Luise, are you okay?
No, I'm not OK. I'm dealing with my hubby changing quite rapidly and I'm trying to adjust and create fail-safe protocols that I have to change almost daily.
Yesterday was his 98th birthday and for me it was a disaster. My son and his wife put on a lovely meal at the place they're staying and I couldn't socialize at all because my guy wanted to sit in the sun and eat salty appetizers which would have brought on yet another disastrous dehydration episode. It just goes on and on. He asked my grandson if they were married yet and we went to their wedding two years ago. When we got back home, hubby wanted to know why we didn't eat. Everyone understands, but...
I know he can't help it and I know I don't have to be the perfect care taker but I am sad and weary...overcome by aloneness. They all care deeply but they can't move in and take over. Most of them live quite far away and have busy lives and my son and his wife leave to go back home to Hawaii in ten days after being here all summer.
I'm not moving him into Assisted Care. I want to give him as much comfort and love as I can, for as long as I can. And it's not always this hard...
Luise I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were going through this. Did your hubby just start having memory and health problems once he fell a few weeks ago?
You live in a retirement home right? Is assisted care like a nursing home or is just the next step from a independent living situation, like an assisting living facility?
I know what you must be going through is so hard, especially when their minds begin going. I know my mom and uncle are going through the same thing right now. They've debated sending my aunt to a nursing home but they just can't do it. My uncle says he'll take care of her as long as he can. The last time I spoke to my mom she was headed out to their house to clean up my aunt because she pooped her pants again for the umpteenth time. So please know that you are not the only one going through hard times. I will add your situation to my prayer list. Lots of hugs to you!
Oh Luise!!!
I kind of thought something was going on! So sorry.....I can't imagine how hard and lonely and weary this must be. We're here in case you need us.....just on the other side of the web line, not far away really.
Thinking of you.... :)
Oh, luise..... so sorry for this :( I trust you are asking for all the help you can, and taking care of your needs. I wish I knew better what to say :'(
(((((luise)))))
Thanks to one and all. I really appreciate the support. Assisted Care and Assisted Living are the same thing. They are for people who aren't incontinent and don't have to be under lock and key to keep them from wandering off. I do it here at home because my deep love for him motivates me to hang in there. I manage his dressing, bathing, food intake, hearing aids and dental bridges upkeep and a million other small things he no longer has a clue about.
Our non-profit retirement center has over 250 residents, so we all know what everyone is up against and we help each other out. We have large and small apartments, a boarding wing, an assisted care unit and an 81-bed nursing facility...as well as a large HUD housing section for low income seniors. Go to: htpp://www.warmbeach.org (There's a picture of me on the Home Page.) We have super-active retirees who volunteer their heads off and a funereal nearly every week and everything in between.
I still feel alone because they are out there, just like my family and friends are, and I am in here. It's just the way it is and I do belong to a campus Care Giver's Support Group.
Getting him to, through and back home from his birthday celebration was a huge challenge. No more off-site events! (We live in only 600 sq. ft., so how can we ever have them here?) He is so frail and the house where the party was held was all steps up and steps down. For me it was a nightmare instead of a chance to socialize.
His memory has been going for a long time...but it is rapidly getting worse and the TV remote, phone and answering machine and all such things are now beyond his reach. He has no dementia...just acute memory loss. That allows us to continue conversing in a way that makes sense with the exception that he can't remember what he just said or what I just said.
He still walks our ancient Chihuahua and makes it back home...but I think it may be the dog that knows the way.
I guess I'm just tired...and discouraged. It comes and goes and I'll be back on top, soon.
Luise,
My thoughts and prayers are with you! :)
Luise I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope your support system is helpful to you. God Bless.
In a way what I am going through is a knot-hole and in other ways it's a privilege. I don't want it to end, of course, no matter how hard it is. Talk about a Catch 22!
I went to Curves today...that made me feel better. And I adore our Forum-family! :)
It wouldn't be any good without you, Luise. I'm glad you got out and went to Curves today. You need that......You always have something positive to make out of our messes and we appreciate it. Some of our messes take huge amounts of brain power and energy to find anything positive to say! So thank you and keep going!
Well, it's a two-way street! I'm just finding my life-circumstances pretty hard right now.
I just noticed that this is post number 398 for me! Need to celebrate when I hit 400! ;D
It would be nice to see you dance, Luise when you hit 400... ;D
Thanks. I am trying to do a good job and still not overdo it. There seems to be a fine line there.
I posted yesterday under Grab Bag. It would have been my son's 61st birthday and it's still very hard for me.
I'm so sorry, Luise! So hard for you. I'm thinking of you......