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Problem Solving => Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents => Topic started by: Mama Tani on March 04, 2011, 10:16:04 PM

Title: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Mama Tani on March 04, 2011, 10:16:04 PM
Ladies, I found out my DIL censors my son's e-mails.  She decides what she wants him to read or not read.  (before anyone says anything...I have NOT talked about her, tried to coerce him to turn against her, or anything else)  Do you think a wife should keep messages from a mother to her adult son? 

Let me start from the beginning.  I asked my DIL to pass a "love" message to my Grandbaby.  I was informed that she "would not."  So, I very nicely wrote a note to my son (how's things going stuff) and at the end simply stated "give Grandbaby a kiss from her grandma."  DIL erased it b/c she doesn't believe in passing on messages (my GD is only 18 months old).  So, I don't want to be too sensitive....give me your opinions ???  Both DILs and MILs.... 
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: luise.volta on March 04, 2011, 10:30:46 PM
My take: I don't think it's any of your business. It's some kind of a power struggle between them and your son needs to discover it and handle it on his own...(or not.) You tried to get something past her that she had refused and she stopped you. Not wise to my way of thinking. Huge battles can come from something this simple. She's making up the rules unilaterally. That's your son's issue. She said no to you. Your job was to say..."O.K."
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Scoop on March 05, 2011, 04:01:13 AM
First off, how do you know she deleted it?  Was this on facebook?

Next, I can sort of see where she's coming from.  An 18 m/o baby is not going to understand that 'this' kiss is from Gma. It wouldn't hurt her to humour you but if she's very literal minded she won't do anything she considers irrational.

I wouldn't take it personnally, it's not that she doesn't want to pass on the love, it's that she doesn't think that this is an effective way of doing it.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pen on March 05, 2011, 06:57:59 AM
MT, I feel your frustration. My SM does the same thing with emails to my DF (he's not on his own account, computer illiterate), letters, packages, and phone calls. She's made it clear from day one of their marriage that his kids were out and hers were in. He wasn't "allowed" to invite us out to dinner w/o her, so he'd tell us to be quiet about it. Sneaking around w/your own DF - kinda weird.

I think your DIL is doing a major power play, and unfortunately the only thing you can do is hope DS finds out somehow (if you blatantly tell him & DIL finds out you'll be cut off for sure) and that he steps up to demand uncensored access to his FOO. He needs his own account. It's hard to believe a young person these days uses his wife's email address and vice versa. He can get a free one easily that she can't access. (There's no hope for my DF, he's just not interested in learning how to email.)

I do take it personally when I'm treated that way by SM, and probably would if DIL screened DS's messages. In a free society that is not OK. And I don't think the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of passing on a hug or a kiss has anything to do with your DIL's refusal, I think she finds it distasteful to deal with you at all. Sorry to sound so harsh, but that's MHO. People say "give so-and-so a hug from me" all the time. It's a thing; most of us just say OK will do, whether we actually do or not, or whether or not we think it's "effective." We say OK to be polite to the giver, not necessarily the recipient.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Faithlooksup on March 05, 2011, 07:22:29 AM
Quote from: Mama Tani on March 04, 2011, 10:16:04 PM
Ladies, I found out my DIL censors my son's e-mails.  She decides what she wants him to read or not read.  (before anyone says anything...I have NOT talked about her, tried to coerce him to turn against her, or anything else)  Do you think a wife should keep messages from a mother to her adult son? 

Let me start from the beginning.  I asked my DIL to pass a "love" message to my Grandbaby.  I was informed that she "would not."  So, I very nicely wrote a note to my son (how's things going stuff) and at the end simply stated "give Grandbaby a kiss from her grandma."  DIL erased it b/c she doesn't believe in passing on messages (my GD is only 18 months old).  So, I don't want to be too sensitive....give me your opinions ???  Both DILs and MILs....
Hello,   I guess I have a different opinion on this.......In all do respect and in MHO I just dont think or feel your DIL has the right to censor nor delete emails you send to your son...  I am an MIL and if I sent my son an email and found out my DIL was deleting them~~~I would contact him and gently tell him about this.....for he does have the right to your emails and he may NOT be aware that this is taking place......Hopefully, he may then ask his wife why she is doing this...
If she chooses to take offense to this--then that is her problem for her colors of guilt are showing.

