because sometimes, even though I don't want to, it's the right thing to do.  Because my presence at some things, makes someone else feel special and thought of.  Ummm...because I thought it was important for family to have interaction with my kids, even though I didn't want to go and interact with them.  Ummm....because it makes my Mother and MIL feel that I know family is important and loved. 

But I think Laurie said it right.  I don't want to be dictated to, or suffer consequences from my family.  They don't put me in that position, I put myself there because I know I should be there and would feel guilty if I missed an important event in mine or DH's family's lives.

And I am referring to special events, reunions and holidays.  Not every Sunday dinners like Holli is expected to attend.  And I wouldn't feel guilty if I truly had something important come up that I needed to do on the same day.  It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:11:40 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 am
It was then that I realized the only thing "private" in the family was the thoughts that I didn't verbalize

I found that to be a very true statement with family and friends.. and now the internet.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:12:13 am
Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:10:23 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 am
Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol


My MIL already bought the lot out behind her house for us. Send your MIL over to her place. They can commune together.


Oh geesh you two!  The only way I could manage that is if we were growing the shrooms.  You poor things.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:13:44 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:10:41 am
It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.

And that right there is exactly how I managed to survive the dreaded Skype session about culling the birthday guest list.

Perspective. I just needed a different one.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:14:21 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:12:13 am
Oh geesh you two!  The only way I could manage that is if we were growing the shrooms.  You poor things.


:D ahhh careful Pooh.. showing your age  ;)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:19:27 am
I may be showing my age, but the funniest thing I ever saw happened the other day.  They have been holding a festival near us for 10 years that is a mini woodstock (No Laurie, I haven't been).  It's a huge thing now and there are many drug arrests made during this thing.  I saw the line up for this year, and I about fell out of the chair laughing.  They have tons of bands lined up, but the headline read...."Eminem and Loretta Lynn to play this year!"  Ok, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's called Bonnaroo if anyone wants to get their hippie on this summer......Laurie?  ROTFL
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:20:07 am
That's not an age thing, in fact, it's still the teenage thing to do down there in Georgia! MIL won't even touch wine though, so I'm guessing that's not the kind of commune she wanted to have.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:20:32 am
I think it really is the dictating that is the issue. Most of the time we don't have any plans and go, but any little thing sets them off. We missed his brother's b-day last year. (I felt bad because DH said it was his 16, it wasn't it was his 15th so we will make it this year.) The whole family knew the reason, but they still had a fit about it. The reason? My grandfather passed away and that was when his funeral was. The main culprit was actually SIL. I really wanted to look at her and say "I'm sorry my grandfather didn't die at a more convenient time for you!" But I didn't lol I held my tongue.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:21:00 am
Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:13:44 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:10:41 am
It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.

And that right there is exactly how I managed to survive the dreaded Skype session about culling the birthday guest list.

Perspective. I just needed a different one.


And finding a different perspective was the hardest thing I ever had to do with my evil MIL, because even though I changed my perspective, she didn't change. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:22:26 am
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:20:32 am
I think it really is the dictating that is the issue. Most of the time we don't have any plans and go, but any little thing sets them off. We missed his brother's b-day last year. (I felt bad because DH said it was his 16, it wasn't it was his 15th so we will make it this year.) The whole family knew the reason, but they still had a fit about it. The reason? My grandfather passed away and that was when his funeral was. The main culprit was actually SIL. I really wanted to look at her and say "I'm sorry my grandfather didn't die at a more convenient time for you!" But I didn't lol I held my tongue.


