I am very upset because I believe that I have been a good parent with no complications. No boyfriends, 2nd husbands and no abuse issues; yet my adult children hate me. They are abusive (verbally), neglectful and do not encourage any interaction with my grandchildren. It is a destructive situation and I am having trouble living my life with this issue haunting me.
I have brought this up with therapists and they pretty much say "oh well, move on."
Yes, it seems that there is more to this story. Yeah, they are not very emotionally stable though are leading a "normal productive life". It is not my fault that they have problems why do I have to carry the blame? Also whenever I interact with then they are abusive so totally mean, so can I just bow out? I feel that I have to be available for whatever they have to dish out.
Welcome to wisewomenunite, cgrbuffalo! Sounds like there is some stuff going on for you, huh? Is there more to the story? Why would they just decide to hate you? What happened? Why are they this way? Do you have any ideas where it stems from?
I am not sure why anyone needs to carry the blame--that's not too productive, is it? I would try to speak to them to find out what is going on. But you don't have to take what they "dish out". No. Be true to yourself first. Set limits. There shouldn't be pain associated with trying to be with people you love. Doesn't make sense. I would NOT allow anyone to abuse me. Ever.
Only you can decide what type of relationship you will have with them and perhaps you could let them know. If that fails, you tried. You did your best. They have made the choice to be cruel to you. You don't have to be around to take it, though. I hope everything works out for you.
Most of us have tried to stay 'available' but/and have eventually found that there is life beyond parenting abusive adults. We have to get past "I deserve better" because even though it is true...knowing that doesn't help much. We did our best. It's not so much an "Oh, well.." as it is - do we want to be right or do we want to be happy? Sending love...