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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Gmissy

1
Grandchildren / Opinion needed
May 02, 2017, 02:07:58 PM
I am new to this forum and have a slightly different grandparent / child  issue.
My middle GD was adopted, to make a long story short, she was taken from the mother , the father, my son, did not fulfill everything he needed to do , GD went into foster care and was adopted. we had her for 6 months as foster care parents , but decided due  to some health issues not to adopt her, we became close with the adoptive parents and still maintain a close relationship with our granddaughter.

Here is the issue, the maternal adoptive grandmother seems to be very jealous or envious,  of our GD relationship with us. While i can understand she wants to be "the  grandma" she seems to have the need to prove something when we are around. If GD or her adoptive sister come up to us to give us a hug , she must also have one and will force one on the child. She makes sure to tell us how involved she is in GD sports, dance  and just life in general.
When we go to her B-day parties we are introduced  to people we do not know by the adoptive grandmother , by our names not that we are her biological grandparents or her grandparents at all. While i find this annoying, i just brush it off, what i cannot brush off is she does the  same thing to my GD  half sister who is 8 GD is 6. she will introduce older GD by name and  not this is GD sister.
We have never forced ourselves in the mix, we will not fight for GD attention, the look on her face when she sees we are there is enough.
I guess my question is, how do i go about letting the adoptive grandmother realize i am not a threat? If i brought it up to her she would never admit it, but i have every intention of being in my GD life  so i don't know how to ease her mind