March 28, 2024, 12:19:12 PM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Itsgoingtobeok

1
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Drug overdose DS
February 17, 2020, 01:09:41 PM
My son passed away this weekend to a drug overdose. I am heartbroken, yet some what relieved that he is at peace. We hadn't spoken in almost 4 years. I tried to help, we always fought, actually he was very awful to me, pushed me away as hard as he could. Right now, I am in shock, kind of comatosed,don't know what I should be doing. I don't even know why I am here, just hoping someone else out there has experienced this and could share some  wisdom.
2
Dear WWU.  I took time to look over posts, while trying to heal myself. It seems/feels to me this might be a place where I am not alone, in what I am dealing with.  Thank you to whom ever created this site!!

So hears my low down. I have two sons, Two different Fathers. Neither have participated in their sons lives. Not that I didn't want them too just because they didn't (simple as that). I struggled raising two boys on my own, but we made it through.  I did my best, and I know I wasn't perfect, but it was my best.

My oldest son now 26: He has always been independent. When he started school at age 5, he was dressed, hair combed, and ready to go. Mind you it was 5 in the morning. He lived between my parents and I at ages 7-15.  1600 km separated us. I didn't like that, but he longed for my parents, they gave him security,  I was always moving around for work or cheaper places to live. I learned not long ago, that on one of our summer camps he was abused. By a woman! He has approx 11. At 12 he started using marijuana. At 15, he was out of control.  At 16, he was on his own on the streets ect...  We didn't really speak unless he needed something from me. And if I didn't have what he needed, I was told I was a piece of trash. He would yell, swear, blame, bully, threaten, everything besides throw a punch. About 7 years ago he was straightened out had a girlfriend and was moving to the province in which I lived. I owned a business so he asked me to employ him. Hesitantly, I did. Big mistake! We fought, he yelled at me in front of employee's and customers. He was living with me and threatened to smash everything in my house if I didn't pay him....NOW.  It wasn't payday for anyone...?? So again I asked him to leave...away he went. We didn't talk for 2 yrs this time. In that time he started using a much worse drug, and I searched high and low for him. He disappeared for 6 months without a word to anyone I thought I had lost him. I thought he was dead. Then he turned up, cleaned up and again he asked for my help. So I went and got him, he moved into the town I am in, things were going good. Until his GF broke my truck and I asked her to pay for the damages. Well.....hells doors opened!!! Again he was verbally abusing me, blaming me, and saying things like I am a "wasted piece of skin", horrible things came out of his mouth. Heartbroken again, I disconnected and we have not spoken nor seen one another for 8 months now. I am staring to accept the silence, and take comfort in the silence.


Then recently, and up to today. My youngest which I thought I had a loving relationship with, started in on me. He is 21, he just had a baby girl with his ex-gf. I was not thrilled at first of them having a baby, but I was accepting, and excited when she arrived. I am patiently waiting to see the baby it might take time for my son to get his visitation rights in place, so I am sitting back waiting. Then he says, he feels he cannot see his baby nor can I,  because I had talked with his ex's parents and expressed my concerns of two young adults having a baby. Neither parent in my opinion were nor are near ready. Neither was I when I had my first son, I know what it takes and I disagreed. So the other Gp's and ex Gf seem to be holding my view against my son. He is bitter with me now, seems to be blaming me for his life and whats happening in it, and started saying I slapped him when he was younger! I did no such thing! I am heartbroken. I didn't think my youngest would do the blame thing with me. He saw what his brother did and what it did to me.  I am disengaging now from my youngest. The two of them I believe are ganging up because they finally have something in common to talk about (Me). How can I accept the fact that I raised two children that I feel I need to disengage from? What did I do wrong? How do I stop this pain in my heart?  :'(