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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: amflautist on January 05, 2012, 12:49:00 PM

Title: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: amflautist on January 05, 2012, 12:49:00 PM
http://www.michaelppowers.com/prosperity/mayonnaise.html

Luise, how about it?

Amanda
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: lancaster lady on January 05, 2012, 01:44:47 PM
Accepting your invitation with pleasure AM .....need a good chat ...... :)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 05, 2012, 03:17:30 PM
I will be having a "cuppa" with you tomorrow evening when I get back home to my iMac desktop. This PC laptop has been out to get me since the moment I arrived. Sending love...
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Rose799 on January 05, 2012, 04:03:04 PM
Wonderful, thanks AM...
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: amflautist on January 06, 2012, 05:42:52 AM
And so my own DH, the eternal professor, responded with this:
http://www.flickspire.com/m/IAAW/LifeIsLikeCoffee

Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Pooh on January 06, 2012, 06:16:55 AM
I love that AM!
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 07, 2012, 02:36:17 PM
Here I am! Here I am! :D I didn't check in last night because I was so wiped from the 5 hour drive over Steven's Pass. Slept 12 hours!

So, yes, I am ready for a "cuppa." I'm back in my little, studio apartment...back visiting my beloved Val in our nursing facility. They were right when they (staff) recommended that I leave the campus for the first time in over a decade. Val, age 100, no longer has a grip on time and so had no idea I hadn't been to see him in 9 days.

I sure missed him but I also had a wonderful visit with my daughter, Sonja, who, you may remember, is my ex-DIL. They have been divorced for 25 years but Sonja and I decided not to get divorced.  ;) We talked our heads off, went to bed early and slept late, ate marvelous food (like homemade lasagna) because she's a fabulous cook, and laughed ourselves silly. She has 20 acres up on a plateau over the Methow River in E. WA. Very stark, beautiful and silent. There's a "bunkhouse" (as big as my studio) that is just "steps" away from her strawbale home. (Slipping and sliding "steps" on ice and snow but I didn't fall once and I loved the privacy!) I met some of her new friends and saw some of the surrounding territory. She relocated there after sustaining brain damage when rear-ended by an 18 wheeler carrying 90 tons. There's one gal, who, at 66, appreciates every day that dawns! We did Christmas and New Years...complete with our Miracle Lists...and shared our Winter Solstice rituals that we did separately before I went over but documented so we could share afterward. None of my offspring, real or imagined, will sanction my driving over the pass at age 84, so they haul me back and forth. Our plan is to do the same thing in March, September and November...the other three solstice and equinox celebrations.

I did the best I could to try to keep up with WWU but there is a world of difference in our computers. Mine is an iMac desktop and hers, a laptop PC. I'm not as adept at flitting back and forth as I once was. For that reason, my work on www.MomResponds.com has piled up. Ouch! I have 15 question in the queue and each one takes up to an hour to answer. Oh, well, those who run and play must pay the piper!

I am glad to be home...and...living in a retirement center can be a challenge, at best. We are confronted every day with the reality of our own mortality. End of life issues surround us and there is no way not to notice the countdown. The lesson is to learn to live each day in grace and gratitude. Not always an easy lesson but/and well worth the effort.

So, cyber-family-of-mine, that's what goes with the "cuppa" today. Sending love...     

Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Pen on January 07, 2012, 04:26:50 PM
Glad you're back safe & sound, Luise. Please thank Sonja and your other "kids" for taking such good care of you for us, lol. I love your plans; you are one amazing woman!
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 07, 2012, 04:55:55 PM
Thank you. It takes one to spot one, my dear Pen.
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Doe on January 08, 2012, 08:34:37 AM
""I am glad to be home...and...living in a retirement center can be a challenge, at best. We are confronted every day with the reality of our own mortality. End of life issues surround us and there is no way not to notice the countdown. The lesson is to learn to live each day in grace and gratitude. Not always an easy lesson but/and well worth the effort.""

Luise,  this gave me pause.  I've wondered about where I'm going to live at the end of my life.  DH is 10 years older so he'll likely be gone and I don't see myself moving in with my sons.  You like the community living, even though the end of life issues are constantly around?
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Pen on January 08, 2012, 08:52:50 AM
I've been wondering the same thing. It's not too early to think about all this, but my DH is in denial and says I'm being negative when I bring it up (he's a little younger than I. Ooo, I guess that makes me a cougar!)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 08, 2012, 09:57:19 AM
I honestly think confronting end of life issues is healthy. (Note: not necessarily easy.) Head-in-sand, is, to my way of thinking, dangerous. If you don't act on your impending changing needs, others will have to make your choices for you; pick the place, empty and sell your house/apartment, etc. because if you wait until you need it, it's too late to manage it. I see refusing to face it as asking way too much of others and of bringing unneeded stress to everyone concerned, including you.Our sons see us as out there on the cutting edge because we did all of that ourselves before it needed to be done. (Sold and emptied the house...and moved in here, healthy and well.) "Here" is at:  www.warmbeach.org .