I, on the other hand when my GC's were young and I would either talk with my DIL or DS on the phone before hanging up, i would also add-----give so and so a hug and kiss for me...That is just a Grandparent thing, its sending love thats all it is...and there is not a  darn thing wrong with that...

Wishing you the best...
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Rose799 on March 05, 2011, 07:28:17 AM
Last year, I knew we wouldn't see gs on the day of his 4th b-day, so I e-mailed him an e-card from gm & gp.  Two weeks later, the site sent me a notice, stating that it had never been opened.  Dd always opened them prior.   I don't know that I will send him another; it really hurt.  Once bitten twice shy...
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 05, 2011, 07:43:18 AM
Hi Tani
I agree with Scoop , that it wouldn't hurt to humour you by passing on your love .
I've  no idea why she wouldn't want to do this , I send my GD hugs all the time ,it just lets my DIL know that I'm thinking of my GD.
Re emails ....my DS told his partner everything I sent him anyway .Did she erase the whole message or just the ending ? why would she want to hide this message ? I don't think she should erase anyone's emails .I would be mad if some one did that to my mail .
why don't you ask her ? One of the bugbears for my future DIL was the fact I went to DS with any
problems I had re GD or her .So now I go to her ,she can't complain it's what she wanted .
If he didn't want her to see his emails he would have a password in place anyway.
If she doesn't believe in passing on messages send one addressed to your GD......!

It's a learning curve I'm afraid ,we don't know which way it curves till we get it wrong !
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: luise.volta on March 05, 2011, 10:29:43 AM
"It's a learning curve I'm afraid we don't know which way it curves till we get it wrong!" T

There's a one-liner I'm going to hang onto in my personal life. (For instance, in thinking about moving from my IBM compatible Dell to a Mac Mini.)
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 05, 2011, 10:54:30 AM
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 05, 2011, 05:01:43 PM
I too have to ask.. how is it known for a fact that part of the message was deleted?  Also.. doesn't anyone use a phone any more.. if I felt that my messages were being altered, deleted etc I would be making all my correspondences via the telephone... let her delete that :)
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pen on March 05, 2011, 06:58:47 PM
The phone poses its own set of problems, at least in my sitch with my DF. When I call him, SM immediately gets on the line too. Talk about a "freaky three-way." She's been known to erase the answering machine as well, or to claim DF isn't home. It's as if he's being held prisoner. I'll bet SM has been difficult as both a DIL & a MIL.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 05, 2011, 09:16:33 PM
Pen didn't you say that this is a highly educated woman?  Isn't she a psychologist?  I really can't even imagine people being like that, it's just so foreign to me.  I don't know what you would do if someone edits or monitors all the emails, messages, telephone calls and probably personal meetings. You've said that your father has had to almost sneak to spend time with you... is he happy in his marriage?  Surely if he is sneaking about, then he realizes that this isn't a healthy relationship.  I honestly just don't get it.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 06, 2011, 02:48:40 AM
as my Pop got older , living with my mother , his favourite saying was '' Anything for a quiet life ''.
Perhaps Pens dear old Pop has this in mind when he gives in to his domineering DW .!
Seems to me she thinks you are discussing her in your conversations .Some women can't bear to share
their menfolk with anyone .
If she is a psychologist she must see the insecurities in her actions .
People will always remain a mystery ,why they do what they do .!
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Mariatobe on March 06, 2011, 04:17:14 AM
Deleting your emails are a symptom of a much greater problem.  Solve the original problem, then maybe things will get better.  I'm not saying her getting into DS's email is a good thing, but she sounds very angry over something and can guess it has NOTHING to do with emails.  Quit worrying about the emails and focus on the problem.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 06, 2011, 06:28:25 AM
I agree Maria... the emails etc are just a symptom of a much greater problem.  But unlike a swollen toe, this one could suggest so many different reasons, or worse a combination of reasons and none that can be easily corrected.  Insecurities would be my first guess, but especially someone like Pen's SM I see no way of changing any of their behavior by modifying what you are doing.  But since it seems like insecurities are the root to most of the problems that we see here, has that almost become a catch basin for all of life's relationship problems?

