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I hear you, G. What I had to tell myself, more times than I care to admit, was to 'stop cluttering it up with logic.' There was none. I stopped the gifts and money because even though I tried not to, there were expectations connected to them. I thought being treated with respects was reasonable. Nope...
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by lancaster lady on May 23, 2018, 11:36:08 PM »
Hello frustrated one ,
I don't get it either . My DS was never allowed to come alone , with or without GC .
I was told we come as a unit .....well most of the time  this is not at all .
My DIL blows hot and cold , this used to bother me greatly , however I now refuse to be upset .
If it wasn't for the GC it wouldn't bother me at all not seeing my DS or DIL at all .
Why waste time onn people who never give you a second thought .
As years go by you begin to look after yourself  , why beg ? If people want to see you they will make time . It's hard to accept but easier on your heart .
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: how do you forget your fil name?
« Last post by Bamboo2 on May 23, 2018, 09:36:56 PM »
With regard to your thread title, as Luise often says, you can't make sense of the senseless.  Sounds like DIL just isn't trying to maintain a relationship.  That seems really challenging for you and your husband.  In my case, I was glad to not see my daughter if she was going to act rude in my presence.  Who needed that?  I didn't have to deal with the negativity and could enjoy my time more instead of fuming about her disrespect.  The thing that was hard to get over was comparing the infrequency of her visits to the close relationships of my friends/relatives and their daughters.  Things only got better when I stopped the comparison and just realized she was on a different path.  I could still choose to enjoy my time with the people who wanted to be in the same room with me and cared about me.  Fortunately when I looked around, there were lots of people like that.  So my daughter wasn't one of them -  oh, well.  Actually, I did have a lot of pain for a long time, but when her disrespect finally made me mad enough, I was ready to call her on it and accept whatever the consequences were - even if she permanently wanted to end our relationship.  I was confident that I'd been a "good enough" parent and whatever I'd done for her had been out of great love.  She would have to decide how to treat me.  It sure sounds like you have gone above and beyond for your son and DIL and you've been putting up with some lousy treatment in return. 
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by Frustrated Oma on May 23, 2018, 06:17:11 PM »
I am newer to this site but I can so relate.  My DIL is our biggest problem.  Every time we invite them to any family function, it takes days or weeks for a response because during this time my DS  (so he says) has to beg and plead to get her to consent to attending.  Lately, my son has been showing up by himself.  We have a 7 month old GC in which I have seen only a handful of times since birth.  He is unable to bring the GC with him when he comes by himself because she breast feeds and refuses to pump, no bottles so she has to be with the baby at all times.  I just don't get it, we have been so accepting of her since the first time he brought her to meet us.  So hard to deal with this. ...
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by lancaster lady on May 22, 2018, 08:26:24 AM »
I'm in my cooling off period at the moment , always wise to do this . Otherwise I would blow a gasket and be cut off . I think that's what she wants .
So by keeping cool it hopefully will annoy her to death .
Sneaky huh ?
Been at this a long time now , doesn't get any easier .
We have known dil for 15 years. I feel that she has no use for us - when they visit she is on her cell constantly or hiding in another room avoiding everyone.
 She met someone whose name is spelled the same  as my hubby's but pronounces it differently, and now, 3 times so far, when we see her, she asks my hubby how he says his name! The first time she said "What is your name? How do you pronounce it?" He explained the family connection.  The second time, she did the same "What is your name?  I keep getting confused".  He is so unruffled but it bothers me no end.  This last visit it happened again.
How can you forget anyone's name, especially your fil's  - someone you've known for years?  We only see them about 3-4 times a year even though they live only an hour away. I questioned son this last time and he says the wrong name just slipped out. i say disrespectful!
I feel it is another way to show how little she thinks of us.  We do a lot for them - gifts, lending money.  We try to show love when we see them.  She doesn't deal with us often - how hard is it to suck it up for a few times a year and be gracious?
Someone at the party must have asked where his parents were.  I wonder, did she make up a story or tell the truth that she didn't invite you? I would let my son know the truth - that you were not invited.I agree about Karma.Or you could bring it up when you see her - say I am so disappointed that we didn't get to be at our son's birthday!  Sad and unnecessary to be cruel like this.     
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by lancaster lady on May 21, 2018, 10:51:50 PM »
Thankyou for your kind reply .
However they're still quite young and impressionable , she tends to poison their minds with made up stories . Until they're at the age when they can make up their own minds , we're kinda at her mercy .
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by Bamboo2 on May 21, 2018, 09:12:37 PM »
Ouch, Lancaster Lady!  That gotta hurt.  It sounds like what your son wanted and what he got for his birthday were two different things.  The things he must have to put up with...

While you say "she knows" you will always be there for your grandchildren, THEY also know that, and isn't that what matters most?
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: It never ends , sorry to say
« Last post by luise.volta on May 21, 2018, 03:03:00 PM »
Oh, how difficult for both you and your son! Yes, I do believe 'what goes around, comes around'! It has many names. I kinda' like "Gotcha'! Hugs...
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