What I haven't been doing, since I needed to stay close to Val, was to get away now and then. Now that his sense of time is gone, I can do that. I came here 11 years ago at age 73. Val was 89. We both volunteered and made friends and I'm really glad we got to enjoy it together for some time. I am still in good shape...hold a seat on the Resident Council and visit Val daily in our campus nursing facility. I now live in our campus low-income housing and he is on partial welfare assistance (it costs $6,300 a MONTH in nursing and many places charge more than that!)  Neither of those options are open to new residents. They have a limited number of welfare beds in nursing and reserve them for established, independent-living residents and there is a 5 year waiting list for low-income housing. I have welfare assisted care waiting for me when and if I need it...and welfare nursing home care beyond that.

Neither of us has ever had any public assistance and didn't expect to ever need it. (In fact we both had a definite, negative mind set against it.) We are both retired insurance company executives with good pensions and we were home-owners; solvent and financially responsible. However, savings disappear. End of life costs are unreal when our nursing home costs over $75,000 a year at present (and it's climbing) and my living expenses are on top of that. Many people are in nursing for years!

OK...I'm down off my soap box... ;D
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Doe on January 08, 2012, 01:58:04 PM
Oh, I see.  From your earlier post, I thought maybe you were having a hard time of it there.  Glad that you are well situated.
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 08, 2012, 02:03:17 PM
I was just having a hard time with life.  :-)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Doe on January 08, 2012, 02:23:55 PM
Hey - I want to make sure that we are there for you as much as you are there for us. 
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 08, 2012, 02:34:37 PM
Truth, Doe? This cyber-family of mine makes all the difference in the world! I'm so grateful for all of you! Sending love...
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Doe on January 08, 2012, 05:18:33 PM
yay!
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Pooh on January 09, 2012, 05:23:56 AM
I'm sooo glad you had a great time!  You very much deserved the break Luise.  You should do it much more often! :)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 09, 2012, 08:08:18 AM
Thanks! We have another "retreat" planned for Mid-March. I'm settling in but it was really nice to get beyond "who died today" for a week. I have good friends at Warm Beach and was just elected to the Resident Council again...and you guys keep me on my toes!  ;)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Kate123 on January 15, 2012, 09:03:12 AM
I guess there are pros and cons to living in a retirement home. On one hand you have company, but then like you said you have to deal with death everyday and that could be overwhelming for some. I would love to stay in my own home, but I think I will not be able to continue the expenses of taxes and repairs. I am 56 and not ready for a retirement home yet but do think about it (with some fear).

Something that I thought was funny was that last year when I thought of selling my home my DS wanted me to buy a home near a hospital since I am so old now. He said it would be good in case I break a hip or something. I just don't feel that old to be thinking of that so to me it was funny. I guess you always seem old to your kids, and you always feel younger then you are.
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: lancaster lady on January 15, 2012, 10:55:28 AM
I can assure you 56 is not old ! A nice age to start enjoying life .  :)
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 15, 2012, 11:35:57 AM
K - You are the age of my youngest child!  ;D Thirty years from now you may want to enter a retirement community instead of living in solitude. It's safer and more supportive in many ways. It is also pretty concentrated on end of life issues for that reason. There are interim steps...condos and manufactured home communities that are for those 55 and up (you just barely made it) that have club houses and social events. It might be fun to research them and see how much your costs would decrease and how much more fun you might have. 
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Pen on January 15, 2012, 08:57:33 PM
DH will not even think about this. I'm concerned about getting to the point in the next few years (they will fly by, I know) where we can't maintain our home or vehicles by ourselves anymore. I'm trying to get in shape so I can be spry and nimble, but let's face it - from here on out I'll be lucky to maintain the health & fitness level I've got now and it's highly unlikely I'll suddenly turn back the clock by 3 decades, lol. I wish DH could see that I'm not being negative, just realistic. I think he has a romantic notion of floating out to sea on an ice floe (we don't live anywhere near an ice floe.) I think I'd rather be in a cozy room w/my books, my art supplies, a cup of tea and HBO.
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: Kate123 on January 16, 2012, 03:25:48 PM
My Mom was in a retirement appartment house for low income and it was beautiful. Very nicely decorated hallways, georgeous TV room with fireplace, leather furnitures, wall to wall french doors. They even have  guest apts for out of town visitors of residents. The apartments were very nice too, and all for 1/3-1/2 of your income. I would not mind at all being there and hope it will be around when/if I need it in the future. For now I keep my eyes open, and I am looking for work. I think I need to work to feel a purpose (money too of course) and to keep from thinking about things that will drive me crazy- like ACs. HA!
Title: Re: Does anyone have time for a cup of coffee?
Post by: luise.volta on January 16, 2012, 03:38:33 PM
Sounds lovely! My HUD unit is only 1/3 of my income and includes the electricity! :-) We are a non-profit faciility so we can volunteer to do all kinds of things here that makes us feel useful. For-profit places can't have in house volunteering. It's against the law because the owners could exploit people. Last year we put in over 38,000 hours of volunteering on campus and replaced 18 full-time employees! Talk about feeling useful! :-)

www.warmbeach.org