Since we can not change someone's way of looking at life in general,  in this case I think I would turn to a form of communication with the ds that can not be altered, or purged from existence. If someone is that hell bent on stopping all communication and the ds chooses to allow it when it has become blatantly obvious then I think I would have to accept that this has also become their own view towards communication with you and they are possibly hiding behind the person that is willing to attach their name to the actions.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: holliberri on March 06, 2011, 09:39:46 AM
MIL: B.S. in Psychology.

Screens every phone call. Even when I stayed with them and talked to DH on the phone when he was overseas, she picked up the other line and told us to chat away like she wasn't there at all.

His dad calls to tell him one sentence and then says call your mother, we'll chat later. He never gets time with his DS(s) to himeself.

Is that what they teach in Psychology?

Re: e-mails. I still don't understand how she can be altering your e-mails. I see very easily how she could be deleting them, but not manipulating them.

I know all of DH's passwords, but I've never checked his e-mails. He's too boring for that. I think the "bigger" problem is likely her, not you or anything you did.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 06, 2011, 09:46:10 AM
It does make you wonder what is being taught in Psychology, and even more, why are certain people drawn to this field of study.  Some of the most insecure people I know are/were Psychology majors.. LOL.. my DIL included...  Are they looking for self-help or are they trying to convince themselves that they are perfectly normal and the rest of the world has issues?  Pathetic isn't it.

Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Mariatobe on March 06, 2011, 10:01:56 AM
Holli - I'm sorry but I don't agree.  Clearly the DIL is frustrated or outright annoyed at MIL.  I don't think the problem is all DIL.  I can bet MIL said or did something DIL didn't like, and she's being passive aggressive.  I also agree with Laurie.  DS could be hiding behind his wife, letting her take the blame.  But there IS  a problem, and I wouldn't be too quick to judge DIL, as I've been on that side of it.  Never reading DH's emails, but I can feel her frustration and anger over "something."
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: holliberri on March 06, 2011, 10:22:42 AM
But, we obviously do agree.  :)

Her passive aggression is her problem. Passive aggression is a very ineffective way of handling an issue with someone, no matter what they did. Mama Tani can't control DIL's reaction to her.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: holliberri on March 06, 2011, 10:27:57 AM
And, that's the other problem with passive aggression; often what the other person did wrong isn't clear at all.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 06, 2011, 10:32:04 AM
Well until one of them decides to talk to the other ...we'll never know what the problem is !
and on it goes ......forever. Life is too short to wonder what if's.
Life isn't tied with a bow , but it's still a gift
Sort it out , why waste time .
I'm saying this as I lost a dear friend last week ,and I'm thinking of all the good times we could've had
if she hadn't died so young .
Do it today what you should have done yesterday .
Talk to each other .!
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: holliberri on March 06, 2011, 10:34:50 AM
Sorry to hear that LL. I'll be thinking of you.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Mariatobe on March 06, 2011, 10:38:47 AM
I think LL is right.  Although we don't go through life thinking we may lose someone we love tomorrow, it is a good point.  Obviously something more is going on, and email is not working very effectively.  Stop with the email altogether and find an effective way to communicate and find out what is REALLY going on and what the problem is.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: free_at_last on March 06, 2011, 10:50:13 AM
I think way too much is being read into the fact that she checks his email (if she does).  I'm pretty sure my husband isn't the only man who just doesn't want to take the time to mess around with email and facebook.  Sure he has them, but he never checks them.  Every so often he asks me to go in and check them.  I can guarantee you if he had an email from his Mom he'd tell me to delete without even reading it.  I don't see how anyone can know if she is sneaking into his email and "censoring" it without his knowledge.

I agree with the others that it may be better to just bypass the email completely and give him a call.  If he doesn't answer or call back, then you know you have a problem with him, not his wife. 
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pen on March 06, 2011, 10:54:30 AM
LL, you're so right. I'm sorry for your loss. You've inspired me  to call my DF today and not worry about SM. I will know I at least tried to do the right thing even if it doesn't get through. BTW, things have improved recently with DS & DIL. Small steps forward, enough to give me hope.

