Welcome, J. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First, to read the 5 posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the 'Forum Agreement' to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.
I removed your post because there were personal details not needed here for us to be able to get what you are up against and respond to you. If you read other posts in our archives, you will see that having adult children who attempt to use there moms as scapegoats...blaming them for everything they don't want to take the blame for themselves, is something many of us have had to try to work our way through. The circumstances are different, of course...but the pain and suffering is all too familiar. If you would like to post again more discreetly after reading the 5 posts I mentioned in my first paragraph, please do so. Often a caring community can be of great help. Many of us here felt pretty alone with what we were left to deal with.