WiseWomenUnite.com

Hello wise women. I am new here but am looking for some mental relief before I go out of my mind with grief. A few years ago my son hooked up with a beautiful girl from an affluent family. Both parents own their own companies, all highly educated etc. In any case us lowly hard working mostly blue collar family members have never felt very comfortable around her. She is EXTREMELY private and my son has become even more so since they got together. Over the 6-7 years they have been seeing each other there have been some bad ups and downs with them. A little back ground on the girlfriend. She is very smart, graduated with a double degree in microbiology and physical anthropology. Works for her mother in a financial setting. She wants us to have absolutely no contact with her parents. She has some medical problems that have to be monitored. 3 years ago they bought a house together and 2 years ago gave my son a beautiful daughter. That is when the real problems started. We did not find out until the girlfriend was 6 months pregnant. They told no one due to her medical problems and the possibility she could lose the baby. She is not interested in getting married. In any case most of the major problems have been my fault. My husband and I were asked to tell no one about the forth coming baby. Not a peep. I being the bad mom that I am, let it slip one evening when one of my friends, who happens to also be a friend of my sons, was staying at my house. She actually guessed, I just confirmed it. She had promised not to say a word but that promise was broken. In any case the ensuing fallout was bad. My son literally ripped me a new heart. Since the baby was born I have probably seen her ten times, maybe less. Last year when they came to our house around Christmas I wanted to take her over to see my neighbors. They also have grandchildren. The girlfriend said absolutely not, like they were ax murderers or something. They are two of the nicest people on the planet and we have lived next door to them for 12 years. Ok, my next transgression. I was not supposed to put the granddaughter on any social media. I had one weak day and posted the cutest video of her playing with the tissue paper on her 1st birthday. Of course I got caught. Now I can no longer take or have any pictures. My husband has just about had it and I feel like no matter if I apologize or not it will not really be accepted. I have apologized in the past only to have it come up repeatedly and pushed in my face. Part of the thing that kills me inside is that my son owns this attitude with the girlfriend and is now treating me like some kind of criminal. Not once has my son ever brought the kid over without the girlfriend there to monitor what happens. I have been told I can't be trusted and even accused of possible future transgressions that I have not even committed yet but could possibly commit. Guilty before the crime. What is killing me is that my once sweet, loving son is turning into a controlling nasty person. He is turning into the girlfriend. My daughter in law who happens to be a teacher thinks it is all about control. She thinks the girlfriend is a special kind of crazy. My husband is beginning to think they both need therapy. In the meantime my heart is breaking. I rarely see my son and I can't see my granddaughter. The son & girlfriend say we need to heal from all my terrible transgressions and apologize, which I have. But you see the apologies are not really accepted and I can't be trusted and I have never been allowed to watch her. MY husband and I are planning to retire in the next 3 years. To keep my sanity I have asked that we move out of state. I will miss my other grandchildren terribly but I need space away from the controlling girlfriend and away from a granddaughter I can't see. I keep telling myself that I would be better off far away from the drama.