Quote from: Laurie on March 05, 2011, 09:16:33 PM
Pen didn't you say that this is a highly educated woman?  Isn't she a psychologist?  I really can't even imagine people being like that, it's just so foreign to me.  I don't know what you would do if someone edits or monitors all the emails, messages, telephone calls and probably personal meetings. You've said that your father has had to almost sneak to spend time with you... is he happy in his marriage?  Surely if he is sneaking about, then he realizes that this isn't a healthy relationship.  I honestly just don't get it.

Laurie, for some reason he handed the financial, social, and family reins over to SM. He has nothing to call his own now, he's completely dependent on her. The sneaking around to see us happened years ago. He doesn't much value us these days, as SM, her kids/grandkids have become his focus & family. If my SSis and I are standing next to one another he'll walk over and hug her while ignoring me, for example. I'm treated as a random acquaintance most of the time. SM is very manipulative, very smart, can spin circles around just about everyone. She always (well, almost always - I've stopped her in her tracks a couple of times) gets her way. He has issues, obviously. Maybe he thinks it's penance for how he treated my mom. I don't understand how treating me and my family as well as my sib poorly makes up for being a jerk to my mom, but he did mention something along those lines a few years ago as to why he let SM run his life.

I think a lot of my fears about losing DS come from this experience - I can see similarities between DIL and SM sometimes, and it makes me sad that I may lose on both ends, as a child and a parent. DIL is trying to be more accepting now and I would be better off if I separated my feelings about DIL from my feelings about SM.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: holliberri on March 06, 2011, 11:08:41 AM
Pen,

I know the similaries between my g-mom and my MIL have me at times making assumptions about MIL's behavior. It makes sense: I see what is coming with G-ma and thus I must somehow know what is coming with MIL. Plus, everytime you're proven right, it just reinforces your pattern of thinking. I really get that. It's hard to separate feelings like that.

I see one positive difference in your situation; DS doesn't have reason to feel like he's serving a penance about anything, so he doesn't need to punish himself and therefore you in that process. I hope that things keep moving forward with your DIL, or...I mean I hope your DIL keeps moving forward.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 06, 2011, 11:18:15 AM
Pen:
Good luck I ,I hope you get to talk to your DF ,wish mine was here to call ... :(
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: AnonymousDIL on March 07, 2011, 12:17:46 PM
Quote from: Rose799 on March 05, 2011, 07:28:17 AM
Last year, I knew we wouldn't see gs on the day of his 4th b-day, so I e-mailed him an e-card from gm & gp.  Two weeks later, the site sent me a notice, stating that it had never been opened.  Dd always opened them prior.   I don't know that I will send him another; it really hurt.  Once bitten twice shy...

Maybe it went to their SPAM folder since it wasn't an adress in their contacts????
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: AnonymousDIL on March 07, 2011, 12:22:16 PM
Quote from: Mariatobe on March 06, 2011, 10:38:47 AM
I think LL is right.  Although we don't go through life thinking we may lose someone we love tomorrow, it is a good point.  Obviously something more is going on, and email is not working very effectively.  Stop with the email altogether and find an effective way to communicate and find out what is REALLY going on and what the problem is.

I actually DO go through life thinking that I may lose someone I love tomorrow, or today for that matter. I lost my dad so suddenly. Life is just waaaay too short.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: AnonymousDIL on March 07, 2011, 12:26:11 PM
So, same question. How is she censoring the emails? Are they being sent to a joint email account? I couldn't imagine having a "joint" account with DH. He forwards everything from his family to me anyway lol.

Is she reading them and just giving him the highights? Sorry, but I probably wouldn't count "give a hug/kiss" for me as a highlight.... Ooops.  :-\

She sounds like a real piece of work. If I were your DIL, I would humor you with the hug kiss thing lol. I think it is really sweet.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pooh on March 07, 2011, 12:33:01 PM
For some reason I just saw this...dang.  The same thing goes on with my OS and DIL.  I kept sending emails about things, and never heard back.  After a few months of this, I was on the phone and asked why he didn't reply?  He said he didn't check his email or FB account any more, DIL did and had not told him about any of it.

