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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: lancaster lady on February 05, 2011, 01:43:21 AM

Title: Personality Crisis
Post by: lancaster lady on February 05, 2011, 01:43:21 AM
Has anybody else suffered a change in their personality since their family conflict ?

I find I am no longer the outgoing sociable person I used to be .
I am wary of what I say to people for fear of causing offence .
I no longer post on FB for the same reason .
I think twice before I say anything where as before I was quite spontaneous .
Most of the time I am quite sad  even though there has been a level of understanding with my F/DIL.
Even my friends are asking if I am OK .!

I hope this is a temporary condition , as I would like my old self back !
Have any of the WW ladies gone through this ? Or is it me being weird !!
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: pam1 on February 05, 2011, 09:21:01 AM
Yes, I stopped laughing.

It was not good for me at all.  I didn't like myself.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 05, 2011, 10:38:59 AM
I find that I'm always a little more on edge.. every time my dil calls I feel an instant dread..usually it's nothing, but I can't stop that little piece of me that knows that her and my ds's actions can take me from my world and send me into my own little black hole.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pen on February 05, 2011, 11:00:43 AM
Yes, I spent a couple of years a very changed woman. More tears, less laughter, loss of motivation to get out and do stuff, fear of saying the wrong thing, etc. I'm starting to get back to my fun, outgoing self around friends and co-workers, but around DS & DIL I often feel tongue-tied and awkward. And it's two steps forward, one step back sometimes - out of the blue I'll hit a snag and regress. That's where I am now.

A big part of my life is gone! DS was truly a friend as well as a son. I miss our discussions, shared interests, jokes. DH is great, but he's a quiet guy who doesn't instigate debates or discussions, and DS is more like me. He's very knowledgable about his field and I used to love getting his take on stuff that was going on.

I'm not saying a DS should stay tied to his mommy forever to fulfill her needs, good golly no! My goal was always to see him fly the nest and be happy as a full-fledged adult. I'm just saying it's a shock to suddenly not have that relationship in your life. If you haven't found a way to fill that paricular void, you feel as if your life has changed drastically. No one I know wants to talk about the stuff we talked about, and no one I know has our quirky sense of humor. I miss those things a lot.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis private conversation
Post by: lancaster lady on February 05, 2011, 11:10:13 AM
I think you are right Pen ...I do miss my DS ,I think he feels guilty if we have a conversation on messenger ,or by text .
She has him well schooled , no private conversations ,she has this complex that everyone is discussing her ....I am always careful what things I ask him .
He's a changed man too ....seems sad like me ....I hope he's going to be happy .
That's the reason for my sadness ...I miss my son .
He moved out of the family home 12 years ago ,so it's not empty nest syndrome .
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: jill on February 05, 2011, 11:22:15 AM
I feel like a cloud is hanging over me, I am not too bad when I am out with friends, and try to forget the problems, but the few times I have spoken to my odd since this all started, I am almost afraid to say anything to her, in case she takes it the wrong way.  When friends talk about their families, I usually keep quiet, I think they can sense something is wrong, although nobody has said anything.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: lancaster lady on February 05, 2011, 12:49:32 PM
We maybe need to invest in suits of armour , so all these bullets bounce off when fired !

I hope when all thse young people are GP's themselves ,they will think back on the treatment they
doled out ...I hope for their sake it's not a case of what goes around ,comes around .
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: holliberri on February 05, 2011, 01:38:12 PM
I know after my miscarriages and my parents divorce, I didn't laugh. Not for awhile. I didn't smile. I felt vacant. I am sure I didn't thank people when they did something.

But, I think personalities are resilient. I think depression was my problem. Somehow, my personality came back. (After my parent's divorce: military boot camp did th trick... After my miscarriages: FINALLY graduating college did it.)

