I am trying to get this in my head and in my heart. Son, DIL and grankids are coming to town for an event with the kids.
We were told (I am trying to be positive because at least we know they are coming!....good, huh?)
I am telling myself, "I know they are coming and we have been invited to go see the event. I am not going to get my heart broken because they are not coming by here or staying here."
I feel like this is a victory for me. I am 16 years into this and focusing on the positives.
The DIL has nearly killed me. I accept that but how I am from now on is up to me. Is that right, Luise?
It's so hard!
Of course it's hard. Bless your heart. And you're right, you are in charge of your actions and reactions. They don't run you unless you set it up that way...you run them.
That doesn't mean you don't yearn for peace and equality and compassion and relaxed, family fun. You do. And it doesn't mean you don't deserve them. You do.
I honestly have come to believe that "having things be how they are" is the hardest lesson if life. When we ace that sucker, we're home free!
And it is possible to do that. My teacher is my husband, who has it down pat. He is the most peaceful and vertically connected person I have ever met. For most of my life I thought the best we could do was fake it. Seriously. Then I met and married him and found myself confronted by a magna cum laude college grad who was so peaceful and centered I found him intimidating! :D
I'm not there yet...but I'm moving in the right direction. So are you!! Blessings, Luise
Isn't it wonderful...how you hold yourself back? LOL!
Hey, you got through it! Good for you! Name calling doesn't work for me but it's a way to blow off steam. I can imagine that the phone calls drove you nuts...they would me. I would silently want to stomp the cell phone to death. :D
I am sort of gearing up emotionally for Memorial Day because at my age I have more family and friends who have passed than I do ones who are still around. I want to do a little ritual and honor all of them and still keep my cool. None of them are war veterans but to me it is kind of a generic day of remembrance. Here's the "close" list...three sons counting the babies I lost and my 52 year-old who passed in 2000, my best friend who died just a week ago, two sisters and two brothers in law, my mom and dad, my mother in law and father in law and yet another brother in law and sister in law and a whole passel of pets.
You're right, P. The name-calling in your head and written down is a great way to express without defeating your own purpose by pouring fuel on the fire. I would guess that survival is your purpose. It must be awful to be able to see so clearly what is going on. Sometimes being very bright can be a liability. I am touched by the humor that you still evidence even after 16 years. There is light and beauty in you.
Thank you for your comments about my Memorial Day ritual. I can step out of my little 660 sq. ft. unit and immediately find myself in deep forest where the evergreens are well over 100 ft. tall and 100s of years old. I'm often the only one on the path that winds down to the water all the while looking out over Puget Sound through the trees. My simple ritual will be remembering those who have come and gone in my life who have made such an impact on me.
To see what I see on my walk, go to: http://www.warmbeach.org/ The picture at the top of the page was actually taken from where I live.
To P. and All: The mountains in that picture are the Olympic Range and the land on the other side of our salt water bay is Camano Island. We both lived there before we married 20 years ago. Now that my husband is almost 98, I take him on drives out there often and we reminisce. (Wow! Either I actually spelled that word right or my spell-check just broke!) ;D
Yes, humor can be an wonderful expression of happiness. Of course there are other varieties; like dark humor, sarcastic humor and many other kinds of humor where a barb or negativity can be effectively (or ineffectively) masked but I am whimsical by nature and have a steak of mischief that is still alive and well. ;D And is there any lovelier sound than hearing our adult children laugh? I don't think so! Blessings, Luise