Ok, so if he chooses to let her have all his passwords and manage his email, that is his choice.  I stopped sending things through his email and FB.  I figured he could take it up with her on why she had not told him about things I had asked.   His choice.

I have all my DH's passwords and he has mine.  But just to help if one of us is out of town or away from a computer and needs some information.  But I don't check his regularly and if I do by his request, I tell him what has been sent.  I don't censor them.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: overwhelmed123 on March 07, 2011, 01:06:33 PM
MT-
I do hope you come back and tell us how you found out that this is happening.  I am trying to reserve my comment until I understand the full situation...
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 07, 2011, 02:26:38 PM
I manage to speak to my DS through windows Live Messenger ,which he has on at work all day .no one else can see my messages .
Now that we're all speaking it's not a problem ,but it's nice to know that he's there for a chat .
maybe Pooh you could reach your son this way ?
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: stilltrying2010 on March 07, 2011, 02:57:20 PM
My DH's FOO does not have my email add. only DH's - which we sort of treat as a "family" acct.   There have been a few times they actually send a msg (not a fwd fwd fwd) and expect a response when DH asked me to not respond.  This is his FOO and since I NEVER do anything right when it comes to them I have begun deferring to his wishes (when it comes ot them).   Not saying this is what's going onwith the OP but it does happen.

ll- sorry about your friends passing but what an inspirational msg you wrote!
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Rose799 on March 08, 2011, 09:28:03 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on March 07, 2011, 12:17:46 PM
Maybe it went to their SPAM folder since it wasn't an address in their contacts????

Thanks Adil, I'd like to believe it went to the SPAM folder.  Thank you, I hadn't thought of that.

Rose
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pooh on March 08, 2011, 11:21:17 AM
Quote from: lancaster lady on March 07, 2011, 02:26:38 PM
I manage to speak to my DS through windows Live Messenger ,which he has on at work all day .no one else can see my messages .
Now that we're all speaking it's not a problem ,but it's nice to know that he's there for a chat .
maybe Pooh you could reach your son this way ?

I wish.  But good idea LL.  No, he works for an electrical place, not behind a desk, so not an option.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 08, 2011, 12:26:01 PM
said goodbye to a friend today .
they played Frank Sinatra ...Softly as I Leave you ...as we left the church ...!!
I think when its my time ,I'm gonna have something lively and funny .
People are sad enough without breaking their hearts listening to that sad sad song ... :'(
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 08, 2011, 12:31:20 PM
Isn't that the hardest thing to do... attending a funeral for someone that you really care for.  I always miss everything that is being said because I'm concentrating on  not crying and nothing more.  The families always tear me up, it's hard to see their raw pain.

I don't know about happy music... I don't want people smiling at my funeral either.. what do you think you would pick?  All I know is I better not be buried in a bra... I told my dh, if I'm wearing a bra for all eternity, then you will never sleep through the night again.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on March 08, 2011, 12:42:08 PM
lol....hah Laurie ......
I had a friend who said if they cut her fringe she would haunt them !!
maybe not a funny song ,but a happy one ....today was torture ,I managed fine until that last song .
I would like folk smiling as they left , not in floods of tears .
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: luise.volta on March 08, 2011, 12:45:30 PM
My ashes are going out to sea directly after cremation. In my belief system that's not who I am but more the outfit I choose to wear this time around. If my family decides to have a "Celebration of my Life," not a funeral, I have asked to have Kirk play and sing, "Moon River" and "On a Clear Day." The rest of the time they will be roasting me. LOL!

We decided when we moved here not to attend any funerals and in 11 years the only one I have gone to is a guy I never knew, my best friend's husband. This is a large retirement complex with over 300 of us standing in line. It's the normal weekend entertainment.