It didn't replace the hurt, but it did replace the depression. My personality came back...I think both times it showed me it was never taken away from me.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: cadagi101 on February 05, 2011, 02:27:55 PM
LL, It does sound like depression and that is a common and very normal reaction to what you have been through.       If you bounced straight back to your "old" self  from losing your DS to this manipulative women than that would mean you didn't really care about the whole problem.  Instead you are incrediably sad.     Time will certainly help but that could be a very very long time.     12 years isn't really that long but it is well and truly time for YOU.        I hope you have tried counselling by now, and from what others have experienced you might take a while until one "clicks".      I tried many things, homeopathic, naturpathy, yoga meditation it goes on and on.    It all helped a little bit but  in my case my DS was living at home so unless I was hit with a brick ( I wasn't that is a manner  of speech)  to wake up to myself..yes me I blamed myself as we do I am sure.    Very misguided blame...anti-depressants  were what got me out of the black hole.     Combined with that I found Cognitive therapy very helpful.     They are not for everyone but saved me.     After all deppression is  because  your body can't produce enough when you are under massive stress  ( a natural substance in the brain, the feel good hormone.)      That is what i have learned and I am telling you this and I can hear all WW saying "i know that"    but I had to explain it to my DFriend  for her to finally go and  get advice from her DR.    She was suicidal so it was very important.     

Please see a Dr if you haven't already I am in no way qualified to give advice I am just relaying my experience to you.             [/uYou will find your way back to a happy fulfilling life, search until you find what "fits for you".   You will be happy and you deserve to be.     
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 05, 2011, 08:43:59 PM
Nov. 2009, when I fell and had an ankle break that required surgery (screws,) I tried to keep on care giving from my wheel chair. I had a complete collapse March of 2010 and that's how Val ended up in nursing. I was so tired that when I was offered respite...(where someone comes in for a few hours, so you can leave,) I said I was too tired to go anywhere or have someone come here. I was too tired to speak to anyone. So, yes...overwhelming fatigue can cause a personality change. I was defeated. I had pretended I was fine for years, and fooled everyone including myself...until all I could do was cry. I was unable to talk.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Tara on February 05, 2011, 10:27:29 PM
Luise,   very painful. 
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: lancaster lady on February 06, 2011, 03:39:24 AM
I hope by posting this topic it hasn't dragged up too many painful memories for the sisters of this forum .
Thankyou for your input ,it's lets me know I'm not losing my mind .
I'm not suicidal ,by no means , just a little sad is all ..
Realising I will never have the relationship I had hoped for with my GD .
Hopefully when she's older she will want to see her granny (Scots) , and have some fun !

I am sorry for your trials Luise , but shows your strength of character ,and love of life to come through
all that and still have fun .
Also to think of others and set up this forum ,you are a remarkable lady ..x
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 08:33:24 AM
Thank you. I think we all have to learn to cut ourselves some slack when we sometimes look in the mirror and see a different "me." I started WWU on Mother's Day of 2009 about 6 months before all of that hit. When "the walls came tumbling down" in my personal life, I couldn't read the posts or monitor the site and asked for everyone to hang in. What transpired was a name-calling cat fight. That's no all that happened, of course, but it nearly brought the site down. I wasn't wise enough (or maybe well enough) to realize I needed to appoint a temporary monitor. If that ever happens again (or maybe when,) I will do my best not to abandon the site like I did last year. I "abandoned me" via care giving, without knowing it. When we do that, it's just a matter of time.

I think that what we learn in Personality Crisis is that black doesn't stay black unless we keep painting it that way...it usually starts becoming lighter and lighter shades of gray until we find ourselves again. I think we are basically Light and it can't be put out by people, places and things...for long.

Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pooh on February 06, 2011, 11:56:00 AM
I have learned to look at my DS situation like I do my lupus.  It's painful at times, depressing to have, has days where I am fine and then it flares up again, don't want it and didn't do much to get it but it's not fatal.  As long as I control it and remember the things I am blessed with in my life, it is manageable and I can still have an amazing life.  But if I decide to let it get the best of me, that is my choice and then it is fatal.  But the best thing is there is always hope that someday, there may be a cure.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 12:05:08 PM
Profound, P. Sending love...
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 12:44:00 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 08:33:24 AM
Thank you. I think we all have to learn to cut ourselves some slack when we sometimes look in the mirror and see a different "me." I started WWU on Mother's Day of 2009 about 6 months before all of that hit. When "the walls came tumbling down" in my personal life, I couldn't read the posts or monitor the site and asked for everyone to hang in. What transpired was a name-calling cat fight. That's no all that happened, of course, but it nearly brought the site down. I wasn't wise enough (or maybe well enough) to realize I needed to appoint a temporary monitor. If that ever happens again (or maybe when,) I will do my best not to abandon the site like I did last year. I "abandoned me" via care giving, without knowing it. When we do that, it's just a matter of time.

