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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: humbledmama on February 10, 2014, 07:48:52 PM

Title: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: humbledmama on February 10, 2014, 07:48:52 PM
I have another dilemma.  A few of you know from reading my last post that I have an 18 year old daughter that I adopted 12 years ago.  She is my husband's biological daughter.  I also have an 8 year old daughter so they are technically half sisters.  My youngest daughter does not know that my oldest was adopted.  She has asked a couple questions in the past asking why her sister was at our wedding?  She claims that she was "born the right way."  I wasn't prepared for that.  I'm not sure if she would understand that her dad had a child with someone else or maybe I'm just not giving her enough credit.  If I wait, I worry she might think I'm a liar.  I also haven't told her because I don't want her asking questions to her sister because she was abandoned.  It's not something we necessarily talk about.  Any feelings towards this?   :-\
Title: Re: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: Pooh on February 11, 2014, 10:52:44 AM
Here's my feelings towards this, coming from having a Stepfather at the age of 2, and was told he wasn't my biological Father at age 10 when I started asking questions.  Children are smarter than we give them credit for.  I don't think there is a set age of when to tell a child.  I think when the child starts asking questions, such as those, she already knows something isn't jiving and if your intention is to tell her the truth eventually, then it may be time to keep you from lying or her feeling she was lied to.

I think you need to listen to your gut and you'll know when the time is right.  And when you do, you don't have to go into details at her age now but explain in very simple terms so she'll understand.  As she matures and ages, she might request more details on her own.
Title: Re: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: luise.volta on February 11, 2014, 12:34:37 PM
I'm, with P. We can let it be known that children come to us in many ways and every way is about the heart and love.
Title: Re: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: humbledmama on February 11, 2014, 01:00:42 PM
Thank you both for the responses.  I will probably tell her soon and I love the way you put that..."children come to us in many ways and every way is about the heart and love." 
Title: Re: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: Stilllearning on February 12, 2014, 01:58:21 PM
Something we should all remember......   

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/477311260477031007/ (http://www.pinterest.com/pin/477311260477031007/)
Title: Re: Should I Tell Her Or Wait?
Post by: luise.volta on February 12, 2014, 03:20:59 PM
Lovely!