I pick up other people's emotions...constantly, which isn't a blessing most of the time. I start to weep (and I'm not a crier) when I enter the door and am personally still feeling just fine.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: LaurieS on March 08, 2011, 02:12:08 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on March 08, 2011, 12:45:30 PM
My ashes are going out to sea directly after cremation. In my belief system that's not who I am but more the outfit I choose to wear this time around. If my family decides to have a "Celebration of my Life," not a funeral, I have asked to have Kirk play and sing, "Moon River" and "On a Clear Day." The rest of the time they will be roasting me. LOL!

And if you're cremated.. that will be the ultimate roasting :)

See the song Moon River makes me not sad but more subdued.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: L on March 16, 2011, 11:28:25 AM
Well, maybe you could just call him on his cell phone if there is something important you need to let him know if you feel she may be keeping emails from him.  Not really much else you can do.  And I wouldn't mention to him that you are calling him "because" you don't feel he is getting emails you send.  I would just call him on phone instead of email.  Hope that helps.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Mama Tani on August 05, 2011, 11:16:59 PM
Sorry Ladies, it has taken me MUCH TOO LONG to get back on WWU.  I do apologize.  To answer ADIL's question.  My son and I (as well as DIL) communicate with FaceBook due to being able to share pics and all.  I have had difficulty with my DIL for some time.  I feel, I know this is my perspective, that I have really tried to do what I can to get along with her.  I do not expect us to be best friends; but for my GD's sake I was hoping we could be polite with one another.  I decided to share with her my feelings of "walking on eggshells" while visiting.  Somehow, FB came up and "she" had said that an message I had sent to DS never was read by her, because she deleted it and that she sensors his messages.  Please, understand that I know my son loves his wife and I would not write criticizing messages about her to him (understanding that it would place him between us and that would not be my purpose).  I did tell her that I believed it was wrong for her to delete messages I sent and she responded with, "Whatever you think."  She is my heartache these days.  I really wish for a wonderful relationship with her.... but I have given up on that for now.  I will continue to pray and hope

Thank you all for your comments... I believe there is a wealth of wisdom on these pages!   :)
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: lancaster lady on August 06, 2011, 12:31:03 AM
Welcome back Mamatani .......At least you were able to mention the emails .Its up.to.your DS to halt this censoring if he is aware of it that is. It's her loss missing out on what could be a great relationship,she never knows when she might need you , but we MIL tend to.be.a forgiving bunch !
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pooh on August 07, 2011, 10:15:40 AM
Good to hear from you again MT.  Hang in there.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Stardust on August 07, 2011, 11:39:32 AM
I just read this thread. I'm wondering.... Can you not get your son's work email and contact him there? Same with a work phone number and/ or cell phone? Why do you only need to use his FB email? If you had a work email, she can't censor or delete messages then.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pooh on August 08, 2011, 05:42:22 AM
SD I wasn't sure if you were asking the poster or me since you included FB in that.  I'm going to answer for myself and then MT can answer.  He didn't have a work email.  He was an intern for an electrical company while he was in college working on his degree.  He basically worked in a production type area making electrical parts, no office job.  He had a yahoo account and I tried emailing that one too with the same results.  I would text him (when we were still in contact) and he would answer me on the little stuff like "How's your day going?" but when I asked about their Christmas plans or anything like that, he wouldn't answer.  He later told me that she also checks his phone and reads his texts along with checking all his email accounts.

So I quit texting and emailing him.  If he chooses to live that way, then it's his choice but I wasn't playing those games.  Now, it's been a 19 months since I have seen him in person and haven't spoken to him in 7 months (last call in December, after she kicked me off her FB and he was lying to cover for her, when I told him I loved him and would not contact him any longer.  The ball was in his court.)

So in my case, all the avenues I had to contact him were being policed so I just quit.

Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: luise.volta on August 08, 2011, 08:45:12 AM
Quit and left the door open, Pooh. You learned that there was no reaching him around that kind of pathology. Maybe it isn't, but that's what I call it. He knows you're there and that you care. And on some level he respects the fact that you have set boundaries...because it reflects self-respect. You are still his roll model, remember? He may some day remember it, too.
Title: Re: Censoring e-mails???
Post by: Pooh on August 08, 2011, 09:24:14 AM
I hope so.