Your a better person than I am, I would have said it!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:26:06 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:19:27 am
I may be showing my age, but the funniest thing I ever saw happened the other day.  They have been holding a festival near us for 10 years that is a mini woodstock (No Laurie, I haven't been).  It's a huge thing now and there are many drug arrests made during this thing.  I saw the line up for this year, and I about fell out of the chair laughing.  They have tons of bands lined up, but the headline read...."Eminem and Loretta Lynn to play this year!"  Ok, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's called Bonnaroo if anyone wants to get their hippie on this summer......Laurie?  ROTFL

I wouldn't mind getting my hippie on again, but Loretta Lynn.. really, I was FORCED to  listen to her growing up.. I did like how Sissy Spastic portrayed her in Coalminers Daughter..I'm afraid that she could pass out on the smoke fumes there.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:27:58 am
Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:20:07 am
That's not an age thing, in fact, it's still the teenage thing to do down there in Georgia! MIL won't even touch wine though, so I'm guessing that's not the kind of commune she wanted to have.

If I had a commune everyone would wear moo-moos and walk with a dazed look while holding a cup of starbucks
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:29:32 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 11:27:58 am
If I had a commune everyone would wear moo-moos and walk with a dazed look while holding a cup of starbucks


I wish you had one, I would've moved right in while I was pregnant. Decaf white mocha and moo-moos were survival for me.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:30:46 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 11:26:06 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:19:27 am
I may be showing my age, but the funniest thing I ever saw happened the other day.  They have been holding a festival near us for 10 years that is a mini woodstock (No Laurie, I haven't been).  It's a huge thing now and there are many drug arrests made during this thing.  I saw the line up for this year, and I about fell out of the chair laughing.  They have tons of bands lined up, but the headline read...."Eminem and Loretta Lynn to play this year!"  Ok, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's called Bonnaroo if anyone wants to get their hippie on this summer......Laurie?  ROTFL

I wouldn't mind getting my hippie on again, but Loretta Lynn.. really, I was FORCED to  listen to her growing up.. I did like how Sissy Spastic portrayed her in Coalminers Daughter..I'm afraid that she could pass out on the smoke fumes there.


Seriously...if you diss Loretta Lynn...I'm blocking you...she's my hero.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:32:10 am
lol.. she may be your hero but she is pure country.. hey her sister just performed down the street from us.. I didn't go because no one else knew who she was
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:35:28 am
and I wasn't dissing her.. but what is she now 89 and I'll bet she still has the black wig... the one who I think appears ageless is Dolly Parton.. I caught a scene with her and Sandra Bullock last night in Miss Congeniality II.. and Sandra tackles her thinking she was a fake Dolly, and starts poking her in the lady lumps.. I didn't watch the movie but that glad I caught that scene
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:38:15 am
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 11:35:28 am
and I wasn't dissing her.. but what is she now 89 and I'll bet she still has the black wig... the one who I think appears ageless is Dolly Parton.. I caught a scene with her and Sandra Bullock last night in Miss Congeniality II.. and Sandra tackles her thinking she was a fake Dolly, and starts poking her in the lady lumps.. I didn't watch the movie but that glad I caught that scene


I saw Loretta Lynn in Nashville last year...still has that wig.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:42:07 am
I love Dolly too (and that movie).  I am not a country music fan of anything recent, but I love the original ladies.  I think it was forever Laurie before I knew Crystal Gayle was her sister.

I'm jealous Holli.  My DH has promised to take me to Butcher Holler this summer!  Lol.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:44:35 am
she could at least tone it down some and add a few strands of gray.. but then she could look like Cruela

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:45:14 am
Butcher Holler? Please explain.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:47:00 am
Have you ever seen the movie they made about her?  Coal Miner's daughter?  Butcher Holler is where she grew up.  An old coal town with nothing around.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 11:47:55 am
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:47:00 am
Have you ever seen the movie they made about her?  Coal Miner's daughter?  Butcher Holler is where she grew up.  An old coal town with nothing around.

In Kentucky
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:52:15 am
I've seen the movie, several times, but I wouldn't remember that. I'm terrible at remembering movies.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:57:50 am
Well in the movie, where she grew up, they show a bunch of it at the beginning centered around her house in Butcher Holler.  Her brother runs the local store there still, and we found out for $5 dollars, he will take you up to the old house and let you see it in person.  I have read her book, and I love her life story, so I want to go.  Lol.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 12:00:16 pm
In support of Pooh.. I think I'll have to watch that again.