I think that what we learn in Personality Crisis is that black doesn't stay black unless we keep painting it that way...it usually starts becoming lighter and lighter shades of gray until we find ourselves again. I think we are basically Light and it can't be put out by people, places and things...for long.

Oh oh oh Pick Me.. Pick Me
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 12:54:30 PM
Ping!
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pooh on February 06, 2011, 12:56:26 PM
Ummm.....do we get a vote?  ;D
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 12:58:45 PM
Ping! "I need one for every category.)
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 02:49:58 PM
She'll come back and find that I was in a bad mood and zapped everyone including myself off the boards.. ok maybe you shouldn't pick me..
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 03:03:41 PM
How it work is you alert me regarding a problem and I handle it. That way, it protects the innocent (that's you) and I'm still responsible...but don't read all the posts and interact on a regular basis. Right now all is well. A year ago now, I couldn't hold my head up and just let it go to pot. I won't do that again. (Truth be told, I really didn't know what I was doing.)

Maybe I should have something in place...just in case. Truth be told, I'm feeling better and better, though. It's taken a year for me to get back on my feet and for instance, back to Curves, which I love. And I just signed up for Zumba!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Tara on February 06, 2011, 04:57:36 PM
Oh Zumba has been on my list of things to try for a year or so.
sounds fun.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Tara on February 06, 2011, 05:00:44 PM
Quote from: Pooh on February 06, 2011, 11:56:00 AM
I have learned to look at my DS situation like I do my lupus.  It's painful at times, depressing to have, has days where I am fine and then it flares up again, don't want it and didn't do much to get it but it's not fatal.  As long as I control it and remember the things I am blessed with in my life, it is manageable and I can still have an amazing life.  But if I decide to let it get the best of me, that is my choice and then it is fatal.  But the best thing is there is always hope that someday, there may be a cure.

Pooh,

This is just what i needed to hear today.  Thank you. 


Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pen on February 06, 2011, 05:03:01 PM
Yes, Pooh, that's an amazing way to look at this. Thank you.

Uh-oh, Zumba...just don't get it confused with Roomba or you might be called a racist like I was.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 05:20:07 PM
Well, it starts on March 5th, and since my 84th birthday is March 9th, I'm getting it as a gift.  :) The Class is Zumba Gold which is for "older folks," specifically the aging Baby Boomers. (I am a Baby Boomer's mother but I hope I can sneak in when nobody's looking!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: holliberri on February 06, 2011, 05:36:55 PM
Quote from: Pen on February 06, 2011, 05:03:01 PM
Yes, Pooh, that's an amazing way to look at this. Thank you.

Uh-oh, Zumba...just don't get it confused with Roomba or you might be called a racist like I was.

Pen...I'm kind of afraid to ask. I'll just give you my very suppotive eyeroll.  ::)

Zumba has my name written all over it...maybe in 2013.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 05:47:54 PM
So what is zumba?
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pen on February 06, 2011, 06:04:15 PM
http://www.zumba.com/us/ (http://www.zumba.com/us/)
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 06:06:00 PM
well that looks painful
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Pen on February 06, 2011, 06:16:20 PM
And quite different from Roomba: http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=roomba&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=3997321225&ref=pd_sl_55cw0tuf2p_e (http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=roomba&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=3997321225&ref=pd_sl_55cw0tuf2p_e)
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 06:18:18 PM
oh I know the roomba.. on the  list of things my dil prefers not to do was vacuuming.. so my son bought her a roomba.. I've never asked how it performed
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: Tara on February 06, 2011, 06:42:53 PM
I love my Rumba.  You still have to use the dust buster around the edges, but no big deal.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: luise.volta on February 06, 2011, 06:52:16 PM
You guys are so funny! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 07:31:21 PM
I don't see how people can use a roomba and then justify paying for a gym... by time I'm done vacuuming.. i'm sweating and I'm sure my heart rate is up... I'll admit that I do use a riding lawn mower.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: holliberri on February 06, 2011, 07:35:04 PM
My caloriecount says 45 minutes of vigorous vacuuming burns 150 calories for someone my age.
Title: Re: Personality Crisis
Post by: LaurieS on February 06, 2011, 07:36:24 PM
then i must be able to burn a whole pizza