March 28, 2024, 01:02:09 PM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Footloose

16
Wow!  So sad to hear of your trouble!  Do not walk, run!  LOL!   Elope!?  I did!  Too much drama from my own family so we just did it in a private.  You are doing everything the best way possible but you will not be able to help this woman better relationships w/ your to be hubby or anyone.  To not protect her child against an abusive husband says it all!  You may very well be better off for her to let her get angry all by herself and leave you both alone. You also have every right to tell her that your original plan to have her officiate has changed because she is too busy and hard to contact so thanks but no thanks.  Be absolutely polite but clear.  Please dear sister, set those limits now.  Do not be like me and take it to keep peace.  you matter too!
17
Pooh!  HAHAHA!!
18
Sounds like you may be getting peace when she moves away but I hear your anger. Sadness, guilt and regret are the emotions that create in- action. Anger is the one to drive change and gives us the drive needed but we can get stuck  in any emotion, if we allow it and be prevented from healing to the point of apathy and acceptance. We get stuck if we try and outrun the need to change   our actions and attitudes and change some more. 

I do not know your age but know you are younger than my 50 yrs.  I welcome you to share my story and path of discovery if it aids to lessen your burden.  There are a couple of resources I have on this site that may help. Please click on my dog JoJo pic and it will show my threads.
You are not alone!






19
Welcome Opt Out!

Are you my sister?  LOL sounds like we have the same mom! YIKES! 

I would have been disappointed but would NEVER have pushed for grandchildren.

Good for you in maintaining boundaries!  It is also YOUR choice in who comes into your home.  Weather you decide to have kids or stay with your husband will continue to be your choice going forward. 

You have done so well on your own but please do not forget where you came from and the bad memories you remember may only be the tip of the root of further mental issue drivers.  Don't be like me!  Do not suffer in silence or think everyone has it like you or worse.  You DESERVE to feel Better and it is A OK to get help and tools to get you through your life path....

Hugs, dear sister!
20
I am too nosey. I used to get to missing them and hunt photos. That is how I got to see my last grandchild after she was born . The eldest lost his first tooth, etc...

I cannot handle it and it is OK.    So we collect friends like base ball cards and are not a allowed to look. 
21
Dear Dedicated,
maybe you also saved her ....for later.  I hope we all live good and long lives so it occurs to me that time could be our friend in these situations. She may have some more growing to do and who knows what's next for either of you?  Look back 10 years or even 5?  Now flash forward 10, 15 or more?

I agree that we could be gone in a second so we shouldn't waste a single moment and that is why it is so important to take this time out to focus on you.   
22
Cranky, we r sisters from a different mister!  I'm so glad you had a great MD! :)  Pooh, we too!  Take back the holiday and take back your life while you're at it!

I finally got a life and it almost got taken away and then to recover only to be tied again into a family web going back eons before I was born?  NOT!

Here is a toast to your new and improved life! Make it GRAND!  I am trying that for myself too!
23
We do matter!  and after all, we were moms FIRST!  LOL! 

I prepared the garden, planted the seeds, weeded out the bad and nurtured the good, all the while, showering him with love, sunshine and time.  Now it is his time to grow a good crop of his own, on his own and with his time. Now my garden is empty with fruit but flowers remain as long as the love and sunshine continue to nurture my own soul and do my best with others.   The seeds planted have become my legacy and will remain until the end of time.

I made a difference in his life and he knows I did my best out of the pure love I will always have for him.  I did my job and did it with pleasure and best intentions and am now focusing on what's next in my own great adventure that is this crazy life I am happy to live.

Wishing you peace during this tough holiday!
24
BTW,  the very worst FB story:

GS nbr2 was turning3.  DH and I got invited over on his birthday to celebrate:) DIL calls the morning of and asks if I can pick up cake and decor.  i say cool and bring over the party essentials. 

Soon after we arrive, it is apparent that it will only be us 2 and DH/DIL w/ GKs. I ask where everyone else is and am told they couldn't make it.  Nice!

The next Monday I get FB news feed of the "real" party that excluded me and DH but included everyone else.....yup, poke in da eye!!!!
25
I tried the direct approach and it didn't work either and ya know why?  It's NOT about ME! I know this dynamic too well after 6 years of it.  If I had told her the truth, she would have blown it up as another problem that is mine to solve.  I just know it would do no good but rather give her what she wants, a scrimmage.  I just said that social media is not for me, which is the real truth and I have always had issues with it. If I was honest, she would have denied it and said oh you are too sensitive, don't be jealous, we love you too, yak, yak, yak...Then she would go to my son and tell him I am off my meds again.....(joke ONLY)  My choice to use FB or not and I choose NOT. Nuff said? :)
26
I think the mental health issue is a big part in my case too.  "Get back on Facebook so it's easy to get pics of the kids." After my resistance, I gave in and reopened my acct. Not one week later, I get a news feed where she is dripping over granaries day and how her kids think their papa and nana  are the best ever. DH and I got no mention.  I fired Facebook for the last time and have a no social media policy that will remain. I call this treatment a poke in the eye.
Got another poke yesterday. No word on Mother's Day but a text of my GD smiling for the camera.  No words just her pic. I ignored it until this AM and messaged back with a shot reply.....good morning cutie pie.....
27
Grab Bag / Re: Mother's Day is on it's way
May 09, 2014, 07:28:53 AM
Isn't mothering just the epitome of love and nurture? Who else do we nurture? Ourselves, our spouses, coworkers, friends and even strangers we stop to acknowledge or lend a hand. My dog JoJo looks to DH and me as God because in her sweet eyes, we are. Soak up some of that love and turn it inward fine women!

This forum is yet another way we nurture ourselves and so many others!  Keep on keeping on and count all those blessings?!

If you can't be with the one u love, honey, love the one you're with! Even if the one you're with is simply YOU.

In having an intimate chat w/ DH, we realized that while we both missed out on basic needs as children, we cannot undo what was done, we can give to each other all that was missed and so much more.  We can fill the nurture gaps for this half of our lives. All we have to do is pay attention to the moment and remain on the steadfast path towards a meaningful life. We matter too!

I will be spending the day with my 80 yo mom, warts and all, and am happy to do it. It may be a long time b4 we share another Mother's Day. 



?
28
I would have left Him to clean up his own mess! And he should have come home with a sponsor....... ???
29
Grab Bag / Re: Mother's Day is on it's way
April 28, 2014, 11:44:28 AM
Cranky, perfect sentiments!  I also got a chuckle cuz I too am a recovering Catholic!! 
30
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Please Help
April 25, 2014, 01:55:06 PM
Welcome Ms. Ginger,

I understand your situation too well.  You have done nothing wrong in keeping ties with your friends and loved ones.  There is your grandchild involved too.  I will always keep a respectful tie to my DIL even if and I hope NEVER, they get divorced.  She married my son and helped to create and will be raising my 4 GKs.  In my way of seeing things for me, she is my family now and forever because of the children.

Luise is spot on as always in that this really has nothing to do with you or your friendship w/ the ex.  It has to do with his issues of control, maybe stemming from his new bride's insecurities.  It is very sad to know that there's nothing you can do because it is not you who has the problems. 

All you can do is be true
to YOU......

Count your blessings for the good relationship you have w xdil!  She sounds like a good friend!

Hugs!