Oh I watched conviction last night with Hilary Swank.. you'd really have to like her to watch it but It thought it was pretty good so those who now have netflix  you can put that on your list ... it was based on a true story.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 12:01:05 pm
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:57:50 am
Well in the movie, where she grew up, they show a bunch of it at the beginning centered around her house in Butcher Holler.  Her brother runs the local store there still, and we found out for $5 dollars, he will take you up to the old house and let you see it in person.  I have read her book, and I love her life story, so I want to go.  Lol.

I'd take 20.00 inflation you know
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 12:02:44 pm
I will actually probably give him more than the $5 just for doing it.  I like Hilary Swank so I will have to watch it.  I want to see the one out now with Anistan and Sandler.  Me and DH have plans to see it this weekend.  Looks funny.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 17, 2011, 01:21:14 pm
Quote from: GreatWhiteNorth on February 16, 2011, 12:41:40 pm
I wish I read this sooner, yours do this too? are you kidding me?

Oh yeah, I thought it was so odd each year to get invited to celebrate MIL and FILs anniversary with them, can they not celebrate this by themselves? what are we one big married group or something?



Honestly, when you're dealing with enmeshed families...yes.  They do feel like you are all one big married group.  You don't start a new family with your spouse, you guys are just an extension of them.  That's how my ILs are exactly.  My GMIL and GFIL celebrated their 50th anniversary this past year (no we did not attend because we were not communicating at all) and of course they all bombarded us with the plans and invitations.  It was an entire weekend celebration (which is fine, obviously 50 is a big milestone), but they all stayed at this hotel down the road for the weekend in adjoining rooms.  Friday night they all got together, then Saturday they all met for breakfast, did everything during the day together, then all spent the night in adjoining rooms at a hotel (this hotel was 10 minutes away from everyone's houses) with a big family sleepover, and then all had to have breakfast together.  To me, that was a little much.  If you want to have events throughout the weekend, cool, but the family slumber party was really necessary?  Don't people want privacy?  And the worst part about it is that they all complain about being in debt...soooo was that hotel and ridiculous restaurant really necessary?  Well, it is to them because how much money you spend on one another is EVERYTHING in that family.

Everything is everyone's business, they have a "right" to anything that's yours- kids, pets, house, anything.  My MIL got a new puppy and GMIL asked if we had seen the new addition to their family.  I asked jokingly if the puppy was community property (so it was really only funny to me) and she said "well yes, it's the family dog."  She didn't even get my sarcasm because it was so natural to her that if her grown 45 year old daughter got a puppy, it clearly was everyone's puppy.  You're all married into one big family- not allowed to ever be separate entities.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: overwhelmed123 on February 17, 2011, 01:23:11 pm
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on February 17, 2011, 01:21:14 pm
Quote from: GreatWhiteNorth on February 16, 2011, 12:41:40 pm
I wish I read this sooner, yours do this too? are you kidding me?

Oh yeah, I thought it was so odd each year to get invited to celebrate MIL and FILs anniversary with them, can they not celebrate this by themselves? what are we one big married group or something?



Honestly, when you're dealing with enmeshed families...yes.  They do feel like you are all one big married group.  You don't start a new family with your spouse, you guys are just an extension of them.  That's how my ILs are exactly.  My GMIL and GFIL celebrated their 50th anniversary this past year (no we did not attend because we were not communicating at all) and of course they all bombarded us with the plans and invitations.  It was an entire weekend celebration (which is fine, obviously 50 is a big milestone), but they all stayed at this hotel down the road for the weekend in adjoining rooms.  Friday night they all got together, then Saturday they all met for breakfast, did everything during the day together, then all spent the night in adjoining rooms at a hotel (this hotel was 10 minutes away from everyone's houses) with a big family sleepover, and then all had to have breakfast together.  To me, that was a little much.  If you want to have events throughout the weekend, cool, but the family slumber party was really necessary?  Don't people want privacy?  And the worst part about it is that they all complain about being in debt...soooo was that hotel and ridiculous restaurant really necessary?  Well, it is to them because how much money you spend on one another is EVERYTHING in that family.

Everything is everyone's business, they have a "right" to anything that's yours- kids, pets, house, your time, anything.  My MIL got a new puppy and GMIL asked if we had seen the new addition to their family.  I asked jokingly if the puppy was community property (so it was really only funny to me) and she said "well yes, it's the family dog."  She didn't even get my sarcasm because it was so natural to her that if her grown 45 year old daughter got a puppy, it clearly was everyone's puppy.  You're all married into one big family- not allowed to ever be separate entities.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 01:24:14 pm
That's kinda creepy... in a Twilight Zone kinda way. Do-do-Do-do-Do-do-Do-do......
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 17, 2011, 01:28:23 pm
Yeah, I was just thinking today that they do nothing by themselves.  Seriously.

Get a car?  People have to come with you to inspect it and ride too.  If you didn't get a chance to do that, come over that night to get a ride.  And if you got a car and didn't ask anyone to come with nor inform them the day you got it....but but but "why didn't you call us?!? we would have loved to come!"  And they get bent out of shape. 

One time MIL asked me if I wanted her to go with me to a routine vet appointment.  I asked why?  And she said to support me.  Ok.....

And vacations, no one is allowed to vacation alone or with just their spouse.  And MIL/FIL don't either.  We get the daily check in phone calls and emails. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 01:46:19 pm
Yes but you only get the daily check ups if you answer the phone and say hello.

Maybe I'm a better Mom and MIL then I thought, because I don't do any of those things.  I mean if I'm lucky enough to go buy a new car.. I want it to be my baby to smell.   If dil lived closer and I had some errands to run.. I could see asking if she wanted to go along... instead of asking why, wouldn't it be better just to say, oh no that doesn't fit into my day today, but thanks for asking.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 01:49:48 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 01:46:19 pm
Maybe I'm a better Mom and MIL then I thought, because I don't do any of those things. 


Instead of asking why, wouldn't it be better just to say, oh no that doesn't fit into my day today, but thanks for asking.


First, can I adopt you? lol

Second, I think if my MIL asked me to go with her to a vet appointment I wouldn't be able to stop the "Why?" from coming out of my mouth lol
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 17, 2011, 01:51:33 pm
Yeah, you haven't been around an enmeshed family very much Laurie.  The best thing about a new car is the attention!  Duh

If you don't answer the phone on the 3rd try, they will escalate from calling the hotel to track you down.  Because they are worried.  Or even if you are home, they start doing drive bys. 

I was shocked when she said she would go to the vet appt with me, it would never occur to me to turn her down gently, I figured she had some motive to go, like pick up a special food or new toenail clipper....hence the why
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 02:32:29 pm
No I guess I haven't.... my dd her bf and I have a system worked out.. if they are busy and I call.. don't answer.. we'll touch base later.. if it's important I'll call twice within a minute.    LOL I did not long ago call my dd's apt complex and asked if they would do a well check.. but it was only because she said I'm going to be sick and will call you right back.. 3 hours later still no call.. no answer... I probably shouldn't have done it I did.. lol.. I'll admit it... I feel so enmeshed (which I had never heard that word before coming here)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 02:34:00 pm
My dil and her family seem to move more as a herd of cattle then as a family... maybe that is where I'm having such a problem
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 03:24:22 pm
Enmeshed? I never heard of it, can someone describe the clinical symptoms?

I just got a phone call from my mom. My brother is moving in July...so, he picked out 70 houses to look at in one weekend. Turns out his ILs are coming along (sisters and husbands and his MIL and FIL), to look at all those houses.

I really wasn't sure why my mom was telling me this...but then she said, "Get on the phone with your father and tell him to get down there for that weekend." I told her I wasn't doing that, and she got a little upset. I asked her why...and she said, "I trust your brother to make the right decision on his own; I don't trust him to make the right decision when he's with his ILs.  If your dad is down there he can talk some sense into your brother. If no one will let him and his wife make the decision on their own, we might as well be involved too."

Yikes. I'm still not calling my dad.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 03:40:01 pm
Sad statement when you feel like you have to counter punch the other side of the family to even the playing field.  I pity the realtor
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 03:44:41 pm
I was surprised...my mom has never said anything about his ILs to me. I know she's a little jealous of them, but generally she has always liked to give us our space. She must be feeling protective for some reason; she doesn't want to be there so she can make his decision for him, she just doesn't want anyone else making the decision for him either. I'm eager to talk to her a little more about this, but I better wait, else I'd just be adding fuel to the fire.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 03:53:55 pm
Yes.. rational parents know when to let their kids live an independent life.. when the 'other' side of the family doesn't see it that way, is when you do start to feel protective.  I understand fully where your mother is on this one.. it would be one thing if they were just going along for the ride.. but they will either have their own strong opinion, or they will automatically love whatever their daughter likes.. thus adding weight to her opinion.

My parents came up 2 years ago while we were house hunting.. Mom said she just wanted to get to see some of the nice homes in our area.. I loved house hunting so letting her and dad come along would have no bearing on our decision.. OMG what a pain in the butt that was.. Mom and Dad would venture off.. the realtor couldn't keep up with everyone heading different directions.  Mom loved one house so much that she came up with reasons all the other ones were not a good choice for us.  We ended up spending to much time in each house yacking then looking and absorbing.  I sure hope that your  bro will just pick out a handful that they want to look at again.. without her parents.. and send that realtor a bottle of wine.. she'll have earned it
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 04:05:29 pm
If I know my brother, he's probably already got that taken care of. But, I'm not calling him to ask...I'm staying as far from this one as possible. He's always been good at diversion (he is a Marine, after all), so I'm sure he's probably thinking along your lines. Mom's just too worried for him though.

MIL quit her job to help us come and househunt; just called us out of the blue and said her boss wouldn't give her off so she quit so she could help us househunt. We politely turned her down, but they still came up for one day...FIL was rude to the realtor, kept checking the paper to find cheap houses (that were in really bad areas), and then had us drive up and down the streets just to "find" some houses. It was, "Well, these houses are expensive, but if you keep driving down this street, maybe you'll find cheaper houses..." then, "Well, these houses aren't nice at all, butif you keep driving down this street, maybe you'll find nicer houses." They forgot that I lived here nearly all my life and knew exactly where we should be looking. 

My GPs got involved too (my G-Pa was friends with the realtor)...so he went behind my back and started calling her suggesting houses (down the street from him) to look at, and suggesting price ranges we should be looking in.

Never. Again.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 04:49:07 pm
Do you ever look around and ask yourself how you ever got yourself into this mess... lol.. your dh was probably hoping that you'd save him from all the insanity.

You mil quit her job.. that is unbelievable.. one good thing.. you'll never repeat their mistakes
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 17, 2011, 05:18:13 pm
Yeah, my family says nothing to their kids...even when they probably should.  It's sink or swim time once you hit 18.  And don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love that's how they are, we are all self sufficient adults and when we get together it's because we want too, not b/c someone is forcing us.  Tons of fun.

Anyway,  that's when I knew it was bad when they started saying they found some houses for sale in another city and open jobs in both of our career fields. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 05:56:48 pm
Pam.. I wouldn't be against creating some space if it would help you get back to enjoying life.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 06:34:06 pm
Laurie,

I do wonder....but I'm not asking.  ;)

Pam, seriously, coffee. If I as into Skype we could just have home brew over that. But, I'm not into Skype.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 17, 2011, 07:22:16 pm
I wish I could remember where and when...but I recall hearing Dolly say: "Let me tell you, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap!"  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 07:27:25 pm
Yeah Luise I could just hear her saying that.. they say she is quite a character.. do you remember when Barbara Walters asked if her breast were real and she offered to let Barbara touch and tell... She's been quite an icon in the country western world... just like Pooh's Loretta
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 17, 2011, 07:35:08 pm
I also remember her referring to the price of her "!ndustrial strength bras!"
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 17, 2011, 07:50:14 pm
Yep she's a funny one
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: AnonymousDIL on February 18, 2011, 06:00:59 am
Oh, Laurie! I must say it is a good thing I am not your daughter or you would have my apt. complex on speed dial! LOL I am horrible with the phone. Most of the time I leave my phone in my purse or it is on vibrate or Both! lol And I don't get peoples messages until hours later, if not the next morning. lol I know I should be better with it, but it just doesn't happen lol
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 18, 2011, 06:30:00 am
My dd usually calls at certain times of the day... unless her bf is up there with her she always calls before bed.. she's been doing that since her first day at college..  and she has her phone like embedded in her hand, it's truly her lifeline, she also receives calls almost daily about  work schedules etc.  It was the fact that she said oh I'm going to be sick..  and we had just finished with some rounds of pretty invasive test that it alarmed me and then nothing, that startled me.  But she was fine, and all was well.. and a lesson learned.

Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: pam1 on February 18, 2011, 07:04:02 am
Holli, good I'm glad you're not into Skype, I'm not sure I could handle that again lol!  I do go by your home state every once in a while so maybe some day :)

Laurie, I guess I'm kind of torn, I really like where we live.  But I also like other places too.  And then I wonder the problems would still be there, they would just change.  House guests all the time, expected to give up all our vacation etc.  And plus both DH and I are at points in our careers were it doesn't make much sense to go anywhere, all my clients are here.  DH has a firm position.  I dunno, it's just another thing.
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: LaurieS on February 18, 2011, 07:12:00 am
If you think they'd just follow you, then I see no other choice but to remain removed and distant.

Because of yours and all the other wacky mil's I called mine yesterday and said.. hey let's do lunch next week.... if nothing else my mil will benefit from this site :)
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 18, 2011, 08:51:39 am
Good for you!  ;D
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: elsieshaye on February 18, 2011, 03:10:29 pm
Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 10:45:19 am
I think you'd have to weigh it out.. if sitting in pj's till 3 in the afternoon instead of attending a family event was the decision.. I think it would be easy.


PJ's all the way!!
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: elsieshaye on February 18, 2011, 03:23:26 pm
Quote from: pam1 on February 17, 2011, 01:28:23 pm
One time MIL asked me if I wanted her to go with me to a routine vet appointment.  I asked why?  And she said to support me.  Ok.....


I have a friend like this.  She can't stand to be alone - ever - so she assumes the same is true of me, and takes it as rejection if I don't ask her to be my shadow.  For my part, it's really important to me to be independent and not make people responsible for helping me deal with my every emotion, so it doesn't even occur to me to call her at midnight if I'm anxious and sleepless.  I write in my paper journal, or meditate or whatever helps right then.  But if I mention I had trouble sleeping "oh, why didn't you call me?!"  I guess, too, that she (correctly) interprets things like that to mean that I wouldn't be happy if she called ME at midnight if she were anxious, and that this is really the part that upsets her.  I think it makes her feel like she can't fully depend on me.  And I can't imagine depending on another adult that you're not actually married to in that way. 
Title: Re: Who does that????
Post by: luise.volta on February 18, 2011, 07:31:01 pm
Dependency is